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Mariah Carey Has Island Fever

BUYER: Mariah Carey
LOCATION: Island Road, Windermere Island, Bahamas
PRICE: $4,900,000 (last list)
SIZE: 4,000 square feet (approx.), 4 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Whistle register songstress Mariah Carey has become filthy rich writing and singing dumb ass pop songs in which she effortlessly rides the ear splitting and hackles raising roller coaster of her 4 octave vocal range. Don’t get Your Mama wrong kids, it’s not that we can not recognize the rare and obvious vocal talents of Miss Mariah. It is that Your Mama just does not care for that particular genre of saccharine pop music where two syllable words are gleefully stretched into 47 notes, including ones piercing enough to shatter glass and induce a damn migraine.

Anyhoo, in addition to her questionable acting talents, her many hit songs and immensely popular vocal stylings, Miss Mariah is also well known by all the gossip glossies as a ladee who likes to strap her mammoth mammaries into a teeny bikini and beeline for the beach. She’s often been photographed in next to nothing in St. Barts, and last summer she was rumored to have coughed up somewhere in the neighborhood of $350,000 to rent Tommy Hilfiger’s ocean front hideaway in East Hampton for just one month. Lately, however, the butterfly obsessed songbird has been spending a considerable amount of time in the Bahamas and the rumor is she’s done bought herself a purdy pink palace on Windermere Island.

Well children, here’s what Your Mama hears through the gossip grapevine. According to Chatty Charlie–who we suspect has a bit of a “thing” for Miss Mariah–and someone we’ll call the Bahamian Bigmouth, the Long Island born babe did by a dee-luxe getaway on Windermere Island, a slim sliver of sand adjacent to Eleuthera. Windermere Island, connected to Eleuthera by a single, guard gated bridge, has long been a favorite vacation destination for rich people who desire and require exclusivity and privacy. Which of course is purr-fect for the wickedly famous Miss Carey who does not need any looky-loo fools strolling around behind her house with crappy digital cameras while she’s baking her very voluptuous all together in the sunshine. You know what we’re saying?

Windermere Island has long been known as a place where British royals go to put their pasty white bodies in bathing suits and cook their skin until they look like a damn lobster. It was widely reported that Windermere Island is where Prince Charles and Princess Diana honeymooned long before the shit hit the fan in their tawdry, complicated and public lives. However, fun and fascinating as it may be to consider the vomitalicious vision of Prince Charles collecting shells along the beach in a thong bathing suit, we are not here to yak about British royals, but rather to discuss the rumored real estate doings of one of America’s pop music queens.

Your Mama has yet to figure out how to access public records in the Bahamas, so this particular discussion on Miss Mariah turns on the gossip and rumor provided by our sources and is not confirmed by property records. You got that kids? Just gossip and rumor here. We can not prove this house was purchased by Miss Mariah Carey, but our sources, one of whom plays the real estate game in the area, claim the property pictured above is the place where Miss Carey now bunks in the Bahamas.

According to listing information, the nearly 3-acre gated compound features four detached buildings painted a very light blush pink to match the color of the slightly pink sand on the beach out back. Is anyone surprised that Miss Mariah would buy a pink pile that overlooks a beach with pink sand? The four structures are connected by 3,500 square feet (approx.) of marble walkways and terraces and include an open air great room with living and dining areas overlooking the jewel toned water and two fireplaces that will take the edge off a sea breezy evening. Behind the open air great room is the “kitchen house” with it’s fully updated and upgraded package of appliances where Miss Mariah’s private chef can whip up whatever sort of fancy feast it is that she and her entourage like to eat. Also located in the kitchen house are a large storage area, laundry facilities, and a bedroom and marble bathroom.

Flanking the kitchen house are two cottages each with a large living room and attached bedroom and dee-luxe bathroom. Below the south cottage is a two care garage and below the north cottage is a separate apartment with kitchen, living area, bedroom and bathroom. Facing the Savannah Bay is a forty foot long infinity edged pool and a beach cabana offers shade for the sun weary.

Listing information reveals that the compound is entirely protected by computer operated camera security surveillance system. So a word or advice to any of you wing nuts with a passport, expect several angry police people to toss your stoopid ass in jail if you go any where near Mariah’s mansion.

Island rumor is that Mariah is having some work done on the compound which likely includes some customizing of the buildings, possibly installing a recording studio, and Your Mama imagines she’s got her team of nice gay decorators up in there painting the interiors pinks and stuffing it full of frilly pink furniture, because everyone knows that Miss Mariah luvs her some pink.

Although we have no way of sorting out how much Miss Mariah paid for the Bahamian compound, we understand from an island source that the property was last listed for sale at $4,900,000 and had previously been available for lease at $24,000 per week during the high season (staff gratuities additional, natch).

Now that Miss Mariah is rumored to have her own island getaway in the Bahamas, does this mean that St. Barts and East Hampton will no longer be graced by the presence of Madam Butterfly, her cute dog Jackson P. Muttley, and her big ass entourage?

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