SELLER: Kirsten Dunst
LOCATION: Nichols Canyon Road, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $1,700,000
SIZE: 2,062 square feet, 3 bedrooms 2.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: An inviting Mid-Century home awaits atop the much desired Nichols Canyon area of the Hollywood Hills. Behind massive gates and a state of the art security system sits a home updated by Brian Murphy and designed by Hallworth Designs. This celebrity retreat comes complete with 3 bedrooms and 2.5 baths. The living room hints at just a few of the luxuries of this home with heated floors, a pitched ceiling and exposed beams. Curl up with a book in front of the fireplace in the reading nook adjacent

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: This morning, while swilling sugared up coffee and waiting for our afternoon appointment to roll around, we absent mindedly perused all the new listings around the dog friendly Runyan Canyon area–where Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter often walk our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly–and came across a modest if not cheap Nichols Canyon property listed at $1,700,000 that we immediately identified as being owned by actress Kristen Dunst who, for some reason, Your Mama likes to call Little Miss Kiki.

Along with her long and impressive list of film credits (The Virgin Suicides, Bring It On, Mona Lisa Smile, Marie Antoinette and, of course the Spider-Man franchise), Little Miss Kiki also has a long and impressive list of hook-ups, romantic liaisons and relationships with high profile males including but not limited to Drew Barrymore’s on and off again boytoy Justin Long, actors Josh Hartnett, Ryan Gosling, Orlando Bloom, Andy Samberg, Zach Braff and Tobey Maguire, rock stars Johnny Borrell , Fabrizio Moretti and Adam Levine. But then again, what single Hollywood acktress of note hasn’t Mister Levine laid?

Anyoo, property records show that Miss Dunst purchased her Nichols Canyon Road residence in December of 2003 for $1,250,000. This was back when Little Miss Kiki was paired up with up an up and coming superstar named Jake Gyllenhaal, who reportedly lived in sin with out Little Miss Kiki in this very house.

Listing information and property records indicate the modest house measures 2,062 square feet with 3 bedroom and 2.5 bathroom. The house hides behind solidly impressive gates and up a curving driveway to a small motor court with a small front facing two car garage where Little Miss Kiki and her current male companion–whomever that may be–can enter and exit without being snapped by the paps. Listing information also reveals the property is protected by a state of the art security system so any of you idiots who think it might be cute to go ringing up on Little Miss Kiki’s bell should expect to be electrocuted, sprayed with mace, hosed down with boiling water and/or even worse.

For a small house, the the front entrance hall is large and is separated from the sunken formal living room by a pretty pair of capiz shell curtains painstakingly made by the lightening quick hands of a gal named Gwen who happens to be one of Your Mama’s good pals back in the En-Why-Cee. The living room appears to have heated terrazzo floors, a peaked and beamed ceiling painted an airy white, navy walls (which sounds awful but does not look nearly as horrid as we might imagine), and a paned sliding glass door that opens to a large multi-level entertainment deck sitting in the tree tops at the front of the property.

The dining room sports glossy white floors, an even more shiny dining room table surrounded six dining room chairs and two wing back chairs on the ends, and the rear wall has been fitted with custom cabintery which makes for perfect storage for things like linens, board games and bongs. We’re not saying Little Miss Kiki stores her bongs there, we’re just saying that if she did have bongs to store, this would be an excellent spot for them.

The glossy white floors continue into the all stainless steel and marble kitchen which already has our imperious house gurl Svetlana turning cartwheels with conniption and looks nice if you don’t have small children with filthy hands or canines with wet noses. A sky lit and all white breakfast area would feel a little bit surgical suite if it were not for the large teak table and chairs that provide a welcome relief to all the blinding stainless steel, glistening white floors and sleek white cabinetry.

In the family room, an entire wall has been custom fitted with gorgeous wood cabinetry that hides all the electronics and one of the Little Miss Kiki’s many wing back chairs sits in the corner by the paned slider that opens to the front deck.

The high-gloss and slippery looking white wood floor is continued into the master bedroom where Little Miss Kiki and her team of nice gay decorators have kept in clean with just an over-sized upholstered headboard, heavy ivory curtains with a navy blue palm tree patten and another of wing back chair from Little Miss Kiki’s collection. A secluded court yard area off the master bedroom has a patch of lawn for and an in ground spa for romantical evenings with whatever man-friend Little Miss Kiki currently fancies.

Property records and previous reports indicate that Miss Dunst will go far from homeless once someone snatched up her Nichols Canyon hideaway. In 2001 Miss Dunst purchased a 4,333 square foot house on Toluca Lake Avenue which we believe is occupied by her family. On the east coast, records show that in July of 2007 she forked over three million Spider Man dollars for an 8th floor co-operative crib in the same Canal Street building where rock star Michael Stipe forked over $5,750,000 for Casey Affleck’s 8th floor unit in January of 2007.