Joe Gregory Is Getting Out of the Hamptons

SELLER: Joseph Gregory
LOCATION: Surfside Drive, Bridgehampton, NY
PRICE: $32,500,000
SIZE: 9,500 (approx.) square feet, 8 bedrooms, 8.5 bathrooms
DESCRIPTION: Views of the Atlantic Ocean and luxurious interiors are the highlights of this stunning residence. Homes like this rarely come on the market. Set on 2.5 acres this home is protected by expansive dunes in the heart of Bridgehampton. With over 200 feet of Oceanfront and pristine sandy beach this home boasts incomparable views and resort like amenities. This “Hamptons Grey” shingled home is just two years old but has the charm of cottages built a century ago…

YOUR MAMAS NOTES: In light of the financial markets swirling down the proverbial terlit, the U.S. government’s multi-billion dollar bailouts of Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and insurance giant AIG and this week’s mind blowing bankruptcy filing by old school Wall Street investment bank Lehman Brothers, Your Mama thought the children might get a kick out of a look-see at the Hamptons summer home of Joseph Gregory that is on the market for a bank account busting $32,500,000. For all the children who do not watch or read the financial news, Mister Gregory is the gentleman who acted as the Chief Operating Officer, President and Managing Director for the now defunct Lehman Brothers until June 2008 when he was unceremoniously and very publicly tossed out on his green suit wearing big bonus booty.

Two years ago, back when many Wall Streeters were still telling the public that the looming sub-prime mortgage meltdown was nothing to worry about, Mister Gregory and his philanthropically minded wifey Niki scooped up this newly built ocean front house for an amount of money that Your Mama isn’t able to sort out. However, given that this house is located on swanky Surfside Drive on 2.5 acres of prime Bridgehampton ocean front land and considering that Mister Gregory’s 2007 compensation package was reported to have been in excess of $26,000,0000, it’s probably safe to assume that he and the Missus Gregory forked over for more money for their weekend house than most of the children will see in a lifetime…or two.

After purchasing the speculatively built mansion, the couple, whose primary residence is located in Lloyd Harbor, NY, reportedly spent another couple of million clams upgradin‘ and decoratin‘ their approximately 9,500 square foot beach behemoth that includes a two story entrance hall with floor to ceiling raised paneling, a large living room with a coffered ceiling, fireplace and at least two built in televisions, several formal and casual dining areas, an all white gore-may kitchen with every appliance amenity available, a den, media room, conservatory and an entertainment salon on the second floor that opens to the large ocean view deck.

In addition to the two gigantic master suites–one done up in pukey pink the other in baby blue–which open up to the above mentioned second floor deck, there are six additional bedrooms each with a private pooper, a feature Your Mama imagines every family member and weekend guest can appreciate when it comes time to cope with the previous evening’s din-din of lobster, Krug and caviar. Other interior amenities include four fireplaces, ten foot ceilings on the main floor, quarter-sawn oak plank flooring, all manner of meticulous mill work, and, natch, a high tech security system.

Outside, the spectacularly simple 50-foot gunite swimming pool and spa (on the ocean side of the house, thank you) are surrounded by velvety lawns that lead to a private path across the dunes to 200 feet of quasi-private and very swanky Bridgehampton beach front.

As for the day-core? Feh! Obviously, a butt load of Wall Street bread was spent on Scalamandré drapery fabrics, custom woven rugs and a truck load of ginger jar lamps, but it’s all so damn ordinary looking and lacks personality. Besides, who can imagine strolling in to this house with sandy feet and a wet bathing suit without incurring the steely glare of Hattie the housekeeper? Not Your Mama, that’s for sure.

So why are Mister and Missus Gregory selling up their ocean front getaway after millions in renovations and just two years of owning? Well, according to their real estate agent it’s because the couple have spent almost no time at the house since completing it’s over-haul and may have only used the house a total of 14 days since purchasing and upgrading the posh property. Fourteen days! Whaaat?

Well children, that may be true (or it may be the party line), but the real estate cynic in Your Mama doesn’t think it’s such a coinky-dink that this house hit the market right about the same time Mister Gregory found himself without a damn job. We’re not saying anything, ’cause Your Mama don’t know the sea from the sky, but we’re just sayin‘, you know?

Your Mama imagines that with Lehman Brothers shutting up shop and letting go tens of thousands of employees, all the hoity toity Hamptons brokers are prolly bizzy as beavers fielding phone calls from investment bankers who no longer have fat paychecks to pay for their multi-million dollar summer houses. And Your Mama bets all you folks out there struggling to pay your own mortgages feel just terrible for them too, right?

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