The Jonas Brothers Head to the Lonestar State

BUYERS: The Jonas Brothers
LOCATION: Wisteria Way, Westlake, TX
PRICE: $2,895,000 (asking)
SIZE: 7,360 square feet 6 bedrooms, 6.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Must see to appreciate this absolutely gorgeous house located in Westlake, TX in a nice and safe neighborhood. Single family, six bedrooms, six baths. Spacious rooms with plenty of storage and closet space.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama has a musical confession to make and we hope none of you tweenage gurls and bubble gum pop music fans will hold it against us. As far as Your Mama knows, we have never even heard a song sung by the Jonas Brothers and without a little research on the internets, Your Mama would not have been able to pick the curly haired boys out from any crowd of high school age boys. Your Mama would have remained blissfully ignorant of the brothers Jonas but for the heaps of rumors, reports and dozens of emails cluttering up our inbox this morning that all claim the teenage singing sensations have gone and bought themselves a big house in a fancy gated community on the outskirts of Dallas, Texas.

If the rumors are true, the squeaky clean trio will soon be moving their gee-tars and purity rings from their current crib in Los Angeles to a 7,360 square foot manse located on Wisteria Way in the upscale Vaquero Club in Westlake, Texas. Online information for the Vaquero Club indicates that the gates are guarded 24 hours a day and the entire community is surrounded by a six to eight foot high stacked stone perimeter wall. Not that Your Mama would encourage any such nonsense or stoopidity, but we sincerely doubts that a little ol‘ six or eight foot wall will deter intrepid, clever and obsessed 12 year old gurls. Pleeze. The raging hormones of these crazed pre-teen gives them the supernatural power to leap over tall barriers if there is even a whisper of an opportunity to glimpse the baby faced visages of their (allegedly) virgin idols.

Anyhoo, here’s what’s being reported far and wide: The three boys (Kevin, Joe and Nick) granted their mother Denise Jonas power of attorney to sign purchase documents for a 6 bedroom stone built house that has either 6 or 6.5 bathrooms, depending on which online listing you look at. Property records don’t yet indicate a sale price, but the asking price for the big house was $2,895,000.

The Jonas Brothers’ new nest looks over the 6th and 7th fairways of the Tom Fazio designed Vaquero Golf Course and includes all manner of Old World day-core, acres of paneling and woodwork, a game room, a colossal kitchen that opens to a family room and, natch, a home thee-ayter where the oft hounded gossip glossy phenoms can watch movies without being disturbed by all the young gurls (and boys) who hurl, shriek and faint with excitement when they see the Jonas Brothers in public places.

Out back, a large loggia overlooks an even larger swimming pool and spa, and a trellis covered pavilion includes an outdoor fireplace where the boys can harmonize, pluck their gee-tars and write some more songs that will earn them even more millions of dollars. How much do the children want to bet that there will soon be a lot of 12 year old gurls going golfing at Vaquero with their daddies in the hopes of catching one or more of the brothers Jonas lying poolside in a bathing suit?

The Vaquero Club is reportedly already home to several famous residents including professional golfers Brian Watts and Todd Hamilton as well as former footballer Henry Ford and baseball’s Dave Berg…all people, incidentally that Your Mama has never heard of. However, the fantastical fame of the Jonas Brothers eclipses all the other famous folks in Vaquero and Your Mama imagines that all the tweenage gurls who currently live in exclusive community will soon be some of the most popular gurls at school. All the other gurls will soon be begging through tears of desperation to be invited to a weekend sleep over during which they’ll roam the streets of Vaquero like wild dogs in search of raw meat.

Listen children, Your Mama finds it a tad bit strange that the older Jonas brothers–two of whom are over 18 years old–would want to remain living in the family house. However, if that’s their choice, so be it. However, Your Mama does have to wonder how the family will decide who gets the master suite…or will the boys line up twin beds and all bunk together in the big bedroom?

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