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Stephen Dorff Unloading in Chelsea

SELLER: Stephen Dorff
LOCATION: West 19th Street, New York, NY
PRICE: $3,000,000 (maintenance and monthlies / $1,551)
SIZE: 1,200 square feet (approx.), 1 bedroom, 2 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: …Move right into this triple mint Chelsea duplex Penthouse with 800 square foot roof terrace. No detail was overlooked in this meticulous renovation…Upon entering the apartment, you are greeted with over sized windows, 14 foot ceilings, and abundant south light and city views…The master suite features abundant closets outfitted with systems, full bath with spa shower, and electronic shades. The pass thru kitchen features custom cabinetry with breakfast bar and stainless steel appliances including a Miele washer/dryer…

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Late last night Your Mama was perusing all the candylicious listings in New York City and a sexxxy dooplex penthouse in our old Manhattan ‘hood caught our bleary and blood shot eyeballs. So, as we are often inclined to do, we peeped into the property records and discovered that the apartment is owned by one other than hard-bodied American ack-tor Stephen Dorff who recently listed his West 19th Street bachelor pad for $3,000,000.

We have to confess that we can’t actually name a single movie in which thirty something year old Mister Dorff has strutted his stuff. However, we do recall three bits and pieces about him from our many years of pouring over all the gossip glossies. The first is that Mister Dorff once flashed the entire world his condom clad peen when he appeared totally and completely and stunningly nekkid in some movie we never saw. (There are pictures out there on the interweb if you can to locate them.) The second is that he’s well known for working his way through a fair number of big name Hollywood hotties including but not limited to model Milla Jovovich, behemoth boobed Pammy Anderson, and that poor Jennifer Love Hewitt gurl. The third tidbit we can pull up from the dark recesses of our gin soaked mind is that back in the early 1990s Mister Dorff allegedly had some sort of romantic entanglement with REM front man Michael Stipe. Oh the scandal! But listen, it’s just an unconfirmed rumor so none of you kids should go repeating it like it’s gospel.

Anyhoo, property records (and a New York Times report from the time) reveal that Mister Dorff picked up his approximately 1,200 square foot Chelsea dooplex in June of 2006 for $1,650,000. Listing information indicates the 1 bedroom and 2 bathroom apartment has had a “meticulous” renovation, which it clearly has. What we don’t know is if Mister Dorff is responsible for the overhaul or if it was perhaps another Austin Powers wannabe.

Whatever the case, the day-core has a distinct and naughty voice that whispers, “Take your dress off and lay down on my fur covered couch.” Right?

The open plan living space has ebonized wood floors and includes a living room with a double height ceiling , an entire wall of gorgeous shiny wood paneling and a few natural elements like a wood stump and driftwood-ish looking coffee table that keep it from looking too chilly. A dining area is adjacent to the decent sized (for a Manhattan apartment) kitchen and includes a pass through breakfast bar, dark wood cabinetry, and a suite of stainless steel appliances, natch. There appear to be a few appliances that we can’t identify like that stainless panel to the left of the sink. Is that a trash compacter? Anyone? The expensive Miele brand washer and dryer are, unfortunately, located in the kitchen.

The bedroom has been carpeted, which we hate but can imagine the neighbors below appreciate when Mister Dorff is, uhm, entertaining. We can get behind the steel grey walls but we’ve got a serious issue with the all-wrong color of that doovay. The master bathroom certainly looks intriguing at first glance, but a closer look reveals a stainless steel terlit which is too prison like for our taste and we’re positive the cleaning gurl curses Mister Dorff each time she has to remove all the water spots from that glistening black tile that covers the floor and walls.

Some of the high tech amenities include a Sony AV RMT surround sound system in the living room and bedroom and electronic solar shades for all those too lazy to pull their own curtains closed.

Up the spiral staircase (which scare the bejeezis out of our long bodied bitches Linda and Beverly) an 800 square foot terrace is what makes this penthouse better than the average over-sexified New York apartment. We might prefer a bit more shade where we could sip gin and tonics and flip through the tabs out of the scorch of the sunshine, but otherwise we are in l.o.v.e with this roof terrace. What’s not to like about all that deevoon decking, the wet bar with a fridge for keeping the cocktail ingredients cool, a storage closet for stashing the chaise lounges in the winter time and we’re just mad for the outdoor shower. How many people get to shower under the night sky in New York? Not many.

Iffin any interested parties are not ready to commit the finances for a three million dollar one bedroom apartment, we understand that Mister Dorff would also be willing to lease the place for $15,000 a month.

Mister Dorff may be the most famous resident of this West 19th Street building, but he’s not the only well known resident. Property records show that in April of 2008 prolific and egotastic designer Karim Rashid plunked down $2,475,000 to purchase a 1,771 square foot unit a few floors down from Mister Dorff’s dooplex.

On the west coast, property records show that Mister Dorff owns a 2,298 square foot ocean front house in Malee-boo that he scooped up for $2,546,000 back in December of 2001 and it would appear that he also owns a 4,894 square foot house in a horsey north western suburb of Los Angles called Bell Canyon.

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