YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yesterday we dissed and discussed an ocean front home in the highly desirable and hideously expensive seaside enclave of Malibu (CA) owned by actor Tony Danza and listed with a robust asking price of $9,100,000. As expected, more than a few of the children had their real estate apple carts upset about the high price of the property particularly when they considered how it’s wedged into a sliver of sand between two other houses and the too often traffic-clogged Pacific Coast Highway.
In order to satisfy the rugrats who need more elbow room Your Mama thought we’d schlep out to a similarly priced mini-compound in Water Mill (NY), one of the hoitier of the toity communities that comprise the Hamptons. The property, owned by former Fox Business News anchor lady Alexis Glick and her photo industry hubby Oren, is listed at $8,995,000, slightly less than Mister Danza’s digs in the Bu. Although the Glick residence sits on a quiet lane lined with multi-million dollar bay front houses, anyone who has ever attempted to drive an automobile from Quogue to East Hampton at any time on any day during the extended summer season knows that–just as in Malibu–traffic in the Hamptons can be murderously frustrating.
New York City-raised Miz Glick was an equities trader on Wall Street before she caught the Showbiz Bug and starting filling in as an anchor/business news correspondent on various NBC, MSNBC and CNBC programs. In 2007 the brainy brunette became the anchor-hostess of the Money for Breakfast and Opening Bell programs on Fox Business Network (FBN), both of which have since been cancelled to make way for the much more popular and polarizing Imus in the Morning. Miz Glick left FBN in late 2009 and now heads up Gen YOUth Foundation, a non-profit organization committed to reversing childhood obesity, the very same cause that recently got first lady Michelle Obama crucified by conservatives who were outraged at the mere suggestion that a person might want to consider eating a goddam salad or rutabaga instead of a colossally caloric super-sized meal at a fast food joint.
Anyhoo, Missus Glick’s mister owns and operates the Shootdigital photo studio in New York City’s NoHo nabe. Together they have three boy children and as a family divide their time between their Water Mill mini-compound and a sleek apartment in the Flatiron District of Manhattan.
Property records reveal Mister and Missus Glick acquired their Hamptons hideaway in August 2007 for $7,300,000, just before real estate markets across the country took a titanic tumble due (in large part) to the implosion of the mortgage industry. Mister and Missus Glick have had their Hamptons house on the market since sometime before August 2010 when it was listed with a much higher price tag of $9,950,000.
Similar in size to Mister Danza’s approximately 3,000 square foot main house in Malibu, the Glick mini-compound also has an approximately 3,000 square foot main house with three bedrooms and 2 bathrooms. Also like Mister Danza’s property in the Bu, which has 2 detached guest suites, the Glick compound includes additional living quarters in a detached guest house.
While Mister Danza’s house sits directly on the sand, the Glick’s mini-compound backs up to a wee inlet on stunning Mecox Bay. It is perhaps a bit far for the pampered to walk or even bike to the beach but it’s not out of the question that a person might paddle a kayak or canoe from the private dock to the beach at the bottom of Flying Point Road, a stunning stretch of sand Your Mama, the Dr. Cooter our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly know quite well from our beach going years on the East End.
Listing information states the modern main house, built in 1971, was designed by “renowned architect Joe Bahri” while most other online discussions of the property name the architect as Y.S Bahri. Iffin Your Mama is being honest–and we always are–we’d freely confess that we’ve not ever heard of Joe nor Y.S. Bahri and we came up all but empty-handed when we Blackled them.
The guest house, an equally modern and glassy romboidal structure was designed by Francis Fleetwood, a well-known Hamptons architect who more typically specializes in gigantic shingled “cottages.”
After purchasing their fancy-pants pad in the Hamptons, Mister and Missus Glick hired minimalist-minded architect West Chin to do over the interior spaces. This was not the first time Mister Chin was employed by the Glicks; He’d previously re-worked the family’s Flatiron District apartment that appeared in 2008 in all its sleek and glossy glory in the lush pages of the now defunct Metropolitan Home magazine.
Your Mama would bet our long-bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that there will be a vociferous cavalcade of high-nosed classicists and architectural traditionalists who will sneer and snipe at the voluminous, very spare and nearly all-white interiors of the Glick crib in Water Mill for which Mister Chin is known. The architect is, as it turns out, quite popular amongst glammy New Yorkers such as catwalkers Amber Valetta and Shalom Harlow, Ari and Atoosa Rubenstein–he’s a financier, she’s the former editor-in-chief of Seventeen magazine, celebrity fashion photographer Regan Cameron, and actor Ed Burns and 1990s supermodel Christy Turlington who have all at one time or another hired Mister Chin to work his clean-lined architectural hocus–pocus on their own homes.
The angular and not-particularly pretty gray-shingled exterior gives way to lofty and voluminous living areas with chocolaty hardwood floors, reflective white walls, soaring ceilings of various heights and vast expanses of glass that frame and exploit the glorious water and and sunset views.
The main living areas of the main house pinwheel around a chunky fireplace stack and include a sunken living room where the transcendentally towering ceiling is spanned by a floating bridge that connects the upper level hall to the master bedroom. A few steps up from the living room the dining area has hard-wearing eggshell-colored tile flooring and is simply furnished with little more than a white high-gloss picnic table and a firework-shaped potted tree.
A long-bank on floor-to-ceiling windows extends the dining area down into an airy but intimate window-lined and glass-roofed sitting area furnished with a pair of wing-back recliner-style chairs upholstered in a flat gray fabric. We’re not convinced about the chairs but we are 100% positive that nooky-nook is a spectacular spot for whittling away weekend mornings with a whiskey-spiked cup of coffee while the sun sets the bay a-glitter in the diffuse morning light for which the Hamptons are famous.
The tile floors in the dining area extend into the adjoining kitchen, a water-loving sybarite’s dream with a wide row of windows instead of overhead cabinetry. The lower cabinets, gleaming white and Shaker-style, have long, vertically installed stainless steel (or nickel-plated or whatever) pulls. The very spare kitchen may not be the picture of country house cozy but it is outfitted with high-grade stainless steel appliances that include twin dishwashers and opens to a waterside dining terrace.
A sky-lit family room lined with open shelves filled with an astonishing number of action figurines was softened with wall-to-wall gray carpeting and an almost identically colored sectional sofa/lounge that Your Mama loves as do, we imagine, all the at-home orgiasts who lurk around our little interweb endeavor.
The chocolate-colored hardwood floors reappear in second floor master bedroom that also features crisp white walls, vaulted ceiling, glass-doored firebox with flat-screen tee-vee mounted above it, a potted tree or two and a bank of sliding glass doors that lead to a tiny waterside terrace.
The glassy guest house his a pocket-sized kitchenette area, bathroom easily accessed by sunbathers and swimming pool users, living room with limestone tile (or whatever) floors, wall-mounted flat-screen tee-vee, comfy looking wicker furniture set and a steeply-pitched sky-lit ceiling that allows for a full-height sleeping loft that hangs over the living room.
In between the main and guest houses an octagonal heated swimming pool and spa are surrounded by one of those dreaded child-safety barriers. As grotesque as we find most of these kid-saving swimming pool tsafey fences, this one at least was custom-designed to complement the architecture of the house. We still hate it but it could really be so much worse. An earlier listing for the property stated that the “indigenous landscaping” was designed by by Hamptons-based landscape guru Chris LaGuardia.
Your Mama will let the children duke it out in the comments and decide which is better real estate for the money: Malibu or Water Mill. How-evah, hunnies, the reality of the matter is that most wealthy west coast folks don’t have the inclination to fly to the Hamptons for summer weekends and most east coast folks aren’t interested in crossing the country by plane in order to hang out by the ocean for a day or two. So, really, it’s a little bit like comparing apples with oranges and, it should be noted, comparing what nine million clams buys in Malibu and/or the Hamptons with what half a million bucks buys in Wyoming or Alabama about as worthwhile as comparing a koala bear to a shoe. With that in your pipe, put on your real estate boxing gloves and have at it.
listing photos: Prudential Douglas Elliman