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Jimmy Kimmel took aim at competitors and colleagues alike in his annual appearance at ABC’s upfront presentation Tuesday in New York.

Here are some of his best lines:

  • On the exec shakeup that saw Channing Dungey replace Paul Lee as ABC Entertainment head in March: “This is kind of our family reunion every year. Where’s Uncle Paul? Oh that’s right, I forgot…. I hate to see anyone especially a British person lose his dental plan.”
  • “Channing Dungey is too humble to mention that she’s the first female African-American network president ever to pick up a show about a talking dog.”
  • On Fox’s decision to no longer release live-same-day ratings: “Their arguments would carry more weight if they were not in last place. It’s like the Knicks announcing they are no longer using the final score — it doesn’t reflect the reality of the modern basketball game.”
  • “CBS objects to the term ‘live’ because so many of their viewers aren’t.”
  • On the TV industry’s obsession with reaching millennials: “Are we really going to let the vaping, SnapChatting, music-stealing little f—–s determine how we do business?”
  • “18-49 isn’t our target demo — it’s the number of people who watched ‘Wicked City’ last season.”
  • “2016 is still an exciting time in broadcast television. In the same way 1937 was an exciting time to be on the Hindenburg.”
  • “Viewers love streaming content. I’m proud to announce our new show “Porn.” It’s a little slow at the start but stick with — it gets good at the end.”
  • On the group of movie remakes landing on the fall schedule: “All your favorite VHS tapes are coming to TV.”
  • On Fox’s inspiration to redo “The Exorcist”: “Gary and Dana looked at their ratings and started projectile vomiting.”
  • “Fox has ‘Lucifer,’ which you know is based on the life of their founder, Rupert Murdoch.”
  • “CBS canceled ‘CSI: Cyber,’ the last of the ‘CSI’ franchise. It’s amazing CBS is able to pickup anything considering the osteoperosis.”
  • On NBC’s “The New Celebrity Apprentice” with Arnold Schwarzenegger: “Donald Trump is right — immigrants are taking our jobs, starting with him. … But should a guy who knocked up his maid really be put in charge of an apprenticeship program?”
  • To the crowd of media buyers: “Don’t think of as us an old-fashioned TV networks. Think of us as an enormous paper shredder for you to pour $8 billion in to.”