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There’s an old joke about Los Angeles that says the only way you know the holidays are approaching is when the Starbucks cups turn from white to red.

But we in show business (and in other wellness-centric communities around the world) now have another tradition — the Goop holiday gift guide.

For almost 13 years, Gwyneth Paltrow’s lifestyle empire has been curating an annual list of the best presents for your lover, mother, child, house manager, assistant and spiritual healer. The guide quickly became famous for some of its more luxurious and rarified treats — like a $38,000 mattress, an $8,300 private Yurt and a custom leather bag exclusively for carrying watermelon (price upon request).

True to form, Paltrow and Team Goop have embraced the notoriety and made the splashy gifts an entire category: “Ridiculous-but-awesome.” This year, that list features a $34,000 Bubblegum Gym for children — complete with a velvet swing, monkey bars and a slide. For the Aspen set, there’s a $10,500 sled by Chanel, a $5,000 in-person workshop where one can make a pair of Air Jordans, and also a subscription to “Psychic School.” Our personal favorite is the gift of Omakase Berry, artisanal strawberries described as “exceptionally sweet, cultivated in a first-of-its-kind vertical farm tended by bees and AI robots (no, really).” Eleven strawberries will run you $50.

To honor the very Goop-y virtue of balance, there is also a list of gift-worthy items under $100. These include a personal (and miniature) concrete fireplace for $96, a handy 2022 Moon calendar for $39, some rubber Birkenstocks and — the cutest thing we’ve ever seen — an avocado vase that lets you grow your own baby toast-topper.

Additional categories include The Lover (nearly a dozen sex toys are on sale, as well as the infamous This Smells Like My Vagina candle), and The Forward-to-Your-SO, which features coveted items from jewelry to kitchenware to very personal gifts. There’s also a hi-tech treat for busy kids, like the $250 automated toothbrushing system from Willo.

Those lucky enough to orbit a physical Goop location — flagships in Los Angeles and New York, hotel retail locations in Montecito and Hawaii and a pop-up shop in Sag Harbor — can score some of the gifts in person. Otherwise head over to Goop.

Additional wares from the 2021 gift guide:

The Ridiculous but Awesome Gift Guide
Bubble Gum Gym with Gold-Plated Details and Lacquered Wood, $34,000
Nuurvana Psychic School with Deganit Nuur, $33 a month
Floating Eco-Luxe Suite, price upon request
Chanel Sled, $10,500

The Cook’s Gift Guide
goop Cookware 10 Piece Cookware Set, $300
Our Place Knife Set, $145
FEED Market Tote, $128

The Guy’s Gift Guide
U-Turn Audio Orbit Special Turntable – Built-in Preamp, $569
Snake River Farms American Waygu Filet Bundle, $375
Master Dynamic Noise Cancelling Headphones, $499
Recovery Air Therabody, $699

The Lover’s Gift Guide
goop x Heretic This Smells Like My Orgasm Candle, $75
goop Ultraplush Self-Heating G. Spot Vibrator, $85
goop DTF Supplement, $55
Kate McLeod Sex Stone, $45

The Forward-to-Your-SO Gift Guide
Terra Kaffe TK-01 Espresso Machine, $825
G. Label Deven Link Necklace, $2,500
Robinson Pelham River Bracelet, $22,000

The Under-$100 Gift Guide
Courant Catch 3: Wireless Charging Tray, $100
Flikr​​, Personal Concrete Fireplace​, $95
Lexmond vs Lexmond Moon Calendar 2022, $39
GOOPGENES Lip Balm Trio, $42
GOOPGLOW Restore + Shine Hair Serum, $48