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Jason Statham Buys at the Beach

BUYER: Jason Statham
SELLER: Matt Palmieri
LOCATION: Malibu Colony, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $10,950,000
SIZE: 3,355 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms (as per listing)
DESCRIPTION: Tucked away behind Malibuy Colony’s legendary guarded gates in this impeccably maintained wood & glass architectural. High ceilings, walls of glass & extensive use of beautiful old growth Douglas Fir throughout. Main house has 3 beds, 4 baths, living room w/ over sized fireplace, oceanfront sitting area, dining area, family room, gourmet kitchen, large family room opens to a courtyard w/ spa tub. Separate 2 bdrm gst apartment w/ bath, 2 car garage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in late June of 2009 Your Mama discussed a 2 bedroom crash pad condo at the Broadway Hollywood building on N. Vine Street in Los Angeles owned by British born springboard diver turned Guy Ritchie’s go-to ack-tor man Jason Statham (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, and Revolver) which was–and still is–listed for sale with an asking price of $1,395,000 which is nearly $150,000 less than he paid for the place in June of 2008. Remember that puppies? Well, as it turns out that condo catastrophe is not the only blip on the celebrity real estate radar Mister Statham has lately made, not by a long shot.

According to the IMDB, the manly, muscled and in-demand action film actor rather wisely understands he’s unlikely to win an Oscar for making movies like Crank or The Bank Job. However, somehow Your Mama does not imagine that Mister Statham is feeling under appreciated by the film world given that he’s still pulling in piles of paper so prodigious that it would make many Academy Award winning actors weep with envy. In fact, Mister Statham is making so much damn money that he recently forked over $10,950,000 for an ocean front house behind the guarded gates of the super-exclusive Malibu Colony where his new neighbors include people like Tom Hanks and wifey Rita Wilson, Jim Carey and his autism activist ladee-mate Jenny McCarthy, Sting and his Tantric sex partner Trudie Styler and balloon breasted Pammy Anderson who sometimes rents out her house out to rich and famous people like Billy Bob Thornton’s ex-wife Pietra.

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Property records reveal Mister Statham bought his new house from an Academy Award nominated documentary filmmaker named Matt Palmieri who happens to be one of soon to be deevorced Sean Penn’s oldest friends and who also happens to be the son of a wildly successful big biznessman named Victor. We’re not saying ol‘ Victor funded Mister Palmieri’s 1998 purchase of the home, we’re just saying it’s nice to have a father who sweats hundred dollar bills, you know?

Anyhoo, listing information provided to Your Mama by Babbling Babette shows Mister Statham’s new wood and glass contemporary crib includes 3 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms in the main house and another 2 bedrooms and 1 pooper in the guest house atop the 2-car garage.

The main house includes a living room with white walls, a gently sloping ceiling, a wall of floor to ceiling fenestration with old-growth Douglas Fir framing that draws the eyeballs out toward the glittering Pacific Ocean, wall to wall sand colored carpeting and an over-sized fireplace for taking the edge of the nippy nights and foggy Malee-boo mornings. A built in banquet provides another seating area off the living room and opens to the brick patio overlooking the sand. The dining area sits between the living room and kitchen which has flat fronted, honey colored cabinetry, glossy black granite counter tops and the full compliment of Viking brand, stainless steel appliances one expects in an eleven million dollar beach house.

The master bedroom in the main house stretches the full width of the house, has more wall to wall sand colored carpeting (yuck!) and opens to a slim terrace through a wall of windows with more, heavy old-growth Douglas Fir frames. More old-growth Douglas Fir was used to construct the built in cabinetry in the deevoon dressing room and we’ll assume even more old-growth Douglas Fir was used in the master bathroom as well as in every other room in the house.

The garage and guest house are separated from the main house by a quiet, out of the wind courtyard where Mister Statham can privately soak his weary, nekkid muscles in a spa tub with gurlfriend Alex Zosman or whatever other buxom ladee friend he might be entertaining these days.

In addition to the up for sale condo in Hollywood and the new beach house in The Bu, records show that Mister Statham also owns a 2,281 square foot crib with 3 bedrooms and 3 poopers on Rising Glen Road that he picked up in June of 2005 for $2,400,000.

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