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SELLER: Victoria Gotti
LOCATION: Old Westbury, N.Y.
PRICE: $2.688 million
SIZE: 7,299 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMA’S NOTES: As far as we know, the celebrity property gossips at Realtor.com were the first to catch wind that Victoria Gotti has her estate in the historically blue-blooded Long Island village of Old Westbury, N.Y., back up for sale on the open market with an asking price of $2.688 million.

This is not the first time the outspoken mob daughter-turned-New York Post columnist-turned five-time novelist and reality television denizen — in the mid-2000s she had her own series for three seasons, and she occasionally pops up on “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” and the downright shockingly tawdry “Mob Wives” — has had the gated property up for sale. Not by a long shot, puppies. Your Mama first discussed and arguably eviscerated the Gotti homestead way back in late 2008 when it was optimistically listed at $3.5 million, and since then Miz Gotti has had the place on and off the market half a dozen times or more at a variety of prices between $2.2 million and $2.895 million.

Our research suggests Miz Gotti and her ex-husband Carmine Agnello — they divorced in 2003 while he was in prison on racketeering and arson convictions — acquired the 4.04-acre spread, which, while not exactly ideally pretty much backs up to the Long Island Expressway, in 1989 for $175,000. They custom-built the existing residence, a hulking and heavily ornamented 7,299-square-foot white brick pile that this property gossip will benevolently describe as a faux-quoined Greco-Colonial mash-up.

The five bedroom and 5.5 bathroom manse features a center hall entry with a cliché double staircase and large if low-ceilinged formal living and dining rooms, the former lined with floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and both with wood floors and wood-framed windows swagged with miles of brocade fabric that leave Your Mama desperate for the extra-strength nerve pill. Miz Gotti, on the other hand, described the day-core of her home on HGTV in 2012 as “very warm, very woodsy, very comfortable yet very elegant” and that she wanted the home to feel as if she’s staying in a suite at a Ritz Carlton or Four Seasons hotel. (Gurl, pleeze. But anyways…)

A campy, leopard and tiger print motif reigns in Miz Gotti’s office, where a pair of bulbous black leather recliners face a fireplace, and the spacious, eat-in kitchen has been entirely remodeled since we last had a look-see at the property in 2008. While it may not be the kitchen Your Mama would design and install, for the most part it’s decoratively inoffensive and — let’s be honest, butter beans — nine gazillion times better than the old one.

What does not appear to have been updated or altered since 2008 is Miz Gotti’s master suite, where listing photos show the columns and drapery swagged bed still sits on a platform,mand there are still dust-collecting plastic or silk flower arrangements on the flesh-toned marble platform that surrounds the flesh-toned soaking tub that’s decadently flanked by Corinthian columns and backed by a mirrored wall.

Current listing detail show the finished basement includes a media room with tile flooring — and, in our humble and entirely meaningless opinion, an absolutely horrific dropped ceiling, laundry facilities and a playroom as well as a bedroom and bathroom.

The gated and largely landscaped estate is ringed by a dense wall of mature trees and includes a roomy circular drive and motor court, vast rolling lawns and extensive balustrade-lined terraces. There’s an oversized guesthouse of unknown size and amenities, a swimming pool with three-tier waterfall and swim up bar, a pond, a children’s playground, a sport court, horse barn and what appears in aerial images to be a go-kart track. (Lahwrd have mercy, children, what Your Mama would not give to see Miz Gotti zip around that track on a go-kart with her long, platinum blond mane of curled straw flying behind her.)

Listing photos: Shawn Elliot Luxury Homes & Estates