Okay puppies, Your Mama is having a roller coaster of a day and although our wind is usually quite long and concise is certainly not our forte, we’re going to try to be brief on a number of small items burning a hole in our magic bag of celebrity real estate.
Your Mama hears from our treasured informant Lucinda Letsthecatoutofthebag that Oscar nominated actor Robert Downey Jr. (The Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Ally McBeal) is hunting for new digs in Los Angeles and from the sound of things he’s looking to up do it up in superstar style.
Although he’s yet to close a deal, according to Miz Letsthecatoutofthebag, Mister Downey Jr. recently backed out of a deal to purchase a pricey and recently rehabbed residence on Oakmont Drive, arguably the swankiest street in all of Brentwood.
The very contemporary crib was originally designed by much touted architect Raymond Kappe who founded the sensationally innovative and dee-lishusly avant garde SCI-Arc. The glassy house Mister Downey Jr. did not buy sits at the end of a 600-foot celebrity style drive on a 2+ acre lot, measures approximately 11,000 square feet, and includes total of 6 bedrooms and 9 poopers according to listing information. The property was originally listed at a bone chilling $21,500,000 but after nearly a year of languishing, the asking price has been whittled down to an only slightly less frightening $13,950,000.
2. All the children who have been paying close attention to the celebrity real estate over the last couple of years will recall that Hollywood’s current comedic writer/producer/director darling Judd Apatow (Freak and Geeks, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, Funny People) and his ack-tress wifey Leslie Mann have been looking for a new house in which to house their growing family.
Back in June of 2007 Mister Apatow was rumored to have lost out on a bid to buy Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale’s old digs on Aberdeen Avenue in Los Feliz. He was beat out by his nemesis Mark Brazill who, it was whispered, bought the casa only to stymie Mister Apatow’s efforts to buy it. Mister Brazill has since, according to property records, sold the house at an $800,000 loss.
Then, in late 2008, several sources blabbed to Your Mama that Mister and Missus Apatow were showing a bit of real estate interest in the N. Carmelina Avenue mansion that just about everyone thought Affifer (or whatever it is Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner get called in the gossip glossies) were going to buy but didn’t because they swooped in an bought Brian Grazer’s Cliff May sprawler in Pacific Palisades instead. However, for reasons unknown to Your Mama, the Apatows passed on that one.
However, according to Nelly Knowsitall who, as y’all call tell, really knows it all, the Apatows (and their real estate people) have successfully negotiated to purchase a Brentwood, CA estate owned by boob-toob producer Marty Adelstein (Prison Break, Point Pleasant, Tru Calling). The recently completed Bristol Avenue property was never on the open market and, according to Miz Knowsitall, is being bought by Mister Apatow lock, stock and furniture for somewhere right around $20,000,000. Property records show the house measures in at 10,341 square feet and includes 5 bedrooms and 7 terlits. As far as we can suss out, the deal has not yet closed.
3. This is old news puppies, but we simply can’t help ourselves from dipping our little toe into a dee-lishusly deep pool of Palm Beach real estate schadenfreude. Last year, a multi-billionaire Russian fertilizer mogul (good grief) named Dmitry Rybolovlev forked over a toe curling and record breaking $95,000,000 for an astonishingly ostentatious Palm Beach mansion called Maison L’Amitié that was owned (but never occupied) by hair challenged real estate blow hard Donald Trump. Mister Rybolovlev reportedly paid cash. That’s right, cash.
Not long after scooping up the 33,000 square foot beast, Mister Rybolovlev’s wifey Elena filed for a dee-vorce in Switzerland where they moved in 1995, according to the dee-vorce papers, for “security reasons.” The soon to be ex-Mrs. Rybolovlev is asking for 50% of the couple’s marital assets which she estimated to be between six and twelve billion clams and, natch, includes the little beach shack on they bought in Palm Beach last year.
According to reports, the soon to be ex-Mrs. Rybolovlev filed a lis pendens on the property which gives a court of law jurisdiction over the property because her allegedly philandering huzband has a tendency of “secreting and transferring assets in order to avoid his obligations.”
Your Mama wishes you some good damn luck ladee because it is our humble and entirely meaningless opinion that iffin you get this house (or any part of it) in the dee-vorce, you got a long and hard road ahead of you finding some wildly rich buyer willing to cough up anywhere near the $95,000,0000 paid for it.
We really do loathe discussing the sad circus that is Lindsey Lohan and her on again/off again/on again/off again/on again/off again relationship with her lesbian ladee friend Sam Ronson. However, we’re going to swallow what little shame and pride we have and do it anyway.
Your Mama recently heard from one of the children who directed Your Mama to Miss Ronson’s Twitter page on which she tweeted to someone named RJWeir that she is planning on moving out of her rented Beachwood Canyon crib where she and Miss Lohan are regularly heard having loud domestic disputes.
Given that Miss Ronson’s current crib sits right up on the road where the paps can see every coming and going, Your Mama would recommend she move her skinny butt into a secured apartment building with underground parking where she and her high-drama damsel in distress can come and go without all the snapping lights of the paps.
Miss Lohan, much to the chagrin of her neighbors, currently leases a house not far from Miss Ronson. Although from what we hear, the neighbors are getting fed up with the noise and nonsense that seems to follow the starlet in decline everywhere she goes.
A couple of weeks ago, or maybe it was just last week, Your Mama heard from the beautiful Babbling Babette that porn king Norm Zada was entertaining a low offer on his modern mega-manse up in Beverly Park which he’s currently got listed at $22,500,000 (reduced from $24,500,000). Then, just the other day we took a call from Goldilocks who snitched that word on the Beverly Park gossip train is that Heidi Klum and Seal made a low ball $14,000,000 offer on the sprawling modern monster mansion.
Listen chickens, for reasons that will go entirely unexplained, Your Mama has actually been in this house which looks and feels to us like a damn airport or a small convention center. Listing information indicates the glassy structure stretches to 20,000 square feet and includes 10 bedrooms and 18 damn pooper rooms including one in the guest house that has a party sized circular shower with multiple shower heads. Larhd have mercy, Your Mama is no prude but we do not even want to know about the sordid sexual spectacles that probably went down in there.
Anyhoo, we don’t have any idea why Mister and Missus Klum would want to vacate their 6 bedroom and 9 terlit on San Ysidro Drive in the Hills of Beverly which they purchased in December of 2005 for $7,600,000, but perhaps they are simply finding the comparatively puny 6,794 square foot house too tiny to accommodate their ever-growing family.
Only a short time after Real Housewife of New York City Jill Zarin let her nice gay decorator Brad Boles go hog wild on her Upper East Side apartment, she and Mister Zarin have put their 3 bedroom, 3.5 bathroom, 30th floor condo on the market with an asking price of $3,200,000.
After Miss Boles completed his over the top overhaul of the Zarin residence, the 1,956 square foot E. 60th Street apartment was photographed for Traditional Home magazine. In the course of being interviewed and questioned about his decorative choices by the editors of the magazine, Miss Boles said, ‘“This is where my background as a makeup artist for film and fashion comes into play,” notes the designer. “Creating a beautiful face on a woman was a natural transition to creating a sumptuous interior she looks great in. Blue-greens and teals are the most flattering colors for her.”’
Oh queen, pleeze.
Your Mama finds the spicy Miz Zarin to be the only even remotely likable New York housewife but bee-hawtcha needs to learn how to turn the volume down on her self-proclaimed gay huzbands decorating antics.