SELLER: Mischa Barton
LOCATION: Beverly Hills (Post Office), CA
SIZE: 7,607 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 10 bathrooms
PRICE: $8,395,000

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: It will come as little or no surprise to real estate watchers, gossip glossy readers and celebrity real estate-ophiles that colossally career challenged ackturus Mischa Barton has quietly put her big ol‘ Beverly Hills, CA house on the market with an asking price of $8,395,000.

It wasn’t too long ago that the pretty former child actor was flying high as an uber-famous 18 year old with a lead role on a now defunct night time drama The OC. She had tons of tweens and paps falling at her feet and her career was poised to blow up big. Riding the wave of fame and fortune Miss Barton chose to leave The OC after just three season so that she could better become the superstar she–and her people–thought she should be. But alas, instead of blowing up her career has imploded, folding back on itself in a blur of tabloid salaciousness, bad professional choices and–the wee lassie–issues with illegal substances.

Nowadays, rather than he plum roles in smoking hot projects, Miss Barton has been reduced to guest spotting as a prostie on one of the many programs in the Law & Order franchise. And even that bit part, children, was marred by tabloid stories of Miss Barton acting a hot mess and not being able to remember the few lines she was given.

And that brings us back to Miss Barton’s Beverly Hills house that she, reportedly, shares with her also troubled sister Hania and their parents. Property records show that Miss Barton bought the Beverly Hills Post Office residence in July 2005 for $6,400,000. This was before she gave up her fat paycheck from The OC and could well afford a major mortgage. The triple story Mediterranean, located on a private and gated street off Mulholland Drive, measures 7,607 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 10 poopers according to property records. The square footage does not include, as per listing information, the two “detached guest suites” that, as far as Your Mama can tell, aren’t really detached as much as located in their own wing of the structure.

The property, which is gated even though the street is gated, stretches along 1.21 hillside acres that overlooks scrubby and dry hills that tumble and crinkle down into the canyon below. The drive gates swing open to a short driveway that descend to a piazza-like motor court and detached 3 car garage. An iron and glass front door opens to a stone floored and entrance gallery with rough hewn beamed ceiling.

The big square formal living room has some sort of beige marble floor, a bunch of French doors that open to terraces and patios, and a wood burning fireplace. BUT Seriously, let’s get down, dirty and real honest here for a moment, okay? What’s with the satin-y, champagne colored slip covers with tasseled tie-backs on not just one round armed sofa, but three. Are these Barton people serious? Someone please tell Your Mama they did not actually pay someone to inflict that punishment on their living room. Pair that trio of chesterfield terror with peach colored walls, an ornate and gilded mirror with a matching side table looking all lonely against the back wall and add a whole lotta swagged drapery that looks like something Blanche Devereaux might have worn on a blind date and we’re dealing with nothing less than an a high crime of decorative bad taste. Listen chickens, Your Mama does not meant to make light of Miss Mischa’s alleged issues with illegal substances but, have mercy, Your Mama would need a nerve pill of an illegal sort too iffin we had to live up in a house with this living room.

Anyhoo, adjacent to the formal living room is a library/media room with some built in book shelves, more beige marble floor tiles laid on the bias, another fireplace with a flat scree tee-vee mounted above it and, we regret to inform, even more elaborately swagged drapery. A second foyer with black and white tiled floor and a shockingly ornate and gilded center table that looks like something out of one of Saddam Hussein’s palaces leads to the formal dining room with its gutsy vermilion walls that actually look pretty good with the black and white tile floor. What does not look so good is the dining room set created from a mish-mash of reclaimed wood, reclaimed Greek columns used for table legs and swoopy, imitation French antique chairs. Okay, we don’t really know if those are faux-antique chairs but they look exactly like something that one could buy from Direct Buy and that’s really not such a good thing in an eight million dollar house even if it’s not staying once Miss Barton sells the place. Beyond the dining room is the large country kitchen that, while not our cup of tea, will likely appeal to folks who like a faux-Tuscan farmhouse sort of thing

Perhaps the property’s best features are reserved for it’s multiple and many exterior spaces that consist of expansive terraces, quiet patios and a grassy yard where a swimming pool has been sunk into the lawn. The swimming pool area gives way to a garden path the bobs and weaves down and around the hillside below the house with a number of secret and serene spots where the Barton gurls can commune with nature and get away from their live in parents.

As we mentioned before, Miss Barton’s house is located in a small gated community of about a half dozen homes whose owners include HSN co-founder Bud Paxson and actor John Stamos. Other nearby neighbors include Woody Harrelson and Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale who now own the house in the gated Summit community that JLo once owned when she was still with Ben Affleck.

The Barton clan has long owned a condo on Reade Street in New York City’s TriBeCa neighborhood but that didn’t stop Miss Mischa from leasing a loft on nearby Walker Street in the fall of 2009 to the tune of $7,000 per month. Trouble was Mischa, the little minx, didn’t pay the rent on the 2,300 square foot apartment and, according to her landlord, the troubled ackturuss owes him more than twenty thousand clams in back rent and late fees. None the less and despite his drama with Miss Barton, the loft’s landlord listed the loft for lease in early December of 2009 with an asking price of $8,500. According to the peeps at Streeteasy, the 2 bedroom and 1 pooper loft is no longer available.

No word on where Miss Barton will go next, if she’s leaving L.A. for good, planning on settling down in New York or maybe heading across the pond to start anew and afresh in London or some other European capital.