×
You will be redirected back to your article in seconds

Hop On Over to the Playboy Bunny Hutch

SELLER: Hugh Hefner/Playboy Enterprises
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $11,000,000
SIZE: 6,690 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is nine kinds of terrified of the dentist. We really are. In fact, we are so freaked out by the idea of having our teeth touched that we have to load up on prescription medication just to get through the office’s 1970s modern front door. Just ask our bossy but beloved Sister Woman who—bless her heart—will actually sit in the exam room as Your Mama’s eyes, ears and insurance that our dentist—deftly skilled and rakishly handsome but still a dentist—will not purposely inflict harm on our ever-so-tender chompers. Unfortunately for the children, an early a.m. visit to said handsome dentist has left Your Mama at the woozy mercy of a heavy duty Valley Girl* and the pesky residue of laughing gas so we have to ask that y’all try to forgive us our celebrity real estate transgressions and digressive story telling tangents today, such as the one some of you just suffered through reading this paragraph…

Anyhoo, even before we left for the dentist at the crack of dawn this morning Your Mama had already received several missives and communiques from a handful of informants who let us know about the newly listed Bunny Hutch in Los Angeles’s high fallutin’ Holmby Hills area that just hopped on the market with an $11,000,000 price tag.

We call it the “Bunny Hutch” because the South Mapleton Drive mini-mansion, located a short hop down and across the the street from the back door service entrance to the illustrious Playboy Mansion, is where, for more than a decade, octogenarian playboy Hugh Hefner has housed dozens of bouncy and unnaturally busty young women who put on their pouty and/or sultry faces and pose butt-ass naked for the racy men’s magazine and its various other digital soft-core porn products.

As best as Your Mama can tell the Bunny Hutch was picked up by a corporate entity in June 2001 for $4,500,000. If Your Mama is being totally honest—and we always are—we’d confess that we’re not sure if the property is owned directly by Mister Hefner or—more likely—if it’s an asset of Playboy Enterprises, much or all of which has been owned by a private investment outfit (Icon Acquisition Group) since 2011. We’re sure there are about 49,000 people out there who could more accurately articulate the ownership nuances of this property and perhaps one of them will be so kind to send Your Mama and email to let us know.

Listing details show the 6,690 square foot two level 1950s ranch-style residence sits on 1.3 acres and, in addition to all the usually living and dining rooms, has five bedrooms and 6.5 bathrooms. The bed/bath count definitely includes the two master suites and may or may not include the staff bedroom and bathroom that—natch—adjoins the laundry room.

Regardless of the number of bedrooms Your Mama imagines they are all done up dormitory style with stuffed animal and hair extension strewn bunk beds and twice-patched air mattresses in the bedrooms and a couple of uncomfortable camping cots pushed up against the wall in a dark hallway where the naughty or less favored hares are made to sleep by the house’s big bunny who sets and upholds the house rules. Gawd, children, can y’all imagine if it really was that political up in the Bunny Hutch? The potential for on-going, daily drama would be thick and damp like a steamy, late summer afternoon in Okalona, Mississippi. (No thank you but thank you, Bobbie Gentry.)

An upper level living room/lounge has wall-to-wall carpeting—ew!—plus a red and white abstract pattern rug that looks like it could be from Ikea and is grossly under-scaled for the room. There’s a built-in bar with two styles of bar stools including four with Playboy logo bunny head backs and, in front of a wide, slightly bowed window, a silver leather polka-dot sofa that might possibly be a super-sized George Nelson Marshmallow Sofa although never in all Your Mama’s many days have we ever seen one that long.

On the lower level, a second living room/lounge opens directly to the backyard entertainment areas and has more wall-to-wall carpeting—and more ew!—a wide banks of nearly floor-to-ceiling windows and at least one, arcade grade video game machine and at least one pinball machine because, let’s be honest children, is there anything hotter than a bikini clad bunny working the paddles of a pinball machine? Is there? And, although it’s way, way, way under proportioned for what appears to be a fairly large space, the one saving decorative grace, based on all that’s shown in the single listing photograph of the room, is the Space Age-y sputnik light fixture.

The lagoon-like swimming pool and spa has trendy beach entry and a man-made rock waterfall situation that’s clearly second fiddle to the major pile of (faux) boulders that form the (in)famous grotto at the Playboy Mansion. We’re not saying every single one of those bunnies and their house guests aren’t squeaky clean top to bottom and front to back but let’s just say Your Mama wouldn’t dream of swimming in that pool or even walking barefooted around the damn thing. It may be unnecessarily crude to mention this but, children, pleeze, imagine the fluid swapping that has gone on in and around that pool and spa the last dozen years that house has been Playboy’s bunny hutch.**

In addition to the large, double-gated motor court at the front, the 1.29 acre estate also has a second motor court—a parking lot, really, to accommodate all the bunny’s automobiles—that’s also accessible from an electronic gate at the rear of the estate. Presumably the next owner will convert the parking lot to a tennis court and additional gardens. That is, unless the next owner also plans to use the house as a dormitory for under-employed hot babes with glitter for dreams and…. Well, y’all get where that’s going, right? Chill out, bunnies, we tease. Imagine, children, stepping off the bus from Kansas or R-Kansas (or wherever it is all these corn fed exhibitionists come from) with deep dreams of Playboy super stardom only to realize you’ll be shacked in a house where pinball machines and logo-fied bar stools make a sorry, frat-house like substitute for proper day-core.

To be honest with y’all the property looks a bit on the scungy side for a house in this particular neck of hoity toity L.A. The neighbors probably hate it. The privacy hedge at the front looks a little unkempt—and not in the good way; The driveway gates looks like they would benefit from a coat of paint; the black top driveway and motor court appears to be in need of some attention and the landscaping at the front (and back) the house has neither pizazz nor even any real aesthetic value. Did y’all take note the broken down vertical blinds in the upper level windows at the rear of the residence? Do we even need to say they’re utterly and unspeakably tawdry? No, we didn’t, did we? Who puts vertical blinds in a house in Holmby Hills? Seriously? That is just wrong on every level. Never-the-less,  lackluster landscaping and vertical blinds aside, Holmby Hills is still one of the most expensive and prestigious nooks in all the upper end crannies of Los Angeles and Your Mama would guess the land alone is worth a substantial portion of the current asking price but we’ll let the local real estate experts duke out the value of the land in the comments. One, two, three…go!

*That’s old-school street talk for Valium, children.

**In all truth Your Mama has no idea if there have ever been any body fluids swapped in or around this swimming pool. For all we know the Bunny Hutch By-Laws forbid any interaction between any two people that would involve the exchange of bodily fluids.


listing photos: Shirley Lovitt

Popular on Variety

More Dirt

  • Hannah Hart House Silver Lake

    'My Drunk Kitchen' Host Hannah Hart Snags Silver Lake Starter House

    Long before anyone imagined “YouTube star” would actually become a viable career title, a young UC Berkeley grad named Hannah Hart filmed a gag video of herself drinking wine while attempting to make a grilled-cheese sandwich and, on a whim, uploaded it to the platform. The clip went viral and subsequently became the basis for [...]

  • Clive Standen House Studio City

    'Taken' Alum Clive Standen Buys Lucy Hale's Canyonside House

    Earlier this year, busy-busy former “Pretty Little Liars” star-turned-social media phenom Lucy Hale — she’s got no fewer than four upcoming films currently in post-production and sports nearly 25 million Instagram followers — upgraded her Studio City real estate circumstances by listing her starter home and purchasing a similarly-sized but significantly more private property in [...]

  • Kevin McKidd House

    Kevin McKidd Lists Hollywood Hills Villa

    Scotish actor Kevin McKidd has put a not quite $2 million price tag on a hillside hideaway nipped away behind imposing iron gates high in L.A.’s Hollywood Hills. The “Grey’s Anatomy” and “Trainspotting” star, who owns several homes across the Los Angeles area, acquired the secluded property just over 11 years ago for $1.625 million [...]

  • Stephen Curry House Atherton

    Stephen Curry Quietly Buys $31 Million Atherton Mansion

    The Bay Area bedroom community of Atherton, Calif. already boasts the wealthiest zip code in all the United States, but an investigation by the San Francisco Chronicle determined it’s still rapidly getting wealthier. Silicon Valley tech billionaires and foreign business barons — the majority of them from Mainland China — have punted local home values [...]

  • Joseph Abboud House Bedford

    Fashion Designer Joseph Abboud Lists Stylishly Updated Historic Retreat

    It’s only 35 miles to Manhattan, but the near-upstate New York hamlet of Bedford feels like an entirely different world. Rolling hills, peaceful pastures dot the landscape. Quaint downtown shops and leafy old-world estates hark back to a bygone era of gracious, quiet wealth. And it’s no surprise that the calming vibe has lured many [...]

  • Betsey Johnson House

    Betsey Johnson Cartwheels Out of Malibu Mobile Home

    Colorful fashion icon Betsey Johnson has her vivaciously hot pink mobile home in Malibu’s prestigious Paradise Cove Mobile Home Park up for sale at $1.95 million. (That’s right, kids. In Malibu, mobile homes cost well upwards of a million bucks and can easily make a rich person feel downright impoverished.) The famously flamboyant septuagenarian designer, [...]

  • Hedi Slimane House

    Celine’s Hedi Slimane Seeks Sale of Chic Manhattan Townhouse

    New York Fashion Week has come and gone in a sartorial storm of loose-fitting 80s inspired suits and ridiculously tiny handbags but a rakishly renovated 19th-century townhouse in New York City’s historic and high-toned Gramercy Park neighborhood, owned by maverick French photographer and fashion designer Hedi Slimane, remains on the rack with a price tag [...]

More From Our Brands

Access exclusive content