SELLER: Mel Gibson
PRICE: $14,500,000
SIZE: 5,403 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 6 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Thanks to Malibu Mary Your Mama has learned that two-time Oscar winning actor Mel Gibson recently listed Lavender Hill Farm, his long-time family compound in Maleeboo’s guard-gated Serra Retreat community with an asking price of $14,500,000.

Back in the 1980s and 90s, mouthy Mister Gibson earned mammoth mountains of money for making movies like Braveheart, Ransom, Payback and, of course, the Lethal Weapon franchise. In 1985 he was named People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive and he landed on the publication’s high-sterically schmaltzy 50 Most Beautiful People in the World list in 1990, 1991 and 1996. During those salad years, when just the mere mention of his name would cause a certain sort of woman to quiver and pant with sexual desire, his long time wife Robyn was popping out babies at an almost alarming rate. By 1999 their brood numbered seven with six boys and one gurl.

Mister Gibson’s career as a brooding and quintessentially masculine film stud roared into the 2000s. He was paid a staggering $25,000,000 to star in The Patriot (2000) and ranked in the top 20 of Premiere magazine’s Power 100 list in both 2002 and 2003. In 2004 Mister Gibson wrote, produced and directed The Passion of the Christ–a religiously themed and highly controversial film that did over $600,000,000 in box office worldwide and pushed the already wickedly rich Mister Gibson’s net worth to nearly a billion bucks. Then came Apocalypto in 2006, which he also wrote, produced and directed and which took in another $120,000,000+ in world wide box office receipts. Although he was making epic and epically quirky films in which the actors spoke languages only about 57 people in the world can actually understand, he was officially a Tinseltown tycoon, a Hollywood hotshot, box office catnip that could write his own ticket.

Then came the almost inevitable fall from grace. In 2006, his marriage unraveling, Mister Gibson was arrested in Malee-boo for speeding, driving under the influence of alcohol and having an open container of booze in his vehicle. He admitted to making anti-Semitic remarks during his arrest. He apologized, natch, for his “despicable” behavior but unlike times in the past when he’d said offensive things about gays and Jews, the public has not been quite so willing to let this one go.

In a recent television interview to promote his new film Edge of Darkness, Mister Gibson visibly bristled when questioned about whether his struggles with booze and accusations of anti-Semitism had affected his career. Gibson deflected. The interviewer continued to prod. Gibson became more agitated saying he’d moved on from these events that happened four years ago. At the end of the interview, a clearly agitated Mister Gibson is heard calling the interviewer an “asshole.” His P.R. person claims Mister Gibson was not calling the interviewer an asshole but rather calling him–his pr person–an asshole because he’d irritated Mister Gibson by “pulling faces” during the interview. Oh. Uhm. Okay. Whatever you say Mister P.R. man.

Anyhoo and none the less, Mister Gibson has moved on. His wife filed for deevorce in 2009 and he has turned over a somewhat surprising new romantic leaf with a new ladee-friend–and baby momma–former panty model and musician of some sort Oksana Grigorieva. We’re not sure how Mister Gibson squares his impending deevorce and having a baby outside of wedlock with his quite conservative religious beliefs but however he does it would probably cause Your Mama and any number of other people to roll their eyes and purse their lips.

Property records show the Mister and soon to be ex-Missus Gibson purchased their compound in the Serra Retreat in January of 1993 for an undisclosed amount of money. Listing information show the recently renovated Spanish hacienda style house, nestled up against the foothills, sits on 2.57 flat acres and measures 5,403 square feet with 6 bedrooms and 6 poopers including a privately situated second floor master suite with a separate sitting room warmed by a kiva style fireplace, two walk-in closets, and a private pooper with a yellow, black and white tiled floor, a couple of built in corner cabinets for lotions, potions and other terlitries, and twin pedestal sinks above which is a mirror that’s far to small for the space. The five other family bedrooms are not enough for each of the Gibson children to have their own room so presumably they doubled up some of the six boys.

Listing information indicates that in addition to the formal living and dining rooms that have tiled floors and heavy, rough hewn beamed ceilings, the main house includes a large kitchen that is open to the breakfast room and family room, a small library lined with built in book shelves that don’t seem to have very many books on them, a media/music room, office, exercise room and sun room. There are three fireplaces–in the living room, library and master bedroom–for taking the edge of the nippy coastal air.

According to listing information, the property also includes staff quarters, 3 guest houses, 2 offices, a detached gym, and a rustic, open air garden cabana/entertainment pavilion with horizontally installed paneled walls, high ceiling, fireplace and built in barbecue center. We recall reading somewhere–but do not remember where–that Mister Gibson has a private chapel on the property where he took mass daily, which means that Mister Gibson must have had a priest on retainer. How else does one get a man of the cloth to make daily house calls?

The park-like, celebrity style grounds include vast expanses of green lawn, mature shade trees, fruit orchards, organic gardens, a large swimming pool and spa with and adjacent pavilion, shaded terraces, a lighted north/south tennis court, and a very Alice in Wonderland-ish, over-sized chess board in the lawn. Naturally, the entire property is wrapped in state of the art security. So any of you people who manage to slither by the guards at the gates to the Serra Retreat should expect to be video taped and watched by snipers as you roll by this house. Okay, we don’t know if there are snipers, but who’d be surprised if there were in fact armed guards patrolling the property?

The Serra Retreat is where, the children may recall, pop star Britney Spears and her ex-huzband Kevin Federline lived next door to Olivia Newton John. Spears, Federline and Newton John have all moved out of the neighborhood but current big name property owners in the exclusive enclave include Kelsey Grammar and his busty blond wife Camille, and super producer James Cameron (Titanic, Avatar) who owns two adjacent houses on the same culde-sac where Spears, Federline and Newton John all lived.

From what Your Mama hears through the Malee-boo real estate gossip grapevine, the Serra Retreat estate is occupied by soon to be ex-Missus Gibson and Mister Gibson roams around to the many other properties he owns in Malibu including a couple of adjacent ocean front houses on star-studded Broad Beach Road and the Carbon Mesa Road residence he–or possibly soon to be ex-Missus Gibson–snatched up to the tune of $11,500,000 in June of 2008 from Californication‘s David Duchovny and his wife Tea Leoni who have since hightailed it back to New York City.

As for Mister Gibson’s baby momma, Your Mama hears from two sources in the position to know that she and the baby are squired away in a 4 bedroom and 3 pooper Frank Lloyd Wright inspired residenc on a quiet cul-de-sac in the hills of Sherman Oaks, CA. Of course, we don’t know a wool blanket from glue gun but Your Mama can certainly imagine that soon to be ex-Missus Gibson told Mister Gibson to keep his baby momma outta The Bu. Whatever happened or didn’t happen, baby momma is bringing up baby in the heart of the San Fernando Valley.

Mister Gibson owns a slew of other properties including Old Mill Farm, a 75+ acre estate in hoity toity Greenwich, CT, that includes a massive mansion iwith 15 bedrooms and 11 full and 6 half poopers. That’s 17 damn terlits, a huge number of bowls that would cause our house gurl Svetlana to fly into uncontrollable conniption fits and demand that Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter hire her a team of assistants. Mister Gibson has been trying to sell his Connecticut estate for years, first listing it at $39,500,000 and eventually slicing and dicing the asking price to its current $29,750,000.

It was widely reported back in 2005 that Mister Gibson forked over around $15,000,000–or $9,000,000 depending on where you look–to purchase and private island in Fiji. We have no way of confirming whether this purchase did in fact occur.

The somewhat ironically devoutly religious Mister Gibson also owns a bunch of land on the Mulholland Highway in Agoura Hills, CA where he’s dumped millions building a church complex where he and a few dozen other folks follow a particular brand of Catholicism that is unaffiliated with the Roman Catholic archdiocese and adheres to a strict, pre-Second Vatican Council regimen that includes the priest giving mass in Latin with his back to the parishioners.

photo: Pacific Coast News