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Lenny Dykstra Is Flipping Out Too

SELLER: Lenny Dykstra
LOCATION: Newbern Court, Westlake Village, CA
PRICE: $24,900,000
SIZE: 7+ acres, 12,360 square feet, 8 bedrooms 7.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: This timeless estate, designed by architect Richard Landry, sits atop a secluded promontory w/ panoramic views of Lake Sherwood community & the Country Club facilities. This 7+/- acre gated compound, creates the perfect blend of old world grandeur w/ today’s modern amenities which include Formal Grand Salon, Billiards room, Screening Room, Outdoor Verandas, Fitness Facility, Championship Tennis Court, 2 separate guest apartments, all set against the backdrop of manicured gardens & lawns.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Yes children, we are a little late to the rodeo on this one since Mister Big Time already got to this real estate bizness some days ago, but there’s another celebrity (or quasi-celebrity, depending on who you ask) flipping out and hoping to pad his man-purse with big dollar returns and Your Mama could not pass up discussing the situation. See puppies, this gigantic neo-Georgian brick behemoth located behind the gates of the Sherwood Country Club near Thousand Oaks, CA is being flipped by the unfortunately named ball player Lenny Dykstra.

Our early morning research and late night consultation with ball crazy bee-hawtcha Fiona Trambeau informs Your Mama that Mister Dykstra is indeed a very famous and former professional baseball player who was widely known for his wild lifestyle and has been implicated and gotten all tangled up in this ugliness about steroid use among baseball players. But we also learned that now retired Little Lenny Dykstra, who went by the nickname “Nails,” is a very successful (if unlikely) day trader, rides around in a Maybach, flies around in a private jet and runs several upscale car washes around southern California.

Mister Dysktra purchased this palatial pile only in August of 2007 when he paid ice hockey hot shot Wayne Gretzky a reported $18,500,000 for the 6.69 acre spread. By the way, that’s the number Your Mama’s sources provide us with too…eighteen point five million. Anyhoo, shortly after stuffing the 12,360 square foot mansion full of sports memorabilia, flat screen televisions and glitzy and expensive furniture–some of which–for example the dining room chairs–look left over from Mister Gretzky–Nails changed his rich and fickle real estate mind.

Like Miz Mariska Hargitay, who is attempting to flip her Manhattan penthouse for a plenitudinous profit, so is Mister Dysktra, only out in the suburban wilds of Los Angeles. Mister Dykstra’s commodious compound in Westlake Village/Thousand Oaks was recently re-listed with an eye popping asking price of $24,900,000. Now children, we don’t know what, if any, “improvements” Mister Dykstra make to the stately estate or what sorts of justifications and rationalizations were used to arrive at a stunning $6,400,000 increase in value in just nine short months, but Your Mama fell out with flummox and flabbergast when we read about the financial audacity and real estate cojones of Mister Dykstra and his crack team of real estate agents.

Given that the 13,173 square foot mega-manse next door (7 bedrooms and 11 bathrooms on 6.36 acres) is also for sale at $12,995,000, Your Mama thinks that Mister Dykstra’s asking price might be, uhm, optimistic, particularly when you consider that Great One Gretzky needed to dramatically lower the price of this very same mansion from it’s original asking price of $25,000,000 to it’s last asking price of $18,500,000 before it was snapped up by Mister Dykstra and family. And that was back when the real estate market was sizzling hot, whereas now, well, not so hot.

The hill topping compound, which includes four separate buildings (main house, Mister Dykstra’s office, a fitness center and guest quarters), was designed by Richard Landry, the man responsible for many of the grandiose and over-sized piles in rich and famous filled Beverly Park as well and kooky Kenny G’s exuberantly decorated Malee-boo mansion. As the children might expect, Mister Dysktra’s 8 bedroom and 7.5 bathroom property includes just about every deeluxe amenity a ridiculously rich bizness executive with a family might dee-sire. There’s a country club style driveway and porte cochere, garaging for many luxury cars, a sizable swimming pool, two spas (one accessible only through Mister Dykstra’s office), a not optimally oriented east-west tennis court, a detached building that’s been converted into a fitness center, a screening room, a large double height living room with a built in bar (because it’s best to booze up the guests before dinner). Listing information also indicates there is a billiards room, wide verandas perfect for sipping afternoon gin and tonics, reading the tabs and contemplating one’s financial successes, several acres of manicured gardens and meticulously mowed lawn, and long views over Lake Sherwood and the golf course. About the only things missing here are modesty, architectural restraint and a place to land a damn helicopter.

There are, of course, a number of quirky features features such a flat screen television mounted the wall of the second floor veranda off the master bedroom so that the Mister and Madam of the house can watch porn and re-runs of Reba al fresco, should they so choose.

This type of residential extravagance may not be Your Mama’s cup of architectural or decorative tea, however there are none-the-less two features we’re swooning over. The first is, of course, the extreme molding situation. Seldom does one see a newly built house fitted with these sorts of intricate and heavy duty moldings. We can do without the cherubim shoved up into the ceiling corners passing judgment on the room, and we can only hope all that molding is plaster work as opposed to some sort of crazy plastic crap, but children, even the minimalists and modernists among us should be able to appreciate the crazy attention to detail in the moldings. The other item that makes us pee in our pants a little is that amazing shine on the wood floors. Those floors are glossed up like a damn mirror and they’re exquisite. We’re quite sure they’re not easy or inexpensive to maintain (one errant and spiked Jimmy Choo could quite easily create a floor disaster), but gawd dammit, they’re outrageous.

Maybe and probably they know a thing or two about high end suburban real estate that Your Mama does not, but we’re going to cross and fingers and toes and wish Mister Dykstra and his real estate agents the best of luck getting this big and bold house sold, we think they’re going to need it.

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