In the cold open sketch that started as an episode of “Anderson Cooper 360” (with Alex Moffat as Anderson Cooper), Baldwin appeared as Trump alongside Beck Bennett as Mike Pence and Cecily Strong as Dianne Feinstein with a pop-in from Kate McKinnon as Jeff Sessions in a bipartisan meeting where they discussed gun control after the tragic school shooting in Parkland, Florida.
Baldwin’s Trump had notecards, too, and he remembered to start by saying “I hear you and I care” before diving more fully into the idea that “something has to change” regarding gun control. His answer was to start by acknowledging that there is a correlation between mental health and such violence.
“We have to take a hard look at mental health — which I have so much of. I have so much mentals,” Baldwin’s Trump said.
He then continued on, toying with the idea of getting rid of everyone’s guns. “No one is allowed to have a gun, not even the whites,” he said. Bennett’s Pence wasn’t happy about this, but Strong’s Feinstein was.
“She hasn’t been this excited since women were allowed to get jobs,” Baldwin’s Trump said about Feinstein.
However, following the actual statements the president has made on the issue lately, Baldwin’s Trump quickly changed his mind, too. “The NRA gave me 30 million good reasons not to change a thing, so cha-ching, it’s over,” he said.
However, when it came to Parkland, Baldwin’s Trump acknowledged the need for the youth of America to feel safe in their schools.
“I can only run into so many schools. If I could I’d run into all of them, even without a weapon. I’d burst through the doors, I’d be running so fast — I’m actually a very fast runner — the guy with the gun wouldn’t even know what hit him,” he said. “If I have to make America’s schools safe all by myself, I will — just like I’m running the White House by myself.”
Baldwin’s Trump also pointed out that America needs to heal and is currently “one of the best” but “could do better,” noting he said he was going to run the country like a business and comparing his ruling to that of a “waffle house at 2 a.m.” where employees just walk out during their shifts.
“Wakanda is laughing at us,” he said of America’s inferiority to the fictional country in “Black Panther.” “They’ve got flying cars in Wakanda!”
Later in the episode during “Weekend Update,” Colin Jost followed up on just how many people have been resigning from the White House, looking specifically at communications director Hope Hicks. “You know things are bad when a 29-year-old with no experience who works directly for the president of the United States says ‘I’ve got to get out of his dead-end job,'” Jost said.
Strong joined the “Weekend Update” desk to portray Hicks, saying the media had been “insanely nice” to her during her White House tenure, she assumed because her “hair and face are good.” But she admitted she tried to stay out of “that whole communications mess.” Instead, she compared her experience to camp and then read a goodbye letter.
Michael Che had his own commentary about Trump’s bipartisan meeting and flip-flop on gun control during “Weekend Update.” “He was alone in a room with a bunch of gun enthusiasts and they somehow managed to change his mind?” Che said. “You know, that once happened to me. I once spoke out against gang violence but then after a very private meeting with the Bloods on the roof of my building, I realized I disagreed with myself, too.”
Turning to the idea of arming teachers, Jost reminisced over the Catholic nuns who taught him who were “violent enough with rulers.”
But “Weekend Update” didn’t stop there. After Dick’s Sporting Goods announced they would stop selling assault rifles, Che said “good” but added that he doesn’t consider hunting a sport because a deer will never get shot and then say “good game.”
“My point is, we can’t just let anybody have an assault rifle — same way we can’t just let any country have a nuke,” Che said. “I get the need that you want to have gun protection, but there’s a fine line between caution and insane. There’s a difference between carrying a condom in your wallet and wrapping your entire penis in bubble wrap.”
Watch the Mar. 3 “Saturday Night Live” cold open below:
Watch Strong on “Weekend Update” as Hope Hicks below:
“Saturday Night Live” airs live coast-to-coast Saturdays at 11:30 p.m. ET / 8:30 p.m. PT on NBC.