SELLERS: Mitch and Juliannah “Juli” Richmond
LOCATION: Calabasas, CA
PRICE: $9,495,000
SIZE: 12,953 square feet, six bedrooms, 7 full and 2 half bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Not too long ago a trusted real estate canary named Benjamin Birdie chirped in Your Mama’s ear that a huge Calabasas, CA mansion owned by retired professional basketball player Mitch Richmond was about to plop itself on the open market and, sure enough, yesterday it popped up with an asking price of $9,495,000.

Of course, everybody knows Your Mama doesn’t know or care to know a thing about professional basketball so our reaction was, “Who dat?” However, hunties, our brief and unscientific research reveals that Mister Richmond was indeed a big damn deal during his 14 years with the NBA. He dribbled and passed for the Golden State Warriors, the Sacramento Kings, the Washington Wizards and, finally, for two pre-retirement seasons with the L.A. Lakers.

Before he went professional he played for the bronze medal winning U.S. team at the 1988 Summer Olympics in Seoul—that’s in South Korea for all your geographically challenged sorts—and he was a member of the so-called Dream Team that won gold at the Olympic extravaganza in Atlanta in 1996. He’s a former NBA Rookie of the Year, which certainly sounds impressive, and he’s a five-time All-NBA Team member and a six-time NBA All-Star, both of which also certainly sound impressive. Mister Richmond currently scouts for the Oakland, CA-based Golden State Warriors.

For nearly two decades Mister Richmond has been united in matrimony with Juliannah “Juli” Richmond and together they have three children. Missus Richmond is probably best known to reality t.v. watchers as a cast member on the second season of the often tawdry and occasionally violent Basketball Wives program. Our research turned up a two-plus year old profile and interview with Missus Richmond that revealed she once launched a line of home furnishings and candles that “didn’t pan out for her.” She currently bills herself on her own website as an “Interior Design Consultant” through a business concern she calls Jexy by Juliannah.

Jexy, in case any of y’all might be interested, is defined on Missus Richmond’s website as ‘”your vibe, whatever that may be. it’s yours and that’s what makes it so special. It’s your uniqueness, demeanor, and swag. It’s you! We are often defined by our exterior.”‘ A little Googling around turns up evidence a small contingent of people use the word Jexy as slang for a sexy Jewish person too but that’s really neither here nor there, is it? Anyhoo, in the aforementioned profile from early 2011 Missus Richmond stated her decorative aspirations as thus: ‘”I hope to bring my passion to decorating, bringing different vibes to a house.”‘ She went on, ‘”I want to create a vibe. I try to create a vibe that is not a staged feel.”‘

We’re not quite she if Missus Richmond was speaking of this house—the one in Calabasas that’s just come up for sale—or if it was a previous residence she was referring to but she said about it in the profile, ‘”When you come into my house there is a vibe. There is a vibe. I bring a feeling. I just want to bring a vibe.”‘

Your Mama does not know and can not determine exactly what sort—ahem—vibe she aimed to bring to the day-core of her own home in Calabasas since listing photographs but since it’s almost entirely in a spectrum of browns, beiges, ecrus and other earth tones with a spot of crimson here and there we’d say it might have something to do with earth tones, whatever that means. Anyways…

Property records show Mister and Missus Richmond purchased the 2.283 acre property in April 2004 for $1,700,000. Given that listing details show the existing residence was completed in 2006, Your Mama assumes the $1.7 million sale price was for the land alone. Of course, we don’t have any idea how much the couple  paid to custom-build the proto-suburban behemoth but Your Mama thinks it’s reasonable to assume they spent an equal amount and easily more.

The single story multi-winged mansion—let’s call it a mock-Med Hacienda—sprawls across a flat ridge at the top of the Estates of the Oaks, an exclusive gated section of similarly sized and architecturally pastiched suburban macmansions within the vast, guard-gated and upscale community of The Oaks, about 30 miles northwest of downtown Los Angeles.

Property records indicate the house spans 10,475 square feet but listing details put it at 12,953 square feet with six bedrooms and seven full and two half bathrooms. Home owner’s dues are listed at $619 per month ($7,428 per year). We’re not really sure what if any privileges besides community security services those fees pay for. Perhaps someone in the know about the rules, regs, covenants, restrictions and community bylaws of the Estates at the Oaks want to fill us in?

As is customary in 12,000 square foot suburban macmansions, the public spaces are meant to impress the guests. At the Richmond residence the impressing starts right at the front door that opens into a cavernous double height foyer that stretches clear through to the rear of the house where it opens to the backyard through a towering, 20-foot tall wall of windows. Eagle eyed children will see the lengthy and admittedly spacious enough foyer (somewhat oddly) does double duty as the formal dining room.

The adjoining formal living room is a much more cozy size but looks like the sort of room no one but Inez the cleaning lady is allowed to enter. There’s also an office/library and a colossal center island kitchen with breakfast room and adjoining family room. The massive master suite has a sitting area with fireplace surmounted by an inset flat screen t.v. and a roomy bathroom where the marble (or onyx or whatever) surround around the oval soaking tub for two both juts out into the middle of the room and extends into the glassed in steam shower where it becomes a convenient in-shower bench.

Extra-added luxuries and amenities include: a sports bar hung with lots of framed jerseys; a game room with pool table; a state-of-the-art, 10-plus seat home theater done in various shades of beige; a wine cellar and a separate tasting room with a few feet of floor to ceiling faux stone veneer and a wall-wide forced perspective mural probably intended to make the room look larger than it really is but—to be honest—just makes Your Mama feel a little queasy with vertigo. There’s also a meditation/yoga space, a children’s homework room, a beauty salon and a home gym equipped with handfuls of body torture devices plus a steam room and sauna.

The back of the house wraps loosely around and opens up to a parking lot sized terrace and loggia with outdoor fireplace that extends the option for outdoor living into nippy mornings and chilly evenings. Other features according to listing details include a built-in fire pit and a crescent-shaped built-in barbecue situation larger and more expensively outfitted than most middle class peoples’ kitchens.

Clearly a small fortune was spent on the palm tree-shaded swimming pool complex that’s complete with a lagoon-style free-form pool with beach entry, a swim-up bar with built-in stool seating and a water slide that sweeps through a pile of rocks into which an elevated spa is nestled. A waterfall pours over the dark opening to a grotto.

The best vantage point for taking in the rugged and unobstructed canyon and mountain views that extend as far as the eye can see is the vast flat lawn that wraps around the back of the house and swimming pool complex. At the far side of the lengthy abode there is—no surprise—a full court basketball court.

Other notable features of the Mister and Missus Richmond’s deluxely outfitted (if beigely dressed) residence include a five car garage, five fireplaces and a camera equipped security system. There’s also a slew of high-profile neighbors. Britney Spears used rent a gigantic mansion now owned by David Broome, executive producer of The Biggest Loser, and last year testosterone-fueled gangsta-pop superstar Justin Bieber dumped $6.5 million of his riches on a 9,200+ square foot mansion in the ‘hood where he’s had nasty tangle or two with his neighbors. Talk show host Phil McGraw paid $6,575,000 in early 2011 for a nearly 11,000 square foot mansion occupied—so it’s been reported—by his son Jay and his former Playboy Playmate wife Erica Dahm. Professional baseball player Jeff Suppan and his wife Dana also have a nearly 11,000 square foot mansion they picked up in 2010 for $6,250,000.

Still others who own homes in the exclusive enclave, at least according to property records and various other online resources, include rock and reality star Travis Barker (Blink 182), movie producer Thomas Tull (The Dark Knight franchise, the 300 franchise and The Hangover franchise), and professional footballer turned commentator Keyshawn Johnson who has his own nearly 11,000 square foot residence on the market right now for $8,895,000, reduced from its original January (2013) price tag of $10,500,000.

And, of course, everybody knows The Estates at The Oaks is where Michael Jackson’s momma, Kathryn, moved into a roomy rental mansion in early 2011 with her trio of perplexingly named grandbabies Prince (Michael), Paris (-Michael) and Prince Michael (aka Blanket). Our understanding is that the Jackson Family Compound (JFC) was to endure a significant renovation and Miz Jackson and etc. decamped to Calabasas for the duration. To be completely honest, chickens, Your Mama isn’t sure if the family remains in Calabasas or if they’ve already high-tailed back to the JFC. Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

listing photos: Re/Max Olson & Associates