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Jimmy Kimmel’s Best Jokes From ABC’s Upfront: Shonda Rhimes to ‘Inhumans’

Jimmy Kimmel returned to the ABC upfront stage in New York on Tuesday to take plenty of pointed shots at ABC and the other broadcast networks.

The “Jimmy Kimmel Live!” host went all in on ripping his home network a new one. He reminded everyone in attendance that Shonda Rhimes has departed ABC for a new deal at Netflix and that ABC shows like “Inhumans,” “Deception,” and “Quantico” all failed to measure up. And of course, he took some jabs at competitors CBS and NBC.

Read some of Kimmel’s best jokes below.

Shonda Rhimes

Speaking of Rhimes’ new Netflix deal, Kimmel said, “Now that she’s leaving, I can honestly say on behalf of everyone here at ABC who worked with her for so long we hope she rots in hell. … We’re very sad to see Shonda leave, but as the old saying goes, ‘When one door closes, you’re f—ed.'”

Kimmel also said that ABC is leaving Shondaland and going “headfirst into Roseanne-istan with no exit strategy.”

CBS and NBC 

Kimmel laughed it up at the idea of CBS reviving the critically-acclaimed sitcom “Murphy Brown.” “CBS knows what millennials want and they’ll be damned if they give it to them,” he said. “I think its refreshing to see anything brown on CBS.”

Kimmel also joked that NBC no doubt toyed with the idea of reviving “The Cosby Show,” only this time around they would call it “The Bad Doctor.”

ABC’s Failed Shows

Kimmel lamented that people would not be able to see a fourth season of ABC’s recently-canceled “Quantico.” “In the same way they did not see the second and third seasons of ‘Quantico,'” he said. He also pointed out the cancellation of the FBI magician drama “Deception,” “which is a shame because its such a good idea,” he said.

Kimmel could also not leave the stage without dragging the Marvel series “Inhumans.” “Somehow we managed to have the only unsuccessful project with Marvel in the title,” he said.

“Grey’s Anatomy” Spinoff?

Kimmel got big laughs when he showed the audience a real clip from a recent “Grey’s Anatomy” episode in which a woman named Danielle hid a gun inside her vagina. Kimmel then joked that Rhimes’ final ABC series will be titled, “Danielle, Did You Put a Gun in Your Vagina?”

Ad Tech

Touting the massive advances in technology in recent years, Kimmel told the advertisers in attendance, “We are on the verge of having data so specific, you will be able to blackmail them into buying your products.”

“Our ratings are going down and our prices are going up. Too bad. Eat it!” he continued.

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