SELLER: Michael Balzary, aka Flea
LOCATION: Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA
PRICE: $13,676,000
SIZE: 2,731 square feet (as per assessor), 4 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Out of this world celebrity retreat on an unbelievable 2 flat acres sited on the Encinal Bluffs. Staircase & private road beach access. Expansive rolling lawns, exceptionally unique architectural w/ soaring ceilings, open floor plan & walls of glass, gallery walls, tree trunk floors positioned as an indoor/outdoor natural setting. 2 large separate guest homes, long drive, 2 garages, private spa terrace. Unimaginable ocean & beach views from every angle.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Back in in the spring of 2006, Red Hot Chili Peppers bass player Michael Balzary, aka Flea, put his Malee-boo manse on the market with an asking price of $5,000,000. In March of 2007, when Your Mama discussed the Sycamore Meadows Drive domicile, the asking price had been sliced to $4,800,000 and several subsequent slashes brought the asking price down to $2,800,000. Then, we regret to inform, disaster struck. Although records indicate the property remains in Mister Flea’s real estate portfolio, multiple reports state the house burned to the ground in the fires that raged through the mountains above Malee-boo in the fall of 2007 and, indeed, the property did (and does) appear on the official list of homes consumed by the colossal conflagration.

In January of 2007, just a few months before he listed his Sycamore Meadows Drive residence, property records and previous reports reveal that Mister Flea (and his supermodel baby momma Frankie Rayder) forked over $9,980,000 for a 2.01 acre ocean front estate on the Encinal Bluffs, which is up in the northern reaches of Malibu near where Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s contemporary crib clings to the cliff. Now, just over two years later and after a giving the Pacific Coast Highway property a full and finely tuned face lift, Mister Flea has listed his low-key cliff top compound with an asking price of $13,676,000.

According to listing information, the property includes a main house and two separate guest houses, one of which appears to be currently used by Mister Flea for making music. Listing information shows there are 4 bedrooms and 4 bathrooms but to be honest children, we’re not sure if those four bedrooms and bathrooms are all located in the main house or if they’re spread throughout the property.

The front door of the main house opens to a narrow, wood beamed and sky lit hallway with gallery white walls and a deelishus wood floor made of end-up tree trunks that create a loose grid of light and dark that sort of resembles a varnished giraffe skin. The main living space, down a handful of steps down from the entrance hall, is comprised of an open plan living room, dining room and kitchen. There is a high sloped ceiling, a fireplace in the living room area, several large sections of windows that open to a narrow waterside terrace and more of that tree trunk wood floor. Now children that wood floor could easily be a decorating deezaster in the wrong hands and we fully realize some of y’all will think it’s heinous, but Your Mama thinks the pattern makes a nice counter point to all white walls and white furniture.

The somewhat small but fully functional kitchen includes a long row of windows over the sink that look out towards the ocean, a nice feature when scrubbing pots and pans. There is a noticeable absence of over-head cabinetry which we imagine some of the children will gripe about also. However, Your Mama and the Dr. Cooter’s new kitchen has no overhead cabinetry, just a simple shelf for daily dishes and glassware, and we love it. Fortunately there is a large pantry and heaps of under counter storage for all the food stuffs and kitchen ware that normally goes in overhead cabinets.

Anyhoo, in addition to the master suite with more of that deevoon tree trunk flooring, high wood beamed ceiling, sky lit bathroom and view of the ocean, the main house includes three other family bedrooms, one of which appears to be a loft space that overlooks the living room area. This is all well and good for taking a nap, but not so good for over night guests. Then again, over night guests are likely put up in one of the two separate guest houses that dot the property. At the front of the compound, closest to the Pacific Coast Highway is the larger guest unit which as far as we can tell includes 2 bedrooms, a fireplace and (we assume) at least one terlit. The other guest unit is of undetermined size but we’re certain includes sleeping quarters at the least and (presumably) a private pooper.

The property slopes gently from the gated entrance on the Pacific Coast Highway down towards the bluff. A large lawn area perfect for rousing games of Bocce, Croquet or horseshoes sits between the guest house and the main house and a wide lawn stretches from the rear of the main house to steep and perilous bluff. Off to one side is a circular deck with a built in spa and seating area which looks like the perfect spot to re-create a cocaine and blush wine fueled orgy from the 1970s. We’re not saying Flea does that, we’re just saying that if he wanted to, this would be a magnificent spot to do so. The grounds include several other outdoor patios and seating areas including a sunken and tree shaded outdoor living room and another with a built in bbq center.

Listing information indicates that in addition the the long private stair case that leads to the beach, there is also access by private road, which is a good damn thing because Your Mama would much prefer to have our totalitarian house gurl Svetlana pop down in a golf cart to pick up our sunburned butt than to huff and puff our way back up and risk a heart attack or fit of the asthma.

No word on why Mister Flea would want to sell this pretty piece of ocean front property. Quite frankly, if you like solitude and living along the rugged and dramatic California coastline, this seems like a keeper to Your Mama. Lord knows we’d live here in a heartbeat iffin we had 13 and some million smacker for a beach house, which of course we do not.