Reality A-Holes Unite: An Official Bill of Rights

Occasionally, there’s a throwaway line in one of my reviews that I look back on fondly. So it is with my appraisal of the CW’s “High Society,” another “Masterpiece Theater” non-wannabe, in which I mention an “Official Reality Asshole Bill of Rights,” after one of the more hateful characters proclaims, “I do what I want when I want. If you don’t like it, peace.”

On further thought, this bill of rights, an acronym I’ll call ORABOR, really does deserve to be codified. Here are a few key tenets:

I have the right to say things like “I do what I want when I want,” and act like being a selfish bastard is A-OK.

I have the right to say “I’m just playing the game” or “I’m not here to make friends” as an excuse for bad behavior in all situations.

I have the right to talk about myself as if I am famous long before anybody knows or gives a shit who I am.

I have the right to crash White House state functions in the service of my program.

I have the right to appear on magazine covers and be treated like a celebrity, even though I have no obvious marketable talents.

I have the right to claim after the program to dismiss anything that makes me look bad as misleading editing.

I have the right to refer to my life as “a journey,” even if I am in my 20s and really have no idea what “journey” means.

I have the right, in success, to live my life as a reality-TV participant, even if any semblance of reality melts away the longer I am on TV.


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