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Dear Syfy:

OK, very cute, I get it. You put on these stupid exploitation movies Saturday nights, then give them the kind of titles that are virtually impossible to ignore.

“Jersey Shore Shark Attack” this Saturday? Followed by “Piranhaconda,” “Arachnoquake” and “BIgfoot” through the rest of June? Inspired. Seriously, someone there should be written titles for porn movies (for my money, still the most creative people in the business).

But no, I will not fall for your Jedi title tricks and be lured into watching and reviewing “Jersey Shore Shark Attack,” even if it does feature Tony Sirico, Paul Sorvino, Jack Scalia, Barry Williams, Danny Bonaduce, Sherilynn Fenn, Howard Hesseman, Michael Madsen and Tracey Gold. Nor will I waste my time on “Piranhaconda” — described as “part fish, part snake, all killer” — or “Arachnoquake,” in which “giant albino spiders ravage New Orleans.” (Having been to New Orleans, I can tell you this is completely redundant.)

Seriously, how easily suggestible do you think I am?