Oh No She Diuhnt! And Oh No He Diuhnt!

We should prolly just keep our fat trap shut about this because it’s barely about real estate but we can’t help it…

Your Mama was perusing Curbed LA yesterday afternoon awaiting inspiration and lightening to strike when we read with a grisly combination of righteous indignation and breathless flabbergast their rehash of the utterly absurd US Magazine report about how Brad freaking Pitt–allegedly–has his panties in a twist about his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston’s new found affection for all things architecture.

See puppies, architecture is kinda Brad’s thing, you know? Apparently–and allegedly–back when the Pittster and Missy Hoo Hoo were still married and re-working Wallis Annengberg’s big ol‘ house in Beverly Hills she would mock poor Brad for his thing, you know? So he’s little sensitive and possessive about his thing, you know?

Then along comes the big, ugly deevorce–that was, mind y’all, finalized 5 damn years ago–and Mister Pitt’s seemingly endless adoptions and breeding events with Angelina Jolie, all of which–according to previous tabloid reports–left ex-Missus Pitt bereft and tumbling into the arms of bad boys like Vince Vaughan and diarrhea mouthed musician Jon Mayer.

If Us Magazine‘s unidentified source is to be believed–and we paraphrase liberally here–when jealously didn’t work it’s bitter magic on the Pittster ex-Missus Pitt moved on to Plan B: She went and bought herself a humongous Hal Leavitt designed house in Beverly Hills and then proceeded to pay nice, gay decorator Stephen Shandley a pretty penny or three to do up the place in a kind of high style, an time consuming and exceedingly exercise that was all, according to Us Magazine‘s source, just a pathetic “ploy” to get the Pittster’s attention.

Bitch, pleeze.

Are we, the tabloid reading public, really supposed to believe that ex-Missus Pitt is so wrecked and desperate to restart her long dead romance with the Pittster and that rat’s nest on his chin that she would spend a staggering $13,500,000 to buy an architecturally significant home and god only knows how many millions more on a re-do just so that she could get her pretty house on the cover of Architectural damn Digest and thus, finally and at long last, snatch the Pittster’s attentions away from his global do-gooding baby momma Angelina Jolie and their 87 children? Really?

Listen celery sticks, Your Mama his hardly Miz Aniston’s biggest fan but even our cynical pea-sized brain does not and can not allow us to believe that Miz Aniston is that many kinds of berserk. Like that Bravo tee-vee executive and budding talk show queen Andy Cohen says, “Here’s what:” All these gossip glossies have just got to drop their incessant and stoopid bizness about ex-Missus Aniston still spending her nights lonely and locked up in her Hal Leavitt designed and Stephen Shandley re-worked mansion pining away for the Pittster and his architectural thing. It’s tie-urd. A been there and done that so many times times we got a bladder infection kind of tie-urd.

Okay? Enough.

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