It’s hometown dates week on “The Bachelorette”: Time to see where the four remaining men grew up; meet their families; and find out whose hot brother will most likely compete on a future season (answer: Robby’s).
JoJo has a tough choice to make, considering that the final four are nearly indistinguishable. Perhaps seeing how their genetic donors have stood the test of time is the best and only way to satisfy her shallow sensibilities. First up, Chase.
The Great Divorce
JoJo meets Chase in Highlands Ranch, Colorado where she finds out that she’ll meet his parents separately because they went through a bad divorce. How bad? “Lawsuits bad.”
This does not bode well for Chase since the show is built on the fictitious premise that love is eternal. JoJo, meanwhile, seems preoccupied — “Your house is so nice!” — proving that, as always, her priorities are in order.
Chase, not really one to show emotion, decides national television is good timing to confront his father, seemingly for the first time, about why he got a divorce. Then JoJo and Chase head over to meet Chase’s mom and the rest of his family. While talking with his mom, Chase sheds a single tear, proving that he is capable of emotion and not a cyborg.
The Estranged Brother
Next to Chico, California, which JoJo seems shocked to learn is a real place. Jordan takes JoJo to his high school which could be interpreted as his way of saying, “This is where I peaked.” The two partake in absolutely no one’s fantasy — making out in the high school library.
Before they go home to meet his family, JoJo asks again about Jordan’s celebrity brother and NFL star Aaron Rogers, whose estrangement from his family was front and center during last week’s episode, and Jordan insists that he’s not worth talking about. JoJo proceeds to spend the entire date asking about Aaron which, in her defense, is really mysterious and interesting.
“It’s something we don’t really like to talk about a lot,” Jordan’s brother, Luke, told JoJo in a sitdown. “It pains both of us not to have that relationship. We miss our brother. We just are trusting that God brings things full circle. And just wish that everything would just get back to us being a family.”
ABC certainly doesn’t help to play it cool by focusing on two empty seats at the dinner table and blurring out Aaron’s face in family pictures but, hey, if you want subtle, you should not be watching “The Bachelorette.”
“Jordan has told me everything I want to hear,” JoJo says, reaffirming that he’s the only one that she likes and the other guys are waiting to get sent home.
The Jealous Girlfriend
But then, a Robby-shaped wrench. JoJo meets the human Ken doll in St. Augustine, Florida where she confesses, “I have these moments when I feel like I’m falling in love with Robby.”
JoJo wants to be sure that Robby is completely over his girlfriend who he broke up with suspiciously close to when they started taping the show. “I don’t want to fill a void for you,” JoJo says. “Do you miss her?”
“No,” Robby assures her.
They go to meet the family who are significantly rowdier than the first two. It sounds like they had trouble mic-ing the meal around the dinner table. These people are literally screaming.
JoJo tells Robby’s mom that she’s falling in love with Robby and the plot thickens.
The Sassy Gramps
Last and, well, possibly least, Luke.
JoJo is back home in Texas — Burnet, Texas to be exact — and Luke makes the bold choice of inviting 50 of his closest friends to meet JoJo because apparently in Texas, people have 50 friends. There’s some skillful editing implemented here to make it seem almost bearable, but you can tell Luke’s “friends” spent a lot of time standing around, gawking at the pretty TV lady.
Luke wants to tell JoJo that he’s in love with her, but he’s struggling. He comes pretty close: “I want the future. I want this future. I want us… My heart is yurrs.” (The Southern drawl is real.) But, like Blair Waldorf, JoJo just wants to hear those eight letters and three words.
The Rose Ceremony
Going into the rose ceremony, JoJo says who she’s planning to send home —”I think I need to say goodbye to Luke” — so you know things are going to get messy.
Before she can release the guillotine blade, Luke pulls her aside and professes his love. This sends JoJo into a downward spiral. “What do I do?” she asks.
Three perhaps even more monumental words scroll across the screen: “To Be Continued.”
Next week is a two-night “Bachelorette” event. Who do you think will go home? Did Luke redeem himself? If so, who will leave in his place? Is JoJo secretly Blair Waldorf? Weigh in below.