Dave Chappelle Doesn’t Believe Michael Jackson Accusers, Defends ‘Cancelled’ Celebrities

Dave Chappelle Sticks and Stones
Netflix/Mathieu Bitton

Dave Chappelle doesn’t waste any time wading into controversy in his latest Netflix comedy special: the comedian doubts the Michael Jackson accusers, talks Kevin Hart’s Oscars controversy, discusses Louis C.K. and R. Kelly’s sexual misconduct allegations and makes fun of trans people in “Sticks and Stones,” which dropped Monday.

“I don’t believe these motherf—ers,” says Chappelle of Jimmy Safechuck and Wade Robson, the two men who accused Michael Jackson of sexual abuse. Of the documentary “Leaving Neverland” that details their allegations: “Don’t watch it. It’s f–ing gross.” Although Chappelle says he doesn’t believe the accusers, he imagines a scenario where Jackson is guilty. “I mean, it’s Michael Jackson. I know more than half the people in this room have been molested in their lives, but it wasn’t no goddamn Michael Jackson, was it? This kid got his d–k sucked by the King of Pop. All we get is awkward Thanksgivings for the rest of our lives. You know how good it must have felt to go to school the next day after that s–t?” says Chappelle, according to the Daily Beast.

“I know it seems harsh, but somebody’s gotta teach these kids. No such thing as a free trip to Hawaii. He’s going to want to look at your butthole or something,” he continues. He goes on to use Macaulay Culkin, who maintains Jackson never abused him during their relationship, for his Jackson defense. “I’m not a pedophile,” Chappelle says. “But if I was, Macaulay Culkin’s the first kid I’m f–king. I’ll tell you that right now.”

As for the R. Kelly allegations, Chappelle is more credulous. “I’m pretty sure he did that s–t,” he says. Lifetime reportedly asked the comedian, who relentlessly lampooned R. Kelly in “The Chappelle Show,” to contribute commentary to the documentary “Surviving R. Kelly.” Chappelle declined, giving the reason why: “I don’t know this ni–er at all.”

Chappelle jokes about another celebrity embroiled in sexual misconduct controversy — Louis C.K. He says, “Louis C.K. was a very good friend of mine before he died in that terrible masturbation accident.”

And he brings up Kevin Hart, another comedian who sparked controversy. “I don’t know what you know about Kevin, but I know that Kevin Hart is damn-near perfect,” said Chappelle. “As close to perfect as anybody I’ve ever seen. In fact, Kevin is precisely four tweets shy of being perfect,” referring to Hart’s homophobic tweets that cost him his Oscar-hosting gig.

Chappelle dubs the wave of celebrity “cancellations” as “celebrity hunting season.” He says, “This is the worst time ever to be a celebrity.”

He doesn’t spare the trans community, a frequent punching bag for the comedian, in the special either. “You are never, ever allowed to upset the alphabet people,” said Chappelle. He likens the transgender experience to if a Chinese man lived inside of Chappelle’s black body, proceeding to imitate a Chinese man.