Your Mama has a little mish-mashing to do this morning.

The first item we would like to discuss is the comely casa on N. Catalina Street in Los Angeles’ Los Feliz neighborhood that everyone besides Your Mama has been reporting is owned and being offered for sale at $3,697,000 by the exceedingly well paid prostie luvvin sitcom star Charlie Sheen (Two and a Half Men) and his third legal ladee-mate Brooke Mueller.
According to the listing agents in a recent report in the increasingly anemic Hot Property column in the L.A. Times, after forking over $2,575,000 for the 4,179 square foot crib in November of 2007 and spending a year and boo-coo bucks rehabbing the residence, Mister Sheen and Missus Third Sheen have decided to sell the property (pictured above) because they desire bigger digs in which to raise their expanding family.

Now listen chickens, Your Mama does not know nuthin‘ from a dung beetle but according to three–that’s right, three–of our better connected informants this is not entirely accurate because while Mister Sheen and Missus Third Sheen do own the property in question, they do not nor have they ever officially occupied the house in Los Feliz.

Each of the sources we questioned whispered in Your Mama’s big ear that Mister Sheen and Missus Third Sheen live in a 7,924 square foot manse in the guard gated Mulholland Estates community in the hills above Sherman Oaks. Records show that Mister Sheen paid $7,200,000 for the 5 bedroom and 7 pooper property in April of 2006 during the bloody deevorce from his second ex-wife Denise Richards.

For what it’s worth, Mulholland Estates is the same gated community that perplexedly successful Paris Hilton lives as well as tee-vee ack-tress Judith Light, British pop star Robby Williams (who has reportedly decamped back to the U.K.), boob-toob bench sitter Judge Greg Mathis, cheese ball crooner Tom Jones, letter turner Vanna White and a few others we won’t bother to bother with today.

Not that many if any of the children have anything that even resembles sympathy for them, but it’s not been a good couple of weeks for Bernie and Ruth Madoff. Yesterday, to a cacophony of cheers and tears, the justifiably vilified Ponzi putz was sentenced to a stunning 150 years in the pokey for his grisly financial shenanigans that left thousands destitute. Last week, his bird-like wife Ruth was ordered to vacate the couple’s posh apartment on Manhattan’s Upper East Side of which the NY Daily News somehow has interior photos*. Of note, according to the article, are the $35,000 carpet and the $20,000 tea table.

*Reader beware: The fine folks at CityFile have heard the photos were included in a coffee table book about Manhattan interior dee-zine style and are 20 years old. So really kids, who knows if this is the expensive frippery Miz Madoff is currently living with and soon to be giving up.

In addition to their nifty New York apartment–located in the same building where the Today Show’s Matt Lauer paid $5,882,353 for a sixth floor crib in 2004 and expected to be sold for somewhere around seven or eight million clams–the gubbamint also seized the couple’s water front property in Palm Beach, a beach house in Montauk, NY and a modest but expensive condo in the super swish South of France. All properties are expected to be liquidated and sold off with any proceeds going to the many victims of Madoff’s Machiavellian scheme.

According to the floor plan that made its way around the interweb (and which we are not at all convinced is the actual plan of the Madoff penthouse), the East 64th Street apartment includes a private elevator landing that opens to a small foyer. At the front of the apartment is a living room with a fireplace, a corner library and dining room. A large butler’s pantry separates the dining room from the small kitchen which in turn leads to 3 sinfully small staff rooms that all share just one terlit. The master bedroom includes a large dressing room and small bathroom. Each of the other three bedrooms also features a private pooper.

A new and salacious report in the always entertaining NY Post reveals that poor Ruthie, once a pampered woman who is now reduced to riding the subway like a common person, is having a wee of trouble finding new rented digs. Maybe one of her sons will make room for her in one of their pricey properties in New York or Greenwich, CT.

Since everyone else is talking about the recently deceased King of Pop Michael Jackson, we figured we might as well too. Thanks to the ever intrepid Legal Eagle, Your Mama was directed to an article in the Daily News which recently reported that Mister Jackson had been planning to relocate to a England this week where he was scheduled to reside in a Chislehurst, Kent estate called Foxbury Manor during his much anticipated 50-show run at London’s O2 Arena.

Foxbury Manor was built in 1875, stands three stories tall and measures either 22,000 or 26,000 square feet depending on which report one reads. Although the house originally had as many as 32 bedrooms, the current owners reduced the count in a recent renovation to just 11 behemoth bedroom suites including an 1,800 square foot master suite. The recently rehabbed estate is reported to have password-controlled entrances and state of the art security systems–natch–and, while hardly the circus that Neverland Ranch was, recreational facilities are reported to include a private lake, a music room, an underground cinema and an indoor swimming pool.

The rumored to have been impoverished Mister Jackson reportedly paid a whopping £1,000,000 to lease the Grade II listed mansion until February of 2010. But alas…

Of course, anyone with a damn television knows that Mister Jackson and his three children–who may or may not be his biological children according to scandalous report–were last living in a leased mansion on N. Carolwood Drive in the Holmby Hills area of Los Angeles for which he was reportedly paying $100,000 per month.

The fate of Mister Jackson’s once beloved Neverland Ranch remains up in the air, but the family is reportedly planning a public viewing of Mister Jackson’s dead body this Friday at the ranch even though he was adamant that he would never live on the property again because it had been tainted by the allegations of child molestation. Lard have mercy chickens. Your Mama can’t think of anything creepier and less dignified than the spectacle that will surely come down during a public viewing of Michael Jackson’s dead body at Neverland Ranch. All those Screaming Mimis coming from miles around clamoring to get a damn photo of his dead body? Come on. This don’t have nuthin’ to do with the real estate and certainly this ain’t none of Your Mama’s bizness, but does that wackadoodle Jackson family really think this is a good idea? Pleeze.

In other Michael Jackson related real estate rumor and gossip…

Your Mama hears from a someone we’ll call Wanda Wannachat that Mister Jackson’s (former) manager a–mysterious man named Dr. Tohme R. Tohme who is neither a doctor of any kind or an “Abassador at Large” to the country Senegal as his website proclaims–is in contract to buy a $5,800,000 mansion in Bel Air. However, now that faux doctor’s golden goose is no more all the real estate peeps involved are on pins and needles wondering if the deal is going to stick together. Just rumor and gossip children, rumor and gossip.