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Sofia Vergara Bites the Bev Hills Real Estate Bullet

BUYER: Sofía Vergara
LOCATION: Beverly Hills, CA
PRICE: $10,600,000
SIZE: 11,400 square feet, 7 bedrooms, 11 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: For two years running, mercilessly curvaceous Colombian-born sitcom superstar Sofía Vergara has been named by the Forbes folk as the highest paid actress on television. Including her much reported $170,000-180,000 per episode salary on Modern Family and her many and lucrative endorsement contracts with giant corporate brands like Cover Girl and Diet Pepsi, her total earnings between June 2012 and June 2013 were estimated at around $30 million. As pop-cultural laggards, drag queens, and (upsettingly) sassy grandmas around the world might blurt out, “Go on gurl! Werq!”

Since mid-2007 the brutally bodacious thyroid cancer beating brunette—she is, in actuality, a natural born blond—has owned and occupied a fairly modest if hardly cheap three bedroom and four bathroom mid-floor condominium in a luxury high-rise along L.A.’s Wilshire Corridor near Century City that property records show she picked up in July 2007 for $1.1 million. That, however, is about to change according to stalwart real estate yenta Yolanda Yakketyyak who swears on all that is designer in her wardrobe—and you know Yolanda ain’t no cheap beotch who shops discount—that in mid-February Miz Vergara, via an obliquely named trust, quietly forked over  $10,600,000 for an A-list celebrity sized faux-Italian villa on the border between Beverly Hills proper and the Beverly Hills Post Office area.

According to listing details Your Mama discovered on the interweb Miz Vergara’s new Bev Hills casa—as best as we can tell it sits in Beverly Hills proper—was built in 2006 on a partly flat .6 acre canyon lot and measures in at 11,400 square feet with a total of seven bedrooms and eleven bathrooms.*

The ochre-colored mansion sits hard up on the street but privately behind a high wall and a pair of remote controlled driveway gates that open to a paver-stone driveway and front-facing three car garage. If there aren’t already Your Mama imagines there will soon be a bevy of hidden cameras ready to take note of the license plate number of any moe-ron fan(atic) who thinks it might be cute to roll by and see if they can catch a peek at Miz Vergara hauling out the garbage cans.

A slender, elegant pair of Italian cypress trees stand on either side of the front door that opens into a voluminous double-height entrance hall that without a doubt was designed to impress guests and delivery personal with a mosaic stone floor inlaid with some sort of faux-royal crest, an ornate interior pediment around the front door, and a carved wood coffered ceiling. Let’s not even discuss the unexpected and downright strange carved wood dome that actually drops down from the ceiling over the wrought iron railed floating staircase because, well, there just are not adequate words.

Public reception rooms are roomy without being unnecessarily capacious and include a fireplaced formal living room with painstakingly carved wood tray ceiling and a formal dining room with carved wood coffered ceiling very similar to that in the entrance hall. A nearby study/library has fully paneled walls, built-in bookcases, Parquet de Versailles-style wood floors, and a vaulted ceiling with exposed wood beams.

Also on the main floor, according to digital marketing materials, are a private guest bedroom/studio with en suite facility, and a spacious (if luxuriously ordinary) center island kitchen with custom carved wood cabinetry, two-tone granite and/or marble counter tops, and the expected suite of high-quality stainless steel appliances. A series of French doors in the adjoining breakfast area and family room lead out to a deep dining loggia that open to the backyard entertainment recreation areas.

One of the manse’s seven bedrooms is on the main floor and includes a private en suite facility. Upstairs there are three more guest/family bedrooms with en suite facilities plus a generous master suite that’s complete with bookcase flanked fireplace, small private veranda, and dual bathrooms and walk-in closets. A large second floor terrace has a chunky outdoor fireplace and a view into the surrounding tree tops.

Listing details refer to a “dedicated 3rd level” that Your Mama actually thinks might actually be a basement level finished to similar standards as the rest of the house. There are two more bedrooms on this level—presumably designed for staff, sullen teenagers and/or less-favored house guests—as well as a lounge area with multi-stool booze and snack bar, a screening/card room with painted carved wood paneled walls, a fitness room with adjoining sauna, and a 3,000 bottle wine cellar and tasting room with a barrel vaulted brick ceiling.

Due to the up slope of the parcel the mansion’s backyard isn’t particularly large but it is efficiently outfitted with a dining loggia plus a second dining area over near the built-in barbecue station. A flat, bit of grass for pooches and other domestic creatures meanders from the barbecue area over to the back in the corner where there’s a swimming pool and slightly elevated spa.

Miz Vergara spends a fair amount of time in New York City and Delray Beach, FL, with her on again and off again fiancée Nick Loeb, an entrepreneurial scion of one of America’s oldest and wealthiest families whose small stable of business include some sort of crunchy onion condiment topping. To be honest, children, despite a cursory search on the internets we can’t say with any certainty whatsoever whether Miz Vergara and Mister Loeb are currently a couple of if they’ve gone their separate ways. But, like everyone else who reads the New York City papers, Your Mama read last December that Mister Loeb—and some reports say Miz Vergara, too—decamped his (presumably leased) duplex penthouse in Chelsea for a rental apartment in the same luxury tower in Midtown East near Sutton Place where Leo DiCaprios character in The Wolf of Wall Street lived.

*For the record, the Los Angeles County Tax Man puts the house at 11,369 square feet with six bedrooms and eight bathrooms.


listing photos: The Agency

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