You will be redirected back to your article in seconds

10 Best Jokes From Stephen Colbert’s Emmys Monologue

The Emmys kicked off with a song-and-dance number by host Stephen Colbert who quickly turned the 2017 Emmy Awards into a roast of, well, President Donald Trump.

The politically-infused monologue was right in Colbert’s sweet spot, and even featured a surprise cameo from Sean Spicer, who was introduced by the host as “Melissa McCarthy.”

Here are Stephen Colbert’s 10 best jokes from his Emmys monologue…

1. Can you feel it? This room is crackling with the collective energy of people who, for the past 48 hours, have consumed nothing but distilled water and Crest Whitestrips.

2. If you do win, don’t forget to thank everyone who helped you get up here — namely, “Game of Thrones” for not being eligible.

3. Personally, I have to take a moment here to thank CBS chairman Leslie Moonves. I literally have to thank him. It’s in my contract.

4. These days, everybody loves streaming video — just ask Ted Cruz. But knock first. You don’t just want to walk in.

5. Millie Bobby Brown is here tonight. She’s amazing in that show, proving once and for all that there are roles for women in Hollywood over 12.

6. I’m sure HBO will take home a lot of Emmys tonight, which they’ll have to melt down to pay for next year’s hacker ransom. Too soon?

7. This has been a great year for diversity in television… there are so many talented African-American nominees — Jeffrey Wright, Viola Davis, Samira Wiley, Uzo Aduba, Anthony Anderson from ABC’s “Black-ish,” and of course, Bill Maher. I assumed he’s black since he’s so comfortable using the N-word.

8. Oprah is in the front row right now. Oprah was snubbed this year. What is wrong with you people? What in the immortal life of Henrietta Lacks is wrong with you people? I’m so sorry, Oprah — I was really hoping this would be your breakout year.

9. We all know that the Emmys mean a lot to Donald Trump because he was nominated multiple times for “Celebrity Apprentice,” but he never won. Why didn’t you give him an Emmy? I’ll tell you this — if he had won an Emmy, I bet he wouldn’t have run for president. So this is all your fault. I thought you people love morally compromised antiheroes. You like Walter White — he’s just Walter much whiter.

10. Unlike the presidency, Emmys go to the winner of the popular vote.

More TV

  • BBC Orders Oscar Wilde Documentary with

    BBC Orders Oscar Wilde Documentary With Stephen Fry, Freddie Fox

    A new documentary about Oscar Wilde will tell the celebrated writer’s story with a star cast recreating excerpts from his greatest works, including “The Importance of Being Earnest” and “The Picture of Dorian Gray.” Freddie Fox, Claire Skinner, Anna Chancellor and James Fleet will all perform in the 80-minute show, “The Importance of Being Oscar,” which [...]

  • FOSSE VERDON -- Pictured: (l-r) Michelle

    TV News Roundup: 'Fosse/Verdon' Premiere Date Set at FX

    In today’s TV news roundup, FX announced the premiere date for “Fosse/Verdon,” and Comedy Central released a new trailer for the final season of “Broad City.”  DATES “Workin’ Moms” is set to premiere Feb. 22 on Netflix. The series, which is currently in its third season, first aired in Canada on CBC Television and is [...]

  • Ilana Glazer Abbi Jacobson

    'Broad City' Stars on Discovering New Aspects of Their Characters

    Throughout the run of “Broad City,” creators Abbi Jacobson and Ilana Glazer have been conflicted about how much of their on-screen characters (also named Abbi and Ilana) should come directly from their personalities and lives. But when it came to the final season, Jacobson in particular experienced a life-changing shift that she wanted to impart [...]

  • The Goldbergs spinoff

    NBC Orders Comedy Pilot 'Uninsured' From 'Goldbergs' Producers

    NBC has ordered a pilot for the multi-camera comedy “Uninsured.” In the series, young parents Dave and Rebecca end up having to take care of Dave’s parents who have mishandled their finances and need help to pay down a sizable debt. Dan Levy will serve as writer and executive producer, with Doug Robinson and Alison Greenspan [...]

  • Emily Kapnek

    'Splitting Up Together' Creator Emily Kapnek Inks Overall Deal at ABC Studios (EXCLUSIVE)

    Writer and producer Emily Kapnek has signed a three-year overall deal at ABC Studios, Variety has learned exclusively. Kapnek most recently developed the ABC single-cam comedy series “Splitting Up Together,” which is based on the Danish series “Bedre skilt end aldrig.” She was previously under an overall deal at Warner Bros. Television, which produces “Splitting Up [...]

More From Our Brands

Access exclusive content