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SELLER: Eddie Kaye Thomas
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $900,000
SIZE: 987 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom

YOUR MAMA’S NOTES: It’s not difficult to find doom and gloom media reports that predict the uppermost reaches of the global real estate market is headed for a slump. And, indeed, we’ve noted increasing numbers of elephantine price chops from coast to coast. Jennifer Lopez recently hacked $2 million off the price of her Hidden Hills mansion, and last week the behemoth Beverly Hills mansion the of late pulp novelist Jackie Collins, first listed at a publicity ensuring $30 million, endured a bone rattling $5.5 million price reduction. At the lower end of the market, however, or at least what passes for the lower end of the market in prime Los Angeles zip codes, business remains brisk. Case in point: a cute enough but hardly deluxe 987-square-foot cottage tucked in to the Hollywood Hills between Beachwood Canyon and the Hollywood Reservoir that “Scorpion” and “American Pie” franchise star Eddie Kaye Thomas just sold for $900,000, a good bit above its $849,000 asking price.

Mister Thomas, a stage-experienced actor who made his Broadway debut at 12 years old, acquired the tiny two bedroom and one bathroom residence in April 2004 for $700,000, according to property records, and it was here in 2013 that a woman he’d spent the night with allegedly held him hostage when he asked her to leave the next morning. Thomas managed to extricate himself unharmed and, naturally, called the police who, after a six-hour stand-off, “used tear gas as well as flash bang grenades to remove the woman from the home.” There’s a moral lesson in there if any of the children want to find it but we’re not touchin’ it with a 10-foot pole. Anyhoodles, poodles….

The pint-sized pad, behind a secured entry gate atop a street-level two-car garage, has a hardwood-floored open-plan living/dining/kitchen space that listing details optimistically suggest “creates an enhanced sense of size and space.” The vaulted, exposed wood ceiling and the white brick corner fireplace in the tightly proportioned living room are certainly lovely features, but this property gossip is decoratively dismayed by the disturbing and utterly unnecessary use of both modern-ish, single-pane sliding glass doors and decidedly traditional, mullioned French doors. The adjoining dining area does efficient double-duty as a library with built-in floor-to-ceiling bookshelves along the back wall and opens over a narrow countertop to a small but smartly arranged and crisply tailored kitchen with men’s clubby polished gray flannel solid surface counter tops, white subway tile back splashes, stark white Shaker-style cabinetry, and a complete collection of high-end name-brand stainless steel appliances. Neither bedroom looks to be particularly spacious — How could they be in a home of these humble proportions? — but both benefit from glass sliders to a slender covered veranda that overlooks the street and surrounding hills. The down market, rental-grade light fixtures on the ceilings in the bedrooms are another stomach-turning disappointment, but as atrocious as they may be, they are, of course, easily swapped out with something less mind-numbingly mundane. The residence’s lone bathroom has classic black and white checkerboard tile flooring, an unexpectedly decadent steam-equipped shower, and just one pedestal sink but two similar but unmatched side-by-side medicine cabinets. Glass sliders in the living room and — ahem — French doors in the dining area lead out to a slim, partly trellis shaded and mossy-looking red brick terrace that runs the full length of the back of the house before it wraps around the living room and butts up against a tree-shaded deck with open, over-the-rooftops view.

Mister Thomas, according to property gossip reports, packed up and moved clear across town to a two-bedroom and two-bathroom canal-front bungalow in Venice that he picked up in late January (2015) for $2,591,500.

Listing photos: The Agency