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Ariana Grande got extremely vulnerable in her latest interview with Vogue, opening up about her past relationships and the turmoil she’s publicly faced, from the Manchester bombing to the death of her ex-boyfriend, Mac Miller. The singer went on to discuss the process of healing while remaining in the public eye and the process behind her last two widely successful albums, “Sweetener” and “Thank U, Next.” See the biggest takeaways from the conversation below.

1. She said she presents a strong persona on stage, but otherwise, she’s still dealing with her past.
During her conversation with Vogue, Grande paused in several moments to briefly cry, once when talking about her recent experience headlining Coachella and how it reminded her of Miller, and again later when discussing the bombing that happened during her Manchester concert in May 2017. However, she also told the outlet that she shies away from the idea that the trauma of the Manchester bombing is hers. “I’m a person who’s been through a lot and doesn’t know what to say about any of it to myself, let alone the world. I see myself onstage as this perfectly polished, great-at-my-job entertainer, and then in situations like this I’m just this little basket-case puddle of figuring it out,” she said.

2. She talked about the falling apart of her relationship to Mac Miller due to his substance abuse.
Grande reflected on her famous response to a tweet that claimed Miller was arrested for drunk driving because of the breakup the two went through, to which she fired back, “shaming and blaming a woman for a man’s inability to keep his s— together is a very major problem. let’s please stop doing that.” That tweet, she said, came from “a place of complete defeat.” In fact, she said she was constantly worried about Miller during their relationship. The outlet said friends of the singer recalled Grande tracking Miller’s movements to ensure his sobriety. “By no means was what we had perfect, but, like, f—,” she told Vogue. “He was the best person ever, and he didn’t deserve the demons he had. I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming… less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away.”

3. She described the beginning of her relationship with ex-fiance, Pete Davidson, as “an amazing distraction.”
She briefly detailed the relationship between herself and her former fiance during her summer in New York. “It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn’t know him.” she told Vogue. “I’m like an infant when it comes to real life and this old soul, been-around-the-block-a-million-times artist. I still don’t trust myself with the life stuff.”

4. She says she doesn’t really remember the making of “Thank U, Next.”
While describing her excursion to New York, she recalls how her friends encouraged her to work through her grief with her music. However, she also mentions that she doesn’t remember much about her time in New York because she was “(a) so drunk and (b) so sad,” the singer said. “I don’t really remember how it started or how it finished, or how all of a sudden there were 10 songs on the board. I think that this is the first album and also the first year of my life where I’m realizing that I can no longer put off spending time with myself, just as me.”