BUYER: Chris Brown
LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA
SIZE: 2,473 square feet, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms
YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Listen chickens, Your Mama wouldn’t know a Chris Brown ditty if it walked up, kicked us hard in the soft of our shin and called us a jive-talkin’ turkey. What little we know about the young R&B/pop musician comes exclusively from what we’ve read on the blogs and in the tabs and gossip glossies, which is to say, what we know ain’t not particularly flattering.
We know he smacked (or otherwise assaulted) former gal pal Rihanna a few years ago and we know that more recently he’s worked the last nerves of at least a few of his neighbors at the 7-unit West Hollywood condo complex where in February 2011 he paid $1,600,000 for a penthouse pad with 3 bedrooms and 3.5 bathrooms.
A few minutes research on the interweb turns up various and scads of stories about young Mister Brown (and/or his guests) parking their luxury automobiles in two of the building’s underground parking spots marked for use by handicapped folks. However, for the record, his big-name legal man Mark Geragos claims Mister Brown’s deed shows the two handicap parking spots belong to his penthouse and in September (2011) 95 of 117 pending parking tickets incurred by Mister Brown were dismissed after the a court determined the parking spaces were indeed assigned to Mister Brown’s penthouse.
Mister Brown’s neighbors’ complaints do not, alas, end with the in-the-end not-illegal parking matters. They also say he and his entourage blast music at all hours of the day and night, race dogs in the building’s corridors–What?!?–and over the summer the po-po were summoned to the premises after it was reported someone carved the initials “C.B.” into the elevator doors. Mister Brown alleges it was one of his disgruntled neighbors who carved on the elevator doors in order to make him look bad. Could be. Stranger things have certainly happened.
Whatever the case, Mister Brown was clearly not well liked by his neighbors and smartly opted to get out of Dodge, or out of West Hollywood anyways. The tatted-up 22-year old was widely reported to have vacated the premises in early November (2011) and in mid-November it was reported by Radar Online he’d “bought a swanky Hollywood Hills Mansion for a cool $1.5 million.”
Your Mama would surely have looked right on past Mister Brown recent real estate activities–he’s not really in our orbit of interest–were it not for the rather surprising number of queries we’ve had about his new digs. It took us a day or two to get things sorted out but after a few queries, a couple of dead ends and a report on The Daily forwarded by Jezebel Justwantstoknow, Your Mama has ascertained that Mister Brown decamped to a fairly recently built and decidedly contemporary crib that clings dramatically to a precariously steep slope in a rugged (and quiet) ravine above Lake Hollywood in a neighborhood known as the Hollywood Dell. Yes, children, there is an actual (man-made) lake in Hollywood.
Anyhoo, it’s not entirely clear to Your Mama if Mister Brown leased or purchased the hillside house in question but property records do indicate that a mysterious corporate entity did indeed acquire the residence in mid-October (2011) for $1,550,000. Whether he bought or rented–it does appear to Your Mama, who does not know a gnat from a violin, that he bought the sexed-up residence–Mister Brown’s ludicrously painted Lamborghini Gallardo was reported by The Daily to have been seen parked in the street-level two-car garage that has a clear glass door, which ain’t the best way to keep the prying eyes of anyone from identifying one’s easily identifiable whip, you know?
The multi-level residence, designed by noted and accomplished L.A.-based architect Jay Vanos, sits high–very, very high–above the narrow and winding street. One old listing we dug up states that the top of the house soars more than 100 feet above the street, high enough to make someone with even a mild case of acrophobia to sweat like a sow and shriek with anxiety. The main portion of the house is accessible by either a butt-busting exterior staircase or private elevator that more easily whisks residents and guests up from the street level interior entry, past the separate guest quarters atop the garage to an exterior glass-railed bridge that spans a plunge-sized swimming pool and spa below and connects to the main entry to the glassy, multi-story main house.
Inside there’s a double-height living room with towering walls of glass with canyon views, fireplace with flat-screen mounted above and ebony wood floors under foot. The living room is open to a sleek Boffi brand kitchen with charcoal-colored cabinetry and what looks to Your Mama like stainless steel counter tops but may very well be something else entirely. Above the kitchen there looks to be a lofted office/sitting room.
The top level master suite, separated from the staircase by a glass wall that stretches from wall-to-wall and floor-to-ceiling, is open completely open to the bathroom that includes a free-standing soaking tub, separate glassed-in shower stall, and long, double sink vanity. It’s all terribly sexy in that Miami hotel suite sort of way but we can imagine it could be awfully annoying for a couple who have different schedules and routines to have to listen and watch their partner do their morning and/or evening ablutions.
The custom-designed house is, as per listing information we teased out of the internets, was designed with a green roof and is kitted and fitted with all the latest high-tech electronic gadgetry that includes a Crestron home automation system, state-of-the art audio and video security systems, and LED lighting displays throughout including in the swimming pool and jacuzzi that lights up like a damn disco at the flip of a switch.
As far as we know and/or can tell, Mister Brown has yet to lease or list his West Hollywood penthouse although we don’t expect he’ll want to keep it since at least some of the other residents of the complex seem to loathe the entertainer with every fiber of their real estate beings.