Michael Wolff’s exposé “Fire and Fury” hit bookstands today after just an excerpt of it prompted panicked, angry tweets and legal threats from President Donald Trump. The publisher, Henry Holt, responded by moving up the publishing date to today, but good luck finding a copy: It’s sold out and backordered in Los Angeles, and in Washington, D.C., bookstores that stayed open past midnight rapidly ran out of their copies. But it is available on Kindle if you’re impatient, and I certainly was. Here are some of the gossipy, tell-all book’s juiciest pieces of internecine strife and bad language.
1. In the midst of Steve Bannon’s feud with Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump, he goes on a long tirade — presumably addressed to Wolff — about a Financial Times story on Felix Sater, who is according to Wolff “one of the shadiest of the shady Trump-associated characters.” Sater was prosecuted by Andrew Weissmann, a lawyer now working for Special Prosecutor Robert Mueller. This leads Bannon to exclaim: “You’ve got the LeBron James of money laundering investigations on you, Jarvanka. My a–hole just got so tight!”
2. During that same monologue, Bannon enthuses that he’s gaining power against his enemies in the Trump White House. Wolff writes: “Gary Cohn, once a killer enemy, was now desperate to be named Fed chairman and currying favor with Bannon — “licking my balls,” Bannon said with quite a cackle.
3. This upsetting paragraph doesn’t need much context. “Trump liked to say that one of the things that made life worth living was getting your friends’ wives into bed. In pursuing a friend’s wife, he would try to persuade the wife that her husband was perhaps not what she thought. Then he’d have his secretary ask the friend into his office; once the friend arrived, Trump would engage in what was, for him, more or less constant sexual banter. Do you still like having sex with your wife? How often? You must have had a better f— than your wife? Tell me about it. I have girls coming in from Los Angeles at three o’clock. We can go upstairs and have a great time. I promise… And all the while, Trump would have his friend’s wife on the speakerphone, listening in.
4. Sean Hannity vapes. Which we know, because he was “drawing deeply on an electronic cigarette” while kvetching to Wolff that Trump still hadn’t called Roger Ailes’ widow Beth.
5. Steve Bannon called Ivanka Trump “a f—ing liar” about her Russian ties, in front of her father. When Ivanka complained, the president responded: “I told you this is a tough town, baby.”
6. According to Wolff, that time that the New York Post obtained shots from a nude photo shoot Melania Trump had done as a model? Most insiders assumed that the leak came from Trump himself.
7. Bannon liked to call the Trump campaign the “broke-d— campaign.”
8. Donald Trump hated his own inauguration.
9. When Bannon managed to push Trump to withdraw from the Paris climate agreement, he took it is a personal victory against Ivanka Trump. “‘Score,’ said Bannon. ‘The bitch is dead.’”
10. Donald Trump privately called Deputy Attorney General Sally Yates “such a c—.” He added that “Yates is only famous because of me.”
11. Reading between the lines, it seems as if Wolff never got Ivanka Trump to trust him enough for direct conversations. He still feels confident enough to assert that Ivanka got her father to bomb Syria by adroitly pushing his buttons. “Ivanka had long ago figured out how to make successful pitches to her father,” Wolff writes. “He liked big names. He liked the big picture — he liked literal big pictures. He liked to see it. He liked ‘impact.’”
12. Trump, who is very fond of his personal publicist Hope Hicks, told her that she was “the best piece of tail [Lewandowski]’ll ever have.” This prompted Hicks to run out of the room.
13. The president had a lot of weird feelings about Jared Kushner being Jewish: “For Trump, giving Israel to Kushner was not only a test, it was a Jewish test: the president was singling him out for being Jewish, rewarding him for being Jewish, saddling him with an impossible hurdle for being Jewish — and, too, defaulting to the stereotyping belief in the negotiating power of Jews. ‘Henry Kissinger says Jared is going to be the new Henry Kissinger,’ Trump said more than once, rather a combined compliment and slur.”
14. Donald Trump eats McDonald’s because he’s pathologically afraid of being poisoned.
15. Ivanka Trump used to dismiss her stepmother’s intellect with the sentiment, “All you need to know about Melania is that she thinks if he runs, he’ll certainly win.”