SELLER: David Niven Jr.
LOCATION: Blue Jay Way, Los Angeles, CA
PRICE: $5,750,000
SIZE: 4,808 square feet, 6 bedrooms, 7 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Extraordinary architectural villa in estate section of the Sunset Strip. Fabulous family room / kitchen ideal for the gourmet chef. Dramatic living room opens to pool & rose garden w/ tree top views & amazing outdoor entertainment pool area. Features include: sky lights, high ceilings, crown molding, hardwood, terrazzo & tile flooring. Library, spacious master suite w/ dble bath & closets plus 5 bedrooms each w/ bath. Pure style sophistication & privacy.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Sometime over the long Memorial Day weekend, as we sat on the sofa hooked up to an IV drip dropping a steady stream of gin and tonic directly into Your Mama’s veins while watching the opening rounds of the French Open, we received a covert communique from Our Fairy Godmother in the Sunset Strip who informed us that David Niven Jr. listed his house on Blue Jay Way with an impressively optimistic asking price of $5,750,000.

Mister Niven Junior’s famous father is, as any moeron could figure out, the Oscar winning, pencil ‘stached Tinseltown legend David Niven. Junior, who was born in England and whose name appears in the Peerage thanks to his mother’s semi-royal bloodline, went on to produce a few films (The Girl with the Hungry Eyes, Psycho Cop Returns, Blue Flame), work as an entertainment executive and promote philanthropic causes such as Recording Artists, Actors & Athletes Against Drunk Driving.

Property records show that Mister Niven Jr. purchased his Bird Street nest in November of 1983 for $1,200,000, which was a lot of damn money for a house back in 1983. Records filed with the County of Los Angeles show the “L” shaped “villa” measures in at 4,808 square feet and listing information indicates there are 6 bedrooms and 7 bathrooms including a master suite with dual baths and dressing closets.

Located just above the Sunset Strip and all those celeb friendly outdoor eateries along Sunset Boo-lay-vard in the Sunset Plaza, the in need of an update residence will appeal to all those Ed Hardy wearing Hollywood “producer” sorts who spend a lot of time in tight black jeans and hanging out at the Sky Bar hoping to snag a too tan wannabe starlet with 5-inch Lucite heels, fake cheechees, and naive dreams of seeing her face on the silver screen.

The children are going to skewer Your Mama for saying this but, here it goes anyway…Although the rose colored wallpaper is heinous, the parquet floors are tired, the built-in shelves bizarrely off-center, and the fireplace mantel far too diminutive for a room of this scale, there is–if you’ll look closely–a kind of decorative sophistication to the large living room where all that rose colored, traditionally shaped and upholstered furniture is played against the Lucite and glass coffee tables. We know we’re being uncharacteristically charitable, but once upon a time, before all the Los Angeles property flippers started trying to make every house look like a freaking Armani furniture showroom, this kind of mix and match day-core was considered to be quite chic. Or maybe all that gin has finally turned Your Mama’s mind into baby food.

Anyhoo, the wood floored library has been painted a visually uncomfortable and not particularly dignified shade of royal blue and has large floor to ceiling windows, built in bookcases topped with a large, carved shell detail and an obscene beige colored leather sofa that, fortunately, will be removed once the property is sold. In the dining room, china cabinets with the same sea-shell detail as seen in the library flank sliding doors to the rear terrace. Sliding doors? For reals? Sliding doors? Like this is some sort of tract house in Bakersfield? Pleeze.

Anyhoo, the open plan kitchen, breakfast and family rooms have been done over and include white, glass fronted cabinets that rather disconcertingly do not reach the ceiling, sand colored granite counter tops, a beige tile floor, a mac-daddy Viking range that costs as much as a damn Kia and a large work island under a gigantic pyramid shaped skylight which we can only hope has some sort of UV deflecting coating lest Chef be fried up like a bug under a magnifying glass.

The house wraps around a courtyard where a long rectangular pool is surrounded by wide entertainment terraces perfect for cocktail parties, nood sunbathing and the riding of Big Wheels by any resident tots.

According to bits and pieces we read on the interweb, Mister Niven Jr. lives primarily in the UK. And to be honest puppies, given that bit of information, this Bird Street residence could very easily be occupied by someone other than Mister Niven Jr., someone like, say, Barbara Niven, otherwise known as ex-Mrs. Niven Jr. But we don’t know because, truthfully children, Your Mama don’t know nuthin‘ from nuthin.