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Humor: Binge TV Watching Now Leading Cause of Death Among Students

This content was not produced by Variety, but we find it very funny

A startling new report conducted by the U.S. Dept. of Education revealed that the growing trend of binge TV watching has surpassed binge drinking as the leading cause of death of among college students. According to the report, 2,381 college students nationwide died from bingeingrelated injuries during 2012.

“Unlike alcohol, you don’t need a fake ID to binge TV watch, just a Netflix subscription,” California Atty. Gen. Kamala Harris told Hollywood & Swine. “It’s the parents who suffer the most. It’s a lot less embarrassing to have your child die from alcohol than is it to lose somebody who tried to finish all eight seasons of ‘Weeds’ in two days.”

Causes of death from binge watching include:

  • Suicides caused by the severe depression college students suffer after binge-watching a show and realizing they have no more episodes left to watch. Last April, Ben Sumner, a junior at Ohio State U., threw himself off the roof of his apartment building after going through the entire series of “24” in less than three weeks. In a sad twist, just weeks after his funeral, executives at Fox announced plans to bring back “24” next season.
  • Asphyxiation caused by binge-watching too many episodes of bad television in one sitting. In May, Kristen Farris, a sophomore at the U. of Washington, suffocated after watching the 15th straight episode of “Vampire Diaries” on Netflix.
  • Murdered by their roommates after they refuse to stop obsessively binge-watching a show or talking about it endlessly. Joel Kipling, a freshman at Boston College, on the third straight day of a “Breaking Bad” binge-watching marathon, was bludgeoned with a bong by his roommate.

In response to the rising death toll, Netflix is considering limiting the number of episodes of a show viewers under 25 can stream. Experts believe these tactics will be useless, since students will simply go to Amazon Prime or Hulu Plus to get their fix.

Go to HollywoodandSwine.com for more.

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