SELLER: Stephen Dorff
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $3 million
SIZE: 1,194 square feet, 1 bedroom, 2 bathrooms

YOUR MAMA’S NOTES: It was brought to our attention this morning by the fine celebrity property gossips at the Wall Street Journal that Stephen Dorff has once again put his New York City penthouse, located in a fully staffed pre-war building in the artsy and expensive Chelsea neighborhood, up for sale with a $3 million price tag. The handsome and frequently scruffy-chinned 42-year-old former child actor, not surprisingly last romantically linked to a 22-year old model, acquired the 1,194-square-foot penthouse condo in June 2006 for $1.65 million. Mister Dorff first attempted to unload the penthouse in 2008 at $3 million and concurrently made it available as a furnished rental at 15 grand a month. We don’t know if the penthouse was leased, but we do know nobody bought it, because after disappearing from the open market for a few months, it popped back up for sale in early 2009 at $2.65 million. Alas, despite the substantially lower asking price, Mister Dorff’s penthouse again failed to entice a buyer and, after almost a year, was taken off the market. Perhaps he’ll have better luck this time around. Anywho….

The sunny, south-facing apartment, with just one bedroom but two bathrooms, has 12-foot beamed ceilings, glossy black hardwood floors, and a snazzy surround sound system in the living room and bedroom. A brief but proper foyer flanked by a bathroom and roomy walk-in closet opens to a windowless dining space with a chunkily massed modern interpretation of a picnic table. The adjoining living room, simply furnished with a boxy pair of matching seal grey sofas and a smattering of petrified wood stumps in place of more traditional tables, features a smooth paneled wall with built-in media storage cabinet and a room-wide quartet of sash windows. Open to the living room over a bowed breakfast bar, the smartly arranged kitchen incorporates satiny black cabinetry with sleek elongated pulls, concrete-colored countertops, shimmery stainless steel backsplashes, and a complete array of stainless steel appliances including full-sized under-counter laundry machines. Listen, children, we know it’s not ideal to have laundry equipment in the kitchen, especially in a $3 million apartment. But let’s be honest, anyone who’s lived in New York City knows it’s much better to have a washer and dryer wedged up into in the kitchen than to schlep your dirty clothes to the communal laundry room in the building’s basement.

The penthouse’s lone bedroom isn’t going to impress any size queens dedicated to the cliché notion that bigger is always better. It does, nonetheless, generously provide an entire wall of closets with custom built-ins plus a secondary closet in the vestibule between the bedroom and the master bathroom. Completely slathered, floor and walls, in black ceramic tiles that we imagine must be murderous to keep water spot free, the master bathroom has a glass-enclosed shower stall and a single pedestal sink, a stainless steel bowl perched atop a plinth that’s somewhat impractically placed directly below a window. A corkscrew staircase in the living room makes a vertiginous and potentially dizzying wind up to a private, 850-square-foot bi-level deck decked out with a wet bar, storage shed, outdoor shower space, and open city views to the north and south.

Mister Dorff, with a healthy handful of projects in various stages of production including a co-starring role opposite Lili Taylor in a the upcoming “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” franchise prequel “Leatherface,” continues to own a three-bedroom and three-bathroom Buff & Hensman-designed and Brad Dunning-decorated ocean front abode along Malibu’s La Costa beach that property records and other online resources indicate he picked up in September 2002 for $2.546 million and has occasionally made available as a fully furnished summer rental with asking prices as high as $50,000 per month.

Listing photos and floor plan: Douglas Elliman