SPOILER ALERT: This post contains spoilers from Season 5, Episode 5, of “Yellowstone,” “Watch ‘Em Ride Away,” which premiered Sunday, Dec. 4 on Paramount Network.
Last week‘s “Yellowstone” ended with sexual intrigue, as Beth (Kelly Reilly) grew increasingly skeptical of the women sleeping with both her father (Kevin Costner) and brother Jamie (Wes Bentley). This week, get your saddles ready, because we’re having a branding! But first, a family dinner from hell. On with the recap:
- I think I’d be too sleepy to make it as a cowboy: They get on those horses so early!
- Has Beth been sitting, drinking and smoking all morning, crafting the perfect burn about Summer (Piper Perabo) to deliver to her father?
- John should just have his assistant Clara (Lilli Kay) pull the “Parks and Recreation” trick of scheduling all of his meetings for a day in the future that doesn’t exist.
- This is clearly not a boundary for Beth, but please don’t make sexual jokes to your father about him getting a [REDACTED]. I don’t even want to type it her words, let alone say them to a parent!
- Maybe not all environmentalists are bad and jaded, Beth? I know on “Yellowstone” they’re considered as evil as city slickers, Canadians and liberals, but maybe they just enjoy animals?
- Ah, so Summer is getting the villain edit this season. You can’t sneer about God’s impact on the land on “Yellowstone” and get away with it!
- Rip (Cole Hauser) is playing with fire by urging Beth to “put the crazy away,” but I get it. Look, Beth is clearly an icon, we have no choice but to stan, etc. But functionally, it would be pretty difficult to not be able to finish a conversation without her threatening to run away to Vegas and go see “Thunder From Down Under.”
- Rip’s tongue-in-cheek groveling to have Beth come on the trip is making me swoon. I just love love!
- “I guess that’s why I’m governor, and you’re under house arrest.” Wow, John, way to charm your sex friend!
- Why doesn’t Clara wear more comfortable shoes to the ranch? She’s very professional, but it’s a multi-terrain area! You can’t attend as many meetings if you roll your ankle.
- “That’s my only son.” Ouch! Jamie is obviously a weasel, but that’s way harsh, Tai.
- The idea that Beth can make it through a meal without saying something cutting is absolutely wild, John.
- This dinner spread looks great! Of course Summer can’t eat any of it.
- Ugh, Summer, we get it — they killed the animals for food. Not everything is a soapbox.
- Shoutout to a drunk Monica (Kelsey Asbille) for breaking the tension in this grueling family dinner. Unexpected!
- Damn, what a brutal scuffle! It was fun to see Summer get a few licks in, but it was no contest. A vegan winning a fist fight on “Yellowstone”? As if.
- Good laugh as Beth catches herself insulting Summer after their truce. Progress!
- This season is suffering from a severe lack of Teeter (Jennifer Landon).
- Does Clara get overtime for riding with everyone on The Gather? Sure, it seems like a great adventure, but hopefully it’s all billable hours!
- Beth’s pain at getting on the saddle: A wincing reminder of Summer kicking her square in the crotch the night before.
See you next Sunday night!