Ever since pasty-pallored Twilight heart throb Rob Pattinson’s often-sour-pussed Twilight cast mate and long-time girlfriend Kristen Stewart was caught smoochin’ and coochin’ with British-born and very-married neophyte movie director Rupert Sanders (Snow White and the Huntsman), the Pattin-Stew corner of the interweb has been a scalding conflagration of scandal, intrigue, outrage and harsh judgement by fans and foes alike.
Life can get so complicated sometimes, can’t it? While we can’t condone anyone stepping out on their love-mates and life-partners—unless it’s an agreed upon thing, of course—these matters are personal so Your Mama’s gonna—for the most part, anyways—leave the cheating lectures and monogamy moralizing to the children and focus, natch, on the (quasi-) related real estate matters at hand.
The celeb-watchers at US Weekly reported yesterday that Mister Pattinson had done booted his unfaithful but reportedly deeply regretful ex-girlfriend from the swank Los Angeles, CA paradise he bought, they shared, and he now (allegedly) wants to sell because—as per an unidentified “insider”—it holds “too many memories.”
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We weren’t surprised at these rumors or read the reports. Your Mama had thrice heard this scuttlebutt from no fewer than four separate sources more than a week ago. It will undoubtedly appear to many that Your Mama dropped the damn ball on this particular celebrity real estate scoop. And maybe we did. But, alas—and in all honesty—we were unable to come up with a proper confirmation or any significant details—i.e. an asking price—from any of our most trusted and reliable celebrity real estate moles. No shade intended on all my much-adored Chatty Cathies; That’s just the way the ol’ celebrity real estate llama spits sometimes, you know?
Anyhoodles poodles, our research shows Mister Pattinson—through a blind trust—picked up the 1.52-acre hillside spread (above) in a particularly posh pocket of L.A.’s star-packed Los Feliz neighborhood in September 2011 for $6,275,000. Not bad for a rather unkempt-looking fella in his mid-20s, is it now?
The walled, gated and no-doubt heavily fortified property was not listed on the open market but various online resources indicate the dignified, Spanish-style residence was built in 1921 for a wealthy insurance executive by architect Stiles O. Clements, measures 4,026 square feet and contains just 3 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms.
The extensive gardens and grounds include a curvaceous gated stone driveway; a second-gated motor court and garage; party-sized terraces off the rear of the main floor; and a painstakingly-planted, completely-landscaped and multi-terraced backyard that climbs the moderately steep hillside behind the house.
Near the top of the backyard oasis, well above the house, there’s an honest-to-goodness amphitheater for a scheduled and impromptu performances and even higher up than that a dark-bottomed swimming pool and spa are set into an amorphous stone terrace, a location that not only takes in the city views but unfortunately assures—unless there’s a facility up there we don’t know about—lazy and/or full-bladdered sunbathers and swimmers will pee (or worse) in a flower bed behind a tree rather than embark on the long, thigh-busting journey down to the house and then undertake the ass-punishing climb back up to the pool. We suggest a high-speed funicular be installed if one hasn’t already been.
The seller was movie director Robert Luketic (Legally Blonde, Monster-in-Law, 21) who bought the property from Oscar-winning cinematographer Robert Richardson (JFK, The Aviator, Inglourious Basterds, Kill Bill: Vol. 1 and II). Previous to that the house had been owned by boob-toob actor Noah Wylie (ER) and before that it belonged to English actor Tim Curry (The Rocky Horror Picture Show).
When K-Stew’s cheating cat was let out of the bag, R-Pat, now out and about promoting the wildly-successful Cosmopolis, fled to friend Reese Witherspoon’s semi-secluded ranch-compound in Ojai, CA. Miss Stewart, so the stories go, alternated between her parents long-time home in Woodland Hills and the Burbank bedsit of bestie actress Scout Taylor Compton. At one point Your Mama heard (but could and can not substantiate) she might also be squirreled away with a pal in Venice and two days ago we heard from another canary we’ll call Divine Flowers who chirped to Your Mama that Miss Stewart might also be hiding out now and then in Malibu. Malibu?!? Miss Flowers, dontcha know, told Your Mama Miss Stewart “actually has a property” in Malibu then she thoughtfully and generously provided us with a location and street name.
This was the first we’d ever heard of this Malibu beach house bizness so we took to the interweb and in less than two minutes turned up indisputable evidence (in public records) that in September 2011 a quite contemporary house on the very street named by Miss Flowers was purchased for $4,800,000. However, it’s important to note that all the several property records databases we perused show the almost ocean-front residence is actually owned by Miss Stewart’s momma, Jules Mann Stewart.
Momma Stewart, a script supervisor originally from Australia, has been in Showbiz since at least the late 1980s with recent tee-vee and movie credits that include Scooby Doo! The Mystery Begins, The Sarah Silverman Program, and My Wife Is Retarded. Shaggy-maned Poppa John Stewart toils primarily as a Tinseltown stage manager for programs like Fear Factor, Man vs. Beast, Weakest Link and Family Feud.
A little internet elbow grease turned up a number of still available online listings for the “radically modern glass and steel” beach house that all show it measures 5,800 square feet while the L.A. County Tax Man shows it’s 3,944 square feet. Make of that what you will. Listing information also shows the tree- and shrub-enshrouded mini-compound—lightly perched on a thick, poured concrete base and tucked into a discreet, low-key enclave—is wedged on to a tight .12 acre up-sloping lot, was built in 1993, and includes a total of five bedrooms and 4.5 bathrooms divided between the three story main house and the detached and unpredictably oval-shaped guest house.
Listing information states the house has been published a handful of times and listing photographs show the main living space finished in a Post-Modern(esque) sort of contemporary style with pale hardwood floors; a (probably gas) fireplace; long walls of both opaque and clear class; and a slender balcony with over the roof top Pacific Ocean view. The streamlined, galley-style kitchen has blond, burled wood cabinets; grey stone-tiled flooring; some sort of stone or solid-surface counter top; and sleek, stainless steel appliances.
A top floor family room/den, wrapped on three sides by frosted and clear glass, spills out to a root top terrace with panoramic (if not entirely unobstructed) views of the ocean and coastline. A terraced backyard with above-ground spa provides additional and protected outdoor space away from the wind and sea spray.
Now children, use yer noggins now. Firstly, keep in mind the listing photos show the house as it appeared at the time of the sale. the day-core is not that of Missus (or Miss) Stewart but rather, of course, that of the seller. Secondly, this house in Malibu is technically owned by Kristen Stewart’s momma Jules Mann Stewart and not, as per property records, by Miss Stewart herself. However, despite her relative success in The Industry and despite our complete and total ignorance of her personal finances and/or net worth, we still think it seems like a bit of a stretch to imagine Momma Stewart has the wherewithal to purchase and maintain a nearly five million dollar beach house.
We confess we don’t really know a thing about who actually provided the money to buy the Malibu beach house but we do know, based on a reasonably thorough peek and a poke around public property records, that K-Stew’s momma has a straight up eclectic real estate palette. In addition to the (fairly) newly acquired, multi-million dollar Malibu beach house and the family’s long-time, six bedroom and five bathroom residence in hot as Hades Woodland Hills, CA—bought in November 1998 for $620,000—Momma Stewart also owns a hodge-podge of residential and commercial properties that include (but may not be limited to):
—A nondescript commercial building in decidedly downmarket downtown Maricopa, CA, bought November 2004 for $59,000
—An undetermined amount of undeveloped land on a two lane state highway just outside of Gainesville, FL near the unlikely community of Williston
—A single-story, triplex apartment building in a leafy but lackluster corner of Pasadena, CA, bought in July 2008 for $628,000
—A couple of adjacent properties with a couple of itty-bitty cottages tucked into a ho-hum section of Topanga, CA and bought in April 2010 for $700,000
—a 1,665 square foot office building in Van Nuys, CA bought in July 2010 for $1,100,000
Although we did find young Miss Stewart’s name briefly attached to triplex property a few years ago in Pasadena, it’s not clear or obvious—at least to Your Mama—if the broken-hearted Twilight superstar does (or does not) have actual ownership of or a partial stake in any of the above-listed properties.