BUYER: Amy Schumer
LOCATION: New York City, NY
PRICE: $12,147,000
SIZE: (approx.) 4,500 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMA’S NOTES: It’s no secret comedian Amy Schumer has been on the hunt for a posh and pricey new pad in New York City to go with her skyrocketing success — she reportedly peeped a $15 million turn-of-the-century Beaux Arts mansion on Riverside Drive — but it was the eagle-eyed celebrity property gossips at The Real Deal who sussed out the glassy contemporary penthouse atop a dignified, full-service pre-war building overlooking the Hudson River on the Upper West Side acquired by the always scathingly self-deprecating, frequently raunchy and occasionally controversial stand-up comic and television star for $12.147 million. Designed by Howard Spivak at Spivak Architects and described in marketing materials as “Like a Malibu beach house, with the sophistication of Manhattan architecture,” the penthouse measures at right around 4,500-square-feet with five bedrooms and a total of 5.5 bathrooms.

A key-lock elevator opens directly into the apartment’s angled entrance gallery that spills in to a vast, glass-walled combination living/dining space that stretches in unrestrained, I-have-most-definitely-arrived” style to more than 42-feet-long. The airy and sparely adorned loft-like space is wrapped on three sides by an unbroken ribbon of floor-to-ceiling glass doors that fold open to a slender terrace that wraps not just around the living/dining room but almost around the entire penthouse. The glass walls continue dramatically — and some armchair rchitecture critics might argue melodramatically —up on to the ceiling where they form an angled and continuous band of sky-lights that flood the room with natural light during the day and allow for star-gazing from indoors at night. A three-sided fireplace crafted from anthrocite and glass is all that divides the 1000-square-foot living room from the over-sized dining area that’s partially open to an also sizable and sleek kitchen appointed with white stained oak cabinetry and a contrasting combination of honed black stone and white marble-patterned quartzite counter tops. There’s a far less grandly sized, hence, more intimate and cozy den/media room just off the massive main living space and a curved staircase just inside the front entry sweeps up to a glass-enclosed bulkhead landing that leads to a private roof terrace with unobstructed views up, down and directly across the Hudson River to the New Jersey skyline.

Located at the rear of the apartment for maximum privacy, the bedroom wing contains four guest/family bedrooms that each have en suite bathroom with radiant heated floor. The smallest of the four bedrooms could easily be incorporated into the adjacent master suite that currently includes a sunny bedroom with windows and glass doors on three walls, a roomy walk-in closet plus ample additional closet space, and a marble-sheathed bathroom with double sink vanity, two-person soaking tub and glass-enclosed steam shower.

Avid celebrity real estate watchers know that although Miz Schumer’s new penthouse is a serious and gutsy upgrade to her residential circumstances it is not first penthouse purchased by the pulls-no-punches joke teller who recently had a couple of hundred of people walk out of a show in Tampa, FL, after she criticized Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump and called him an “orange, sexual-assaulting, fake-college-starting monster.” In 2014 Miz Schumer shelled out $1.675 million for an approximately 850-square-foot penthouse level unit of a classic brownstone on a pretty, tree-lined block on the Upper West Side. She first made the one-bedroom and 1.5 bathroom cooperative available for sale in November 2015 with an asking price of $2.075 million but alas, with no takers the price tag has plummeted to its current $1.625 million.

Listing photos: Brown Harris Stevens (via Curbed)