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We know lots of y’all don’t care to hear about Kim Kardashian and/or Kanye West and will kvetch about our decision to discuss this matter until the damn cows come home. Howevuh, hunties, we do have to feed all the children their favorite and sundry celebrity real estate meals and, as a property gossip in good standing, Your Mama just can’t resist the latest from celebrity scuttlebutt juggernaut TMZ who reported this morning that the perpetually pap-trailed and newly preggers Kim K. and Kanye W. have snatched up an $11,000,000 mansion in a swank gated community in Bel Air.

The TMZ report claims the couple scooped up an approximately 10,000 square foot mansion several weeks ago and have already “gutted it” to make way for a much larger 14,000 square foot Italian-style villa. The rehabbed house, so the story goes, will be fitted and kitted with a gym, movie theater, bowling alley, basketball court as well as indoor and outdoor swimming pools. Naturally a full-serivce hair and makeup salon is planned because these two don’t even go to the freaking terlit let alone outside without full hair and make-up.

Anyhoo, the TMZ report went on to note that “Kim & Kanye’s new neighbors will include Jennifer Aniston, Chris Paul, and Joe Francis.” Subsequent reports by Peoplethe Daily News and the New York Post go on to report that Aniston, Paul and Francis all live in the same gated community as Kimye’s (alleged) new crib. Well, children, we do not know who Chris Paul is but we do know that neither Jennifer Aniston nor Joe Francis live in this or any other gated community. In fact Miz Anistons new house in Bel Air is nearly six miles away on surface streets from the house pictured in the TMZ report and Mister Francis’ Bel Air spread is even farther away.

Furthermore, the under construction residence pictured in the TMZ report was actually completed in 2010 according to the Los Angeles County Tax Man. There it is (above) from the air in all its bloviated semi-circularless. According to various property record data bases Your Mama consulted, that house—the one pictured in the TMZ report—already measures in at more than 20,000 square feet and records indicate it is currently owned by a high-powered attorney and his wife who also, as it turns out, own the nearly 9,000 square foot mock-Med mac-mansion immediately next door that’s listed on the open market with a $10,750,000 price tag. Could that be the house they bought? Hmm.

Something’s fishy. We’re not saying Kim and Kanye didn’t buy a big ol’ house in Bel Air in which to bring up baby in unwedded bliss. We’re just saying we’re not sure the house shown in the TMZ report is the house they bought. Bueller? Bueller? Anyone? Bueller?

UPDATE (Later same day): TMZ has amended their post to show that the Bel Air manse KK and KW actually (and allegedly) bought is the house next door to the one they’d previously indicated. The newly pinpointed pad (above) is currently still listed on the open market at $10,750,000 and listing information shows the so-called “Tuscan Mediterranean Estate” encompasses .75 of an acre and includes a 9,000 square foot residence with five bedrooms, seven bathrooms. There’s also a double-height entry, Old School black walnut parquet wood floors throughout, a wet bar with leaded glass windows in the great room, an elevator. Out back there’s an 800 square foot pavilion with built-in barbecue center, a broad flat lawn and a bullet-shaped dark-bottom swimming pool with elevated circular spa. The house has long views over the canyons towards the mansion dotted ridge lines of Bel Air and there are $933 per month homeowner’s association dues.

We have no reason to doubt that Kim K. would like a house like this. Indeed, her Beverly Hills house is a smaller version of this and—we hear through the gossip grapevine—very quietly in escrow. But It’s next to impossible to imagine that a guy like Kanye who has a real thing for architecturally very spare residences. Have you seen photos of his art-filled, Desiderata Design-designed Los Angeles residence? New York City pied-a-terre? How whipped does a contemporary art collecting minimalist like Kanye have to be to agree to live up in this big ol’ mock-Med mac-mansion? We don’t mean any disrespect, but seriously…have you seen his seriously austere, Claudio Silvestrin-designed New York City pied-a-terre? And he’s gonna live up in in that?

aerial image: Google
front facade: Photos for Homes for Nelson Shelton & Associates