You will be redirected back to your article in seconds

Stan Helsing: A Parody

A little "Airplane!," a little "Scream," a little "Scary Movie" and less than a good time.

Stan - Steve Howey Nadine - Diora Baird Mia - Desi Lydic Teddy - Kenan Thompson Waitress - Leslie Nielsen

There’s only one “Stan Helsing” — but that won’t last long. When a movie is advertised as being “from the executive producer of ‘Scary Movie,’ ” the one thing you can count on is more of the same, which is precisely what producer-writer-director Bo Zenga provides — creaky horror-movie parody, Freddy/Jason/Michael/Chucky lookalikes, bathroom gags, gynecological levity and even a Michael Jackson visual. (If “Bruno” had to excise its Jacko joke, why not “Stan Helsing”?) It’s the kind of thing you like, if you like this kind of thing. As of this Tuesday, you can like it on DVD.

Thank goodness for the cast. Steve Howey, Diora Baird, Desi Lydic and Kenan Thompson make an utterly charming quartet, and probably the gamest in town, given what they have to work with (and how cheerfully they play it out).

Howey’s title character is a chronic slacker who’s constantly being mistaken for someone named Van Helsing — obviously, the vampire slayer of film and fiction, and someone with whom Stan seems to have nothing in common. Just ask his ex, Nadine (Baird), who’s so tired of Stan, she doesn’t even want to take the same car with him to a Halloween party, for which she’s dressed up as a buxom Arapaho complete with buckskin bustier. Seated upfront are Teddy (Thompson) in a Superman outfit and Mia (Lydic) in a Catholic schoolgirl skirt. Mia, by the way, used to be a lap dancer and now works as a massage therapist, just in case you thought this was Harold Pinter.

The four think they’re making a pre-party side trip to drop off some videos, but they’re really headed into a rather tiresome catalog of old nightmares, Fridays, Texas chainsaw demonstrations and homicidal dolls, none of which are as interesting as the four people in the van. Or Leslie Nielsen, who shows up as a rather chesty waitress in a karaoke bar, in a town where horror movies were once made, but which suffered a horrible fire that still haunts the town — and apparently left the stench of old jokes in the air.

As the four get deeper and deeper into their bad Halloween dream (their trip to the party is like the one in “Eyes Wide Shut” without Tom Cruise), Stan will eventually get in touch with his inner Hugh Jackman and become the Helsing he was meant to be. But the family plotline isn’t exploited very much in the end; Zenga is more concerned with flatulence and crotch humor to work up anything on a higher level. A little “Airplane!,” a little “Scream,” a little “Scary Movie” and what it adds up to is less than a good time.

If “Stan” does nothing else, it should at least get its four leads some attention. Thompson is already well known through”Saturday Night Live,” but Baird, Lydic and Howey need a break and deserve one — preferably via something funny.

Production values are like a pile of smoldering old tires.

Popular on Variety

Stan Helsing: A Parody


Production: An Anchor Bay Entertainment (in U.S.) release of a Stone Village Pictures and Boz Prods. (U.S.) presentation of an Insight Film Studios (Canada) production. Produced by Scott Steindorff, Bo Zenga, Kirk Shaw. Executive producers, Karen Lauder, Mark Jacobs, Christian Arnold-Beutel, Gregory R. Greenfield, Lionel S. Margolick, Scott M. Boggio, William G. Brown, Scott LaStaiti, Lindsay Macadam, Dylan Russell. Co-producers, Ryan Scott Warren, Elek Lars Hendrickson, Shannon McA'Nulty, Valeska Ramet. Directed, written by Bo Zenga.

Crew: Camera (color), Robert New; editors, Dennis M. Hill, Sterling Scott; music, Ryan Shore; music supervisor, Liz Gallacher; production designer, Chris August; art director, Anneke van Oort; set decorator, Shirley Inget; costume designer, Angelina Kekich; sound (Dolby Digital), Graham Timmer; special effects coordinators, Brant McIllroy, Martin Testa; visual effects supervisor, Richard Mintak; associate producers, Adam Voghell, Devon DeLapp; casting, Annie McCarthy, Jay Scully, Freddy Luis, Laura Brooke Toplass, Tiffany Mak. Reviewed at Village East Cinemas, New York, Oct. 23, 2009. MPAA Rating: R. Running time: 90 MIN.

Cast: Stan - Steve Howey Nadine - Diora Baird Mia - Desi Lydic Teddy - Kenan Thompson Waitress - Leslie Nielsen

More Scene

  • Laverne Cox Charlie's Angels

    How Laverne Cox Landed a Cameo in Elizabeth Banks' 'Charlie’s Angels'

    Laverne Cox officially earned her wings, scoring a role in Sony’s “Charlie’s Angels.” But she revealed her cameo almost didn’t happen. When the Emmy-nominee heard that Elizabeth Banks was directing the film, the longtime fan of the franchise (and of Banks herself) reached out about being part of the project. Cox had previously worked with [...]

  • Lena Waithe'The Inheritance' Broadway play opening,

    Lena Waithe, Anderson Cooper Attend Broadway Opening of 'The Inheritance'

    “The Inheritance” pulls viewers in many directions — toward pain and hope, trauma and healing. It’s what brought stars like Andy Cohen, Anderson Cooper, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick and Lena Waithe to Broadway on Sunday — a chance to heal, to remember and grieve. Also in attendance for the premiere at the Barrymore Theater [...]

  • Cybill ShepherdTrevorLIVE, Show, The Beverly Hilton,

    'The L Word' Co-Stars Cybill Shepherd and Jane Lynch Reunite at TrevorLive

    Fans of Showtime’s “The L Word” will be happy to hear that Cybill Shepherd eagerly reprised her on-screen romance with former co-star Jane Lynch on Sunday night at the TrevorLive Gala at the Beverly Hilton in Los Angeles. While accepting the champion Award, Shepherd kissed Lynch not one, but twice. The “Moonlighting” star was recognized [...]

  • Rami Malek, Robert Pattinson and John

    Robert Pattinson Praises Fans for Raising Funds for Go Campaign: ‘It’s So Sweet’

    Robert Pattinson is giving back, but he’s even more impressed that his friends and fans are joining him in the fight. “It’s amazing,” Pattinson told Variety on the black carpet outside Neuehouse in Hollywood at the Go Campaign’s annual gala. “And they’ve done it every year. It’s kind of — it’s so sweet and I [...]

More From Our Brands

Access exclusive content