You will be redirected back to your article in seconds

Teresa Giudice Lists Jersey Shore House (At A Loss)

SELLERS: Teresa and Joe Giudice
LOCATION: Manahawkin, NJ
PRICE: $315,000
SIZE: 1,350 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms

YOUR MAMA’S NOTES: “Real Housewives of New Jersey” headliners Teresa and Joe Giudice, who will soon to be sentenced for their guilty pleas to mortgage and wire fraud, hoisted their 10,000-plus-square-foot Towaco, NJ faux-chateau up for sale last week with an asking price of $3,999,000. But, children, that’s not the only piece of their real estate portfolio they’d like to unload. They also have their rinky-dinky vacation house in Manahawkin, NJ, on the market with an asking price $315,000.

This is not the first time the Giudices have attempted to unload their shore house. It was listed from early November 2009 to late February 2010 at $375,000. Property records show they acquired the modest house in late 2005 for $347,000 and subsequently mortgaged it to the moon and back. (Per their 2011 bankruptcy filing, they secured three mortgages against the property that totaled $314,162.)

Current listing details describe the existing, 1,350-square-foot residence as a “Contemporary 5 Bedroom and 2 Bath Ranch” but, let’s be honest, children, there’s nothing contemporary or ranch about this outlandishly embellished home of prodigiously ambiguous architectural style. The existing dwelling, four miles from the beach in the Beach Haven West area, was originally built in 1970s and was last renovated by the Giudices after Hurricane Sandy mercilessly ripped through the area in 2012.

The almost complete lack of landscaping in the front of the house conveniently makes for minimal upkeep expenses and lots of additional off-street parking. Listing photos show the Giudices keep their boat trailer in the front yard but before any of y’all get too cranky about that know the lots in Beach Haven West are minuscule and the Guidices’ are hardly the only people on the block park their boats and trailers in their front yards. It’s really sort of local custom.

The small house has a wee but proper front hall that opens into a open-plan main living/dining/kitchen area with the exact sort of depressingly ubiquitous if admittedly very practical mottled beige ceramic floor tile one can reasonably expect will always be on discount at their local home improvement superstore. There’s a vaulted ceiling over the dining area — Did the children spot the ever-so-practical clear plastic tablecloth? — and the itty-bitty but sufficiently functional kitchen looks recently if inexpensively refreshed with white Shaker style cabinetry and simple, budget-minded appliances.

As with the front yard, the Giudices also opted for a low- to no-maintenance backyard scheme so they covered it entirely with concrete pretty ineffectively stamped to look like cobblestones or something. Inset red bricks make a kooky grid pattern that further vexes Your Mama such that we need a nerve pill. Not surprisingly, there’s a tiki hut bar and a patio dining table underneath the metal framework of a semi-permanent cabana structure. (Presumably the cabana covering was removed for the season but anyways…) The concrete switches to decking along the 50 feet of vinyl bulk headed canal frontage that has a dock for swimming and watercraft parking.

The Giudice’s, bless their fandangle-loving hearts, really went to town with outré embellishments on the rear façade. Besides all the whackadoodle stone tiles that ring every window and door — and only serve to highlight all the equilibrium upsetting roof angles — Your Mama spotted a number of silhouetted shapes that include a couple of birds in flight, a dolphin, an anchor and a cross. Have mercy! Children, is it really necessary for Your Mama to make a rule about this sort of thing? It really should be self-evident but let Rule #197 read, “No person who purports to have a smidgen of style and/or decorative taste will affix cutesy appliqués or other beach-themed chingaderos to the exterior (or interior) of their home, even and especially if it’s a vacation home near the beach.” Okay? Okay.

As far as Your Mama can tell, in addition to their liberally gilded and marble lined faux-chateau in Towaco and their much less gilded or marbled house in Manahawkin, the Giudices still own a small cottage in Lincoln Park, NJ bought in October 2005 for $170,000 and — as per our research — mortgaged to the hilt including a couple of loans from a man who, coincidentally enough, pled guilty to mortgage and wire fraud himself in 2009.

Listing photos: Century 21 Pacesetter

More Dirt

  • Melissa McCarthy House

    Melissa McCarthy Seeks Short-Term Tenant in Toluca Lake (EXCLUSIVE)

    A smartly maintained and updated, 1940s bungalow in L.A.’s affluent Toluca Lake community that is owned by deft comedy actress turned critically acclaimed leading lady Melissa McCarthy has popped up as a short-term furnished rental at $10,000 per month. The 2019 “Can You Ever Forgive Me?” Oscar nominee, also nominated in 2012 for her scatologically [...]

  • Tracy Morgan House

    Tracy Morgan Loses Small Fortune on Former New Jersey Residence (EXCLUSIVE)

    After nearly a year on the market at steadily declining prices that started at nearly $2.25 million, Tracy Morgan has sold his former home in Cresskill, N.J., for $1.2 million. Unfortunately for the seriously irreverent “Last O.G.” star, the sale price is not just an astonishing 25% below than the not quite $1.6 million final [...]

  • Orlando Bloom House

    Orlando Bloom Lists Beverly Hills Bachelor Pad

    Just about a month after he got engaged — in a helicopter on Valentines Day to pop music cynosure Katy Perry, Orlando Bloom has not too surprisingly put his ultra-modern Beverly Hills, Calif., bachelor pad up for sale at $8.999 million. The “Lord of the Rings” and “Pirates of the Caribbean” franchise beau-hunk, who has [...]

  • Christie Brinkley Swaps New York Apartments

    Christie Brinkley Swaps Rented Condos in Manhattan (EXCLUSIVE)

    Word has slipped down the celebrity-property-gossip grapevine that Christie Brinkley and her pooch Chester have settled into a new and pricey rented apartment in New York City’s West Village that was last listed at $25,000 per month. Owned by a real estate investment concern and located on the higher floor of a swank, multi-building complex [...]

  • Krista Vernoff Lists Los Feliz Home

    'Grey's Anatomy' Showrunner Krista Vernoff Seeks Sale of Los Feliz Home (EXCLUSIVE)

    Fresh on the heels of inking a multiyear deal with ABC to create and develop new projects under their Trip the Light Prods. banner, “Grey’s Anatomy” showrunner Krista Vernoff and producing partner/husband Alexandre Schmitt, an accomplished music video and commercial producer, have listed their solar-powered home in a quiet corner of L.A.’s Los Feliz area [...]

  • Marisol Nichols Lists Los Angeles Home

    ‘Riverdale’s’ Marisol Nichols Lists Toluca Lake Home

    It’s not too much of a surprise, given her pending divorce, that “Riverdale” star Marisol Nichols has her family home in an unsung corner of the celeb-packed L.A. neighborhood of Toluca Lake up for sale, at a tad below $1.8 million. Nichols split with filmmaker husband Taron Lexton, director-producer of the 2017 coming-of-age film “In [...]

  • Emma Stone House

    Emma Stone Lists Home in Beverly Hills (EXCLUSIVE)

    Busy as a beaver Hollywood darling Emma Stone has her celeb-pedigreed home in the Coldwater Canyon area of Beverly Hills, Calif., up for sale at $3.899 million. Invisible behind a high wall and imposing, camera-secured gates along a serene, little-known lane and previously owned by late British actor and bon vivant Dudley Moore, the expensively [...]

More From Our Brands

Access exclusive content