America: Glorious. Strong. Wealthy. First.
We know these things are true because Dear Leader tells us so. Trust the Dear Leader’s “new decree”: It will save us from the “carnage,” the “pain,” the lack of “victories.”
“We share one heart, one home and one glorious destiny,” Donald Trump told the nation moments after being sworn in as the 45th President of the United States on Friday.
America, the first and only nation. America, the land of one glorious destiny. That destiny does not involve empty factories. Do not listen to subversive types who look into where Dear Leader’s branded apparel is made.
Pay no attention to the losers and the whiners. Pay no attention to the grim masks of the former presidents on the inauguration dais. They did crack smiles as they shook hands with each other, but they bore the weary countenances of men who had held the nuclear codes in their hands and now, knowing the grim things that they know, wonder what the future will bring. Pay no attention to Barron Trump, who may have looked as bored as his father but was no doubt thinking of ways in which to control the cyber. The cyber will be terrific, let me tell you.
This nation’s glorious destiny does not involve empty public spaces for Dear Leader, even if, in past years, every inch of the glorious Mall and beyond was thronged with inauguration attendees. Ignore the dozens of photos and live shots of sections of the Mall that were half empty, or more than half empty. Everyone knows that hard evidence of reality is just more fodder for fake news.
Pay attention to Dear Leader, whose faithful did indeed throng the semi-circle in front of the nation’s capital, red hats on heads, cheering and continuing to share, in some cases, the sure-fire punchline “Lock her up.” The faithful understand. Trump’s country is their country, and it is not the country of the education system that is “flush with cash” and yet produces no graduates of value.
His country is not the place that will tolerate “gangs” and “drugs” and “crime.” Do not ask what these words are code for. There is no code. Nothing to see here, move along.
But before you march onward to do the bidding of the Dear Leader, recall that he has your best interests at heart. He has told you this, so it must be true.
Pay no attention to the billionaires and millionaires whose nomination hearings have revealed their lack of knowledge about the departments they will lead and their penchant for kleptocratic entrepreneurialism. Pay no attention to the slanderous media who are reporting the words and deeds of these one-percenters as if they were facts. These men and women who don’t know the issues and live inside a bubble of supreme wealth understand why the factories are empty. Do not ask why they understand it so well.
Do not ask Dear Leader about how the factories will be filled up again. Do not think about troubling revelations and disturbing allegations shared by failing journalists. Facts are just convenient truths peddled by the pernicious opposition and the dishonest media. Pay attention to Dear Leader’s truth, which is that, finally, “America will start winning again.”
Who says America was winning already? Who says we were firmly on the path of economic opportunity and hard-earned prosperity? Who says we were fumbling, in an imperfect and messy way, toward a better understanding of citizenship and how we might conduct ourselves as a tolerant and forward-thinking nation? Who says we previously had a handle on the problems we faced and how we might best tackle them?
Liars, hypocrites and fact-based ideologues say these things. Those people are not “unstoppable” like the followers of the Dear Leader. Those people — the Others — are weaklings and ingrates who were, by many accounts in the lying media, protesting and being tear-gassed blocks away from the banner-strewn podiums, choirs and brass bands.
Let those nobodies smash up a Starbucks. Let them make their signs and chant their slogans. Dear Leader is smashing the elite that he comes from, and will wrest control of the country from their greedy hands. Believe him.
Witness Dear Leader shaking the hands of those he defeated, magnanimous to the end. If he sketches out a revenge fantasy in his speech and in his the majority of his actions thus far, well, are these not the wishes of a grateful nation? Won’t his insistence on stopping the endless carnage that is America, won’t his desire to destroy the inconvenient norms of a civil society, make this faltering country great again? Do you even have to ask?
Questions are not necessary, Dear Leader has given us the answers. Inscribe them on your American heart.
We are grateful for his short, understandable sentences. We are grateful for his ability to ignore the empty sections of the audience and give us a thumbs up to the crowd, despite record-low approval ratings on his first day in office. We glorify in his ability to rouse his faithful despite the echoing, quiet emptiness of large sections of Washington, D.C. We remain ready. He only needs to say the word.
“Now arrives the hour of action,” Dear Leader said today.
We understand and obey. We understood even before his words were translated from the original Russian.