Once it was confirmed that British ex-pats Dave and Vicki Beckham are indeed packing up their tea sets and moving to Milan, it was only a matter of time before the real estate crazy train that surrounds their every move got underway.

The most recent real estate rumors swirling around the internets are that teeny tiny Tom Crooz and his mousy wifey Katie want to buy Sexy and The Spice Gurl’s Beverly Hills mansion. The reports seem to stem from a story in Star Magazine which we can’t locate online and which reported that the Crooz couple want to buy the Beckham’s 6 bedroom and 9 bathroom house and use it as a damn guest house. The article quoted someone as saying, “They would use the place for visitors, but they don’t want to spend much more than $15 million.”

Queen, pleeze! That’s just preposterous. Your Mama is seriously skeptical of all these unsubstantiated canards and we suggest the children also look at them stories through squinted eyes and furrowed brows because above and beyond it’s sheer unbelievability factor, there are some glaring errors that toss a dark cloud of suspicion over then entire story.

Firstly, A little look-see into the property records clearly reveals that Sexy and the Spice Gurl paid $18,200,000 for their 6 bedroom and 9 bathroom mansion and not the reported amount of $22,000,000. There’s really no excuse for that error unless the rumor was printed without even the appearance of fact checking.

Secondly, when the British Beckhams bought their single story sprawler in the Spring of 2007, the pound was way up and the dollar was way down, which means they’d be fools not to grab a deal at fifteen million clams because, with the exchange rate at the time, they really only paid like 10 or 12 million max for the place so 15 million would put a couple million in their pocket.

Thirdly, A quick perusal of an easily accessible internet map shows that Tom Crooz and his posse of handlers, minders, family members and Thetans do not live “around the corner” from Sexy and the Spice Gurl. The Beckham’s 13,149 square foot house sits up a long driveway off San Ysidro Drive, which is west of Coldwater Canyon Drive and the Crooz clan’s crib sits up a long driveway off Calle Vista Drive which is east of Coldwater Canyon. It might only take 5 minutes to drive their Bentleys back and forth to each other’s houses for Saturday night Scrabble tournaments, but they are most definitely not “around the corner” from each other.

It makes sense that Sexy and the Spice Gurl want to sell their house and maybe those crazy Crooz’s do want to buy a fancy guest house near their own ritzy residence. However, we’d bet our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly that the Crooz’s are not buying the Beckham’s Beverly Hills house.