Do not wish John Oliver a Happy New Year. The host of HBO’s “Last Week Tonight With John Oliver” broke the show’s hiatus with a YouTube video to denounce the celebration of New Year’s Eve and all its accompanying headaches.

Oliver compares the holiday to “the death of a pet: You know it’s going to happen, but somehow you’re never really prepared for how truly awful it is.”

For those viewers who share Oliver’s anti-NYE attitude, he advises gracefully avoiding festivities by crafting “excellent and specific excuses,” offering a list including the fail-proof claim that “you’re doing a cleanse.”

“Last Week Tonight” returns Sunday, Feb. 8, on HBO.