Kelly Clarkson Goes Country

BUYER: Kelly Clarkson
LOCATION: Westview Avenue, Nashville, TN
PRICE: $1,490,000 (sale)
SIZE: 5,470 square feet, 5 bedrooms, 5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: One of a kind stone home updated w/ fabulous additions. 5 br / 5 full ba. Open kitchen to den w/ large breakfast room at heart of the home. You will love the screened porch w/ stone fp + stone terraces. Great level treed lot. 9′ ceilings. 3 car garage.

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: Your Mama is reaching back into our archives on this one children and we do not want to hear any sassin‘ or fussin‘ from any of you mouthy children about how this is old news. Too bad. If you already know all about it then go read a damn newspaper and get educated about an issue or two that really matters or if that’s too heady and depressing for y’all go see the gorgeous gurls at Go Fug Yourself and read all about our favorite fashionista Mary Kate Olsen’s daring and creative clothing choices. For those of you that are interested, let’s talk about former American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson and the Nashville nest she purchased last August.

Back in early February, Mister Big Time inquired of the world at large about who the buyer of this particular house on Nashville’s Westview Avenue might be. Your Mama has chosen to answer Mister Big’s call and dig up the information now because little Miss Clarkson’s name is back on the tip of every one’s tongue again as she’ll be singing her little heart out for the pope while the Catholic emissary of Christ tours the Eastern Seaboard like a wild and caged animal in that freaky looking modified Mercedes of his.

Anyhoo, as it turns out, at least according to Your Mama’s well connected man on the ground in Nashville, it was Miss Clarkson who forked over $1,490,000 to purchase a modest and not very exciting 5 bedroom and 5 bathroom stone home in the Belle Meade neighborhood. Now children, Your Mama confesses that we know little about the real estate landscape in Nashville, be we do understand from people who would know that Belle Meade is considered one of the finer residential locales Music City.

Since the photos show the interior day-core choices of the non-celebrity seller and not that of young and unlucky in love Miss Clarkson, Your Mama will not be discussing the uninspired furniture, the questionable paint choices, the upsetting silver Grecian drapery in the living room or the vertigo inducing area rug in the family room.

We will however mention that wee room with the wood paneling and red chairs that looks like a card room at a somewhat upscale Elk’s Lodge in Florida. We love it…and we are not going to apologize for loving it either. Remove the kooky ottoman, replace the pictures with something a little bit abstract and colorful, donate the floor lamp to the local thrift shop and hang a simple and small but modern pendant over the table and voila! you have an instant and cozy corner worthy of working a 5,000 piece puzzle or settling into for blisteringly competitive and gin fueled Friday night cribbage tournaments.

We’re also rather fond of the stone floored screened porch which features a fireplace for taking the edge of those spring and fall evenings. Your Mama can imagine tucking up into the space on a buggy afternoon with a stack of gossip glossies and a pair of scissors to cut out all the fun stuff to use in our hobby of making celebrity filled collage vignettes.

Your Mama really hopes that Miss Clarkson knows a nice gay decorator down in Nashville who can help her work this large but ordinary house into something worthy of a young musician struggling for some longevity in a career that hit the ground like a racehorse but has lately been a bit less than white hot. If we’re being honest, and we always are, we’re not big fans of Miss Clarkson’s music, but we do have an unexpected soft spot for her in our cold and dark heart so Your Mama sincerely wishes her continued success and have our fingers crossed that we do not see her star frizzle out and die a slow painful death. Shall we pray on that kids or should we just let the pope take care of that?

We’re not certain where else Miss Clarkson owns property, but somewhere in the recesses of our blurry mind we recall that the gurl lives in a big house on a 50 acre ranch south of Fort Worth. Anyone?

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