“Are you ready for the show to start?” Jon Stewart asked the cheering crowd at Stand Up for Heroes, the fundraiser for the Bob Woodruff Foundation, which supports returning vets.

It was a joke. Two hours into New York Comedy Festival’s signature event, Stewart was the first comedian onstage. But the crowd at the Beacon Theater had already heard John Mayer and Roger Waters perform three songs with a troupe of wounded warriors. And then, as he does every year, Bruce Springsteen sang, told jokes and donated his guitar and more for auction (raising over $100,000).

Then laughs started rolling. Stewart talked about having kids: “It’s an opportunity to ruin two people from scratch.”

Ricky Gervais went after self-pitying obese people: “No one gets fat behind their own back.”

Mike Birbiglia lamented his romantic ineptitude: “Making out is so sloppy it’s like watching a dog eat spaghetti.”

Robin Williams riffed on doctors who once told him, “‘Robin, drugs will kill you’ and now they say, ‘Robin, you need these drugs to live.'”

Patton Oswalt questioned the order of comics at the benefit. “It’s like having Led Zeppelin, then the Who and then saying, ‘Here’s Paul Williams doing an acoustic set.'”