Sally Field opened up to Hailee Steinfeld about struggling with depression starting in her late teens. The two were paired for Season 5 of Variety and PBS’ “Actors on Actors.”

“I was suffering so badly. I was so depressed, and I was 19,” Field said. “I wanted to be you,” she confessed to Steinfeld who stars in “The Edge of Seventeen.” “Lord knows I wanted to be tall like you. I wanted to be female.”

The “Hello My Name Is Doris” actress said that taking acting classes gave her to the tools to overcome depression and find her own voice. “It began to change my life,” she said.

The interview will air in its entirety on Variety‘s “Actors on Actors” Season 5, presented by The Venetian Las Vegas, which debuts on PBS SoCal on Jan. 3.