×

Look out Hamptonites. Not only is Santa Claus coming to town, so is Madonna.

According the the New York Post and about 17 other online sources, perfectly preserved pop super star Madonna has signed contracts to purchase Wild Ocean Farm, Kelly Klein’s 30-acre horse facility in Bridgehampton, NY. Miz Klein is, of course, the ex-ladee mate of fashion deeziner Calvin Klein and a noted horsewoman who used the property to train show horses. Other than a grooms apartment, the contiguous but oddly configured property does not currently have a residence which means the Kabbalah Kween will either need to build one–if that’s even possible–or buy one elsewhere in the Hamptons. Listen puppies, Your Mama has a sneaking suspicion she’ll be buying–south of the highway, natch–before next summer. But that’s just a hunch chickens and not based on any inside information we’ve (not) received.

The Mitchell’s Lane spread was not listed on the open market but it’s speculated that Madge and Miz Klein reached an agreement–sans a real estate broker–for something under ten million horseshoes. It’s also rumored and reported that the material mommy has her property hungry eyeballs an adjacent and vacant 23.8 acre parcel on Millstone Road, currently listed at an undisclosed price but pegged at $2,400,000 by Miz Gould at the New York Post.

It’s quite possible that the recent deevorsay, who is still getting her cougar on with much younger Brazilian model Jesus Luz, would not be allowed to build a residence on the Millstone Road property because, according to all reports, Suffolk County has purchased or is the process of purchasing the development rights.

For those not edgumuhkated on the ins and out of Hamptons real estate, let Your Mama offer y’all a 40-second primer on these Suffolk County development rights. In an effort to maintain and support the agricultural history of the east end of Long Island and to quell rampant development of huge housing developments, a property transfer tax was levied against home and property buyers. The tax, which essentially amounts to 2% of the purchase price, is payable at the closing. On the North Fork, the first $150,000 on improved land was exempt and on the South Fork–otherwise known as the Hamptons, the first $250,000 of the purchase price for improved land is exempt. The tax was and still is used to purchase a particular parcel’s “development rights,” which essentially means that the land can only be used in perpetuity for agricultural purposes. The land owners are usually allowed to build “farm” buildings such as barns or greenhouses on the property, but not a private residence. Therefore if both of these Bridgehampton parcels that Madge is allegedly purchasing have had the development rights sold, she will under no circumstances be allowed to build a mansion on either of the properties.

Anyhoo, we’re quite certain that Madge’s financial and legal peeps are well acquainted with the development rights issues on the East End and how they relate to and affect–or don’t affect–both of these parcels. Anyone want to take bets on how long it is before an East Hampton storefront is turned into a Kabbalah Center?