Now that home town week is out of the way, it’s the moment JoJo has been waiting for: fantasy suite week. If you recall last season of “The Bachelor,” this is the week that JoJo told Ben that she loved him and he reciprocated… and then promptly broke her heart. So get ready because, while having an ex-girlfriend is a huge red flag (Robby), going on and on about your TV boyfriend is totally cool.
But first, last week’s episode-ending cliffhanger is resolved: Luke gets the ax.
Although his facial expressions seem physically incapable of changing, Luke’s words would suggest that he is emotional: “This is not supposed to be happening. I, like, dreamed about so much… I thought that that magic was real,” he says without blinking even once. “You don’t want me anymore?”
JoJo, meanwhile, is having a category six meltdown.
“It was too little too late,” Luke says in a clear reference to the pop star JoJo’s song “Too Little Too Late” for JoJo synergy.
Luke packs up while JoJo cries alone on an airport apron, and it’s in this moment that the audience collectively realizes that they have no idea why they are at an airport. Hopefully it was planned as an easy escape because next thing we know JoJo and the final three are headed to Thailand.
Thailand, a popular tourist destination ever since Beyonce vacationed there in winter 2014, is where JoJo will presumably “seal the deal” (wink) with the final three contestants. During her first date with Robby, it starts to rain — a metaphor for their relationship, no doubt.
She tells Robby that this is the point last season when Ben told her he loved her and then broke her heart. Ben, remember?
Robby starts calling her “Joelle” to show he’s, like, super serious. Joelle, clearly all about a man who is bold enough to call her by her full name, gives him a key to the fantasy suite.
“I’m in trouble. I’m in trouble. I have three guys who I’m goo goo ga ga over,” she says, revealing that her regression into baby form may pose bigger problems than deciding which of three hunks is best in bed.
Next, she gets one-on-one time with Jordan. Together they go on a hike to a temple. “Temples are sacred here,” JoJo says seemingly under the impression that only in Thailand are temples sacred.
JoJo pressures Jordan about whether he would give up his nomadic lifestyle to be with her. He seems to hesitate, and she is not pleased.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” he tries to win her back. “Ehh that’s what Ben said,” she says. Ben, remember??!
Finally, Chase. “I love Jordan, and I love Robby… and I could see myself falling in love with Chase,” JoJo says so we can all tell where this is going.
But first, Chase’s icy heart melts just in time for him to get burned. He professes his love. “It’s more than just a fantasy,” he says very on-theme with the week. But JoJo is visibly sad.
The following dialogue is so unbearably uncomfortable, it almost doesn’t warrant repeating. But here’s the gist of it:
JoJo: “I… just needed to take a moment.”
JoJo: “I don’t know… I don’t even know if this is making sense right now.”
Chase: “I get the point.”
It’s excruciating but, in JoJo’s game of f–k, marry, kill Chase takes third place.
“I’m still trying to figure out who that forever love is going to be with,” JoJo says, now down to her final two.
While telling Jordan and Robby what happened to Chase, JoJo starts, “I have not been able to stop thinking about how terrible… what?”
“I mean, does that happen? Do people get sent home and come back from the dead?” Robby ponders presumably for eternity.
Chase’s return is short-lived. He just wants to apologize, which is ultimately the best chance he had at saving face enough to be considered for the next Bachelor. Chase is gone for good and we are down to our final two.
Who do you think will be the next Bachelor? Between Robby and Jordan, who is “marry” and who is just, simply, “f–k”? Do people come back from the dead? Weigh in below.