Is Madonna Buying a Mansion?

Oh dear Jeezis in heaven, help Your Mama to live through this celebrity real estate brouhaha because, dammit, here we go again.

That’s right children, apparently Madonna Ciccone Penn Ritchie’s long time three-unit spread in the Harperley Hall building on the Upper West Side isn’t quite big enough (or glam enough) for the recently deevorced superstar and her planetary ego because new reports are surfacing that she’s prowling around for a New York City townhouse. Again.

The Rush & Molloy column in the New York Daily Mail recently reported that the Kabbalah Kween has got her eye on a $38,000,000 townhouse on the Upper East Side that claims a private garage which is, obviously, a nice feature for getting into and out of one’s house without having to worry about a thousand paps trying to snap a picture of your pantiless cooch as you slide into or out of a waiting SUV.

We know of few townhouses that possess private garages and the only one we’re aware currently on the market is a 12,000 square foot 13 bedroom beast that’s listed at $42,000,000. That does not mean there’s not another townhouse with a garage that’s listed (or being privately offered) at $38,000,000, it just means that’s the only one Your Mama can think of this early in the a.m.

Some snitches snicker that Madge has to to shop for townhouses because few (if any) of the persnickety co-op boards of “better” uptown buildings would even consider allowing such a notoriously publicity hungry celebrity (and her attendant entourage of nannies, security and personal assistants) to live up in and run rough-shod around their high-maintenance buildings.

Over the last few years, this bee-hawtcha has looked at more townhouses than Your Mama can count on our fingers and toes combined, so we’ll believe man hunting Madge–whose newest beau is a boy-model young enough to be her son (you go on with your bad self Madonna)–is moving house when she moves house. Until then, it’s just rumor and speculation, two things Madonna claims to hate but Your Mama thinks she secretly craves and loves because it keeps her name and face in the headlines. The proof is in the pudding kids…here we are yakking about the ladee and she ain’t even bought a damn house yet.

Now then, Your Mama is going to go take a fat nerve pill and try to prepare ourselves for the real estate crazy that always ensues when Her Madgesty is involved.

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