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Lou and Laurie Hightail it to the Hamptons

BUYER: Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson
LOCATION: Old Stone Highway, East Hampton, NY
PRICE: 1,495,000
SIZE: 1,900 square feet, 2 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Historic family compound near Amagansett and all the best beaches. The newly renovated main house features 2 bedrooms, 2 luxurious baths, spacious living room with fireplace, sparkling professional kitchen, formal dining room and a screened porch. The storybook guest cottage is also newly renovated with 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom and kitchen. A new heated pool and a pool house with full bath complete the compound with is set amongst towering specimen trees on 1.4 very private acres.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: When Your Mama first got wind that legendary rock star Lou Reed and his equally legendary musician/performance artist wife Laurie Anderson snatched up a house in the Hamptons, we have to admit we were more than a bit skeptical. Yes, the Hamptons were once chock full of counter-cultural arty farty types like Lou and Laurie who whittled away their summer days on a shoestring and fairy dust. Now days, even with the recent collapse of the real estate market on the East End, it’s hideously expensive–can y’all say $100 per pound for Lobster Salad at Loaves and Fishes in Bridgehampton?–and it’s hardly walking on the wild side if you know what we’re saying?

For those children who live under a rock or are too young to know, let Your Mama school you for a moment. Long Island, NY raised Lou Reed–who was rather bizarrely and sadly given barbaric electroconvulsive “therapy” as a teenager to cure him of homosexual tendancies–wrote songs, sang and played gee-tar in the near mythic pre-punk art band Velvet Underground which back in the 1960s and 70s was the de facto house band for Andy Warhol’s Factory scene. His spikey haired wife Laurie Anderson is a much heralded, somewhat esoteric and fully intellectualized musician, sculptor and performance artist who some of y’all might be surprised to learn, graduated magna cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa from Barnard College and then went on to get an MFA from Columbia.

Anyhoo, according to previous reports, property records and our favorite property purveyor in the Hamptons Paulina Palaver, Mister Reed and Miz Anderson forked over $1,495,000 for a private compound in the Barnes Landing area on the outskirts of swanky East Hampton, NY that is really more Amagansett than East Hampton. According to listing information generously provided to Your Mama by Miss Palaver, the 1.4 acre property on Old Stone Highway includes a recently renovated cedar shingled, 1,900 square foot main house with 2 bedrooms and two plush poopers as well as a living room with wood floors, a vaulted ceiling, wood burning fireplace and a row of French door style windows that slide open to a small terrace overlooking the swimming pool and backyard. The modest main house also includes a screened porch which will allow Lou and Laurie to sit and eat outside without being punished by the swarms of mosquitoes and other flying insects that inhabit the Hamptons in vast numbers.

The main house also has a formal dining room open to the recently redid kitchen which unfortunately features some out of context saltillo tile floors as well as a vaulted ceiling, simple, white Shaker style cabinetry and honey colored flecked granite counter tops. There’s a white porcelain farmhouse sink and some open shelving for displaying cooking curios or fancy foreign olive oils and a full compliment of stainless steel appliances including one of those Fisher & Paykel double drawer dishwashers that just make Your Mama want to pull out all our eyelashes with frustration.

There is little Your Mama likes more than a guest house where overnight guests are free to fart freely, fornicate loudly and snore like a chainsaw without disturbing Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter’s much needed beauty rest. Lou and Laurie’s new guest house is practically perfectly given it’s location behind the pool house and well away from the main house. The cozy cottage offers a living room, bedroom and even a kitchen which is deevoon because that way weekend visitors can brew their own damn coffee and leave Your Mama alone in the morning.

According to listing information, the swimming pool is new and the pool house pooper means no wet people traipsing around in the house. The grounds are pleasantly natural with thick stands of mature trees the shield the house from the road and neighbors which means Lou and Laurie can work on all over tans.

Records and previous reports reveal Mister Reed owns a New York City penthouse residence on the same stretch of West 11th Street where financially beleaguered photographer Annie Leibovitz owns a couple of townhouses. As far as we can tell, Miz Anderson still owns a dooplex unit in an artist filled building at the far western end of Canal Street that records show she purchased in 1990, or perhaps even before 1990. Your Mama has no idea if Miz Anderson occupies the two floor spread as a residence, office, studio or some combination thereof.

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